Show t z R L Penny Anny Poker with Captain Puke A t 1 By I. I By Chris Wentworth It was this time of season just last year Seems like everybody and their mother went hunting for deer Like the idiot I am Im I'm no different than my neighbors Chasing bucks around the sticks I just love the manual labor out to the Book Cliffs with my brother and his friends The damn road had one decent straightaway and seven ninety-seven bends To tell the truth I didn't really come to hunt for the deer Its It's those midnight penny-anny penny poker games and the five cases of beer Ya see my brothers brother's got this philosophy pertaining to good times They are what you make them ya know this storys story's hard to rhyme rhymed n Anyway bear with me and Ill I'll tell you of a aman aman aman man Who spent three days of his deer season vacation sitting on the can He used to be a real normal guy just like you and me But a Texas fifth of Jim Beam bourbon caused him pain and misery I remember it well the night we were all in inthe a the tent together Bob Miles Jim and I playing that penny-anny penny poker v The high country coldness reflected in the the evening breeze j C A unanimous vote was made to drink a qu quality i anti freeze i r rA A damn good whiskey was the order of the night Jim brought out his pet bottle of Jim Beam Beam Beama a welcome warming sight With tender loving care we nursed the fifth around A double shot in everyone's coffee then gently to the ground The more we drank the funner things got to tobe tobe tobe be Who on earth dealt this shit Ya know its it's gettin tough to see I have three Bullets and two Cowboys I believe its it's called a Full House the third time in a row Beaver Face Youre You're fast t it becoming a louse Now Now we mustn't be bitter ya know Ill I'll take good care of your cash Pass my buddy Jim Beam on over I could use another shot of that trash The night seemed somehow longer our senses inversely short Jim was the first to go I used my brother for support Bouncing off a couple trees having quite a fit Jim stumbled over all our tents through the fire and into the garbage pit My brother right behind him checking to see if he was still alive Hey ya gonna stay there all night guess ya might survive I think youre you're kind of social anti-social though the rest of us are going to bed bedI 4 I sympathize with your position ya know z you might as well be dead i iI I dont don't know how to tell you this but Ive I've got a suspicion youre you're drunk You really should get out of the garbage pit or you'll soon smell like a skunk Poor ole Jim probably tried that night but never made the camper The next morning we found him still trying to hatch beer cans although a little damper Up and at tern James dont don't cha wanna get getup get up and go Four cups of coffee later he bat an eyelash very very slow Hen be berries bacon and moo juice for breakfast breakfast breakfast break break- fast a camping delicacy so fine Jim never really got into the act his stomach submitted a decline James never seemed to quite maintain after that long long ordeal Rolaids DiGel and asperin were taken before every mealo And as for his hunting there was much to tobe tobe be desired He kept on barfing all allover over the place and then he became too tired This storys story's true I tell you now Jim cant can't deny the truth I dedicate this tale to him and the title of CAPTAIN PUKE For if there were a hunters hunter's Hall of Fame James would be at the bottom of the list But please dont don't mention it to Captain Puke or hell he'll probably become very pissed Hey I wanna thank everyone that voted for Freshman President especially those who supported me This college has great potential and a that I believe has a lot of pride in themselves Im I'm very glad Im I'm here and also that youve you've given me methe methe methe the privilege of serving you as your new Freshman Class President Ill I'll give it my best I hope you enjoy some of my BS Ill I'll be writing a column like this in every issue that is if I can get away with it Hey Have a good one whatever you do I |