Show the rogues gallery aw c I 1 VZ I 1 11 14 Z W there I 1 told you it was the pinkeye pink eye you can see for yourself fl WHAT OF OUR NATIONAL metabolism by 7 NINA WILCOX PUTNAM Is an old saw which says tone that two heads are better than one probably the guy who made ap that saying was an executioner who had an ax to grind because he be got paid by piecework piece work but that idea of his is now old fash boned stuff modern civilization is not only trending its positively bouncing toward the notion that CO heads beads are better than 10 and I 1 am not dot referring to cattle either at least not the kind hind ot of cattle who wear nothing but horns and their own hides the heads to which I 1 have reference are called experts they are the bunch who are called in to figure out why the other fellows dont work harder they are the boys who can toll tell a chart from a charter and know how to make the head bead of the concern wish hed graduated from high school sos hed know what hat they were talking about all over the world I 1 notice the same thing in russia particularly there seems to be an idea that beads are better than one but so far the whole lot dont seem beera to have been able to think up a sing single le constructive idea and dont let hitler or mussolini fool you either they may act like one head bead Is better than two but it if you ook look between the balance sheet and the blanket policy find an army or boys with charts that show everything from the average yardage of spaghetti to the relative decrease in dogs and increase in frankfurters in france they still do things by ear and none of them have learned to keep their hands still long enough to take a Nat national lonal metabolism and it if they ever did get their heads together in a real business conference it would probably take years to untangle the beards afterwards in the tight little isle why does docs england call itself that when they are only allowed to drink a couple of hours a day well in england been running the country pretty successfully on the principle that one head bead was perfectly satisfactory so eo long as the crown on it was handsome enough to attract attention but they have always been great on reports and charts charterhouse Is one of their swanky schools and from the vay ay things up in america c bank abbink ove one of the graduates must have sneaked on board the mayflower at any rate weve developed an epidemic of running things by groups over here which makes the great jigsaw puzzle plague of 33 pale by comparison the infamous puzzle makers are biding their heads in shome shame before the onslaught of these new puzzle makers because after all someone did occasionally sio nally solve a jigsaw but when some one shows you a pin checked piece of paper across which a drunken hen has apparently walked after stepping in the ink and says proudly there you can see for fl well something else again but im not just sure what of course its probably the modern method of explaining everything and f ery much all right but when I 1 was cairl vt earl drawing lines on scraps of paper was confined to inmates of the coffy coup coop or they were confined because of drawing lines well whichever way it was the lines have apparently escaped and one of them Is I 1 8 zigzagging up and down all over the country even your doctor has era cm you go to consult him about your bill shiell is probably the thing which Is 18 you most at al the moni moment ent but bin bedfor you can open your mouth he opens s li it for you sticks the end of a lire fire hinr mm 4 in puts a clothes pin on your nose and at the end of 10 minutes pulls a pin checked paper out of a cylinder with lines shooting up and down it and exclaims triumphantly there I 1 told you it was the pinkeye pink eye I 1 you can see for yourself I 1 and I 1 dont dispute him for the same reason that the chin amans laundry list never checks with mine of course department stores have been going for this charting and surveying in a big way and over a long period not realizing that a period Is really a full stop indeed no department ent store Is complete without the department part ment that makes up its secret crossbow cross bow puzzles which when and it if worked out show for instance that 10 pairs of mens pants divided by halt half practically equals getting at the seat of things but the best example ol of this new g game ame of a group telling the individual how to run his business and proving it by scratch scratching in g as scratch can Is the administration this charting has even crept into relief work and if anybody thinks that a form of relief crazy not that I 1 want to make myself personae au gratin with the government any more than I 1 am already over my income tax but I 1 cant help noticing when an investigation bored un earths the fact that some guys on the relief rolls or who had been rolling the relief or something had put in ID a lot of time making a survey of exactly where there was no electric lighting so 16 sumatra in 1426 sore of king of 0 all the surveys stuff eh what at that these charts might haat their useful side for example the next time one of my creditors writes and asks me why I 1 paid my bill I 1 might get a pad of that sports goods paper and taking my pen be tween my toes to insure unsteadiness luesa mike make up tip a chart and send it to him with the remark you can see for yourself also in writing the kind of letter in which you discuss the weather we ahre having a chart of this popular kind would save describing the lightning the one who received it would undoubtedly supply the thunder torn into small strips and Led these efficiency charts are very ebli clent for sweeping dust out of oriental rugs and when it comes to firing the cook ccok a chart of your digestion showing elgh and low points of agony an ana t above the stove will usually do the trick all cooks clohs think that anything they cant understand Is Is an insult personally I 1 am a bit quaint in ray my ideas the only time I 1 think two beads are better than one Is when a kisa Is involved and no charts are needed to promote effi efficiency clency and in my humble pshaw I 1 d nt really mean that in my darned cocksure opinion the way to better business conditions and haul back that coy old girl prosperity Is to quit sm oth ering individual initiative with central committees long distance governing boards brain trustees tr usters and groups of fancy theorists and allow good old john workman to do his stuff practically every evert big man and im an woman in this country got ot where they are by doing something the experts said be done the weak crowd in herds the strong stand alone and the strength of any country including the scandinavian la Is the 1 power ower and girls gifts of those lenders who 1 have ave worked out their own salvation alon on the principle that alint man Is what hr he makes hini seir not what somebody elso tells hlin him lie ile ought to he be 4 lice 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