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Show Kathleen Norris Says: Don't Try to Live Your Husband's Life (Bell Syndicate WNU Service.) mSLWi resent, at 39, being relegated to the Are you a person or the echo of some position of a sort of superior servant, a other person, Pauline? Manage all person who must accept AVs careless quite free from any thought of ACs announcements and goodbyes. joining you or any resentment because I he does not. By KATHLEEN NORRIS ARE you a person or the A-V echo of some other per-son? per-son? This is an important impor-tant question, where the happiness hap-piness of some women is concerned, con-cerned, for unless she can answer an-swer it, "I am myself," no woman can be happy. For each one of us brings with him, or forms and cultivates culti-vates in the early years, a complicated mass of likes and dislikes, prejudices and inclinations, and it is the encouragement en-couragement of some of these and the weeding out of others that makes that baffling, fascinating fas-cinating thing called "personality." "person-ality." No matter how rich and beautiful and socially prominent a girl is, if she chooses to adopt rowdy manners, man-ners, use vulgar language, show no consideration for the feelings of others,' defy the code of dignity and self-control, if not of actual morality, she is not a gentlewoman, even though the wealth and power of her family go back a dozen generations. Becoming a Lady. And by the same law any girl who studies fineness In every way, In what she reads, says, does and is, can raise herself from the humblest or least fortunate of backgrounds, and eventually be recognized for what she is, a lady. Any girl or woman who feels she is dull, uninteresting, unin-teresting, left behind by more fascinating fas-cinating rivals, need only face the situation honestly, to find the cure all about her, easily within reach, and costing nothing. It may take her a few years to accustom ac-custom herself to the necessity of a daily bath, manicuring, hair-brush-lng, immaculate dressing, carefully accurate speech, abstention from excesses of all sorts for the table glutton is an even less" pleasant sight than the excessive drinker or smoker. smok-er. Gentlewomen don't giggle over questionable stories; they don't eagerly retail scandal; they don't laugh loudly when someone falls off his chair or mispronounces a word. Culture and fineness are essential to a lady, but the qualities of heart are just as important as those of mind. Husband Is Too Popular. There are problems, however, that come even to a fine and strong and cultured woman, a woman who is her husband's equal, if not superior superi-or in intellect and soul, and when they arise the answer comes in the form of a question. Are you a person per-son or the echo of some other person? per-son? A letter from a woman in Augusta, Au-gusta, Maine, illustrates what I mean. "We have been married 17 years," sh writes. "We have three fine children; a boy of 15, twin girls of 12. Alf, my husband, is a good, steady, successful man, extremely popular with everyone perhaps especially es-pecially with men. I mean that he belongs to golf and town clubs, lunches with associates every day downtown, and always has pleasant adventures in friendship when business, busi-ness, as it frequently doe6, calls him away for a few days or a week at a time. Went Throngh Hard Times. "When our boy Fred was about four, and the girls tiny babies, hard times came. Al lost his job, and we lost the little home we were buying. buy-ing. We asked my father, who lives in California, for $100 a month, and we five managed on that for nearly three years. We had two rooms; the babies' milk alone came to S10 a month, and if I could have afforded a nervous breakdown believe me I BUSY HUSBAND This wife and mother issues an appeal to Miss Norris for advice on the problem of getting her husband back into the family fold. Otherwise Other-wise a model husband, he spends most of his lime with others, socially and in business, asking to be left out of family social life. Kathleen Norris Nor-ris gives the reason an.d suggests a have had one in those dark days. I did everything at one time washing 70 didies a day as well as the entire family wash, and even Al's collars and cuffs. In 1934 my father died, leaving me a few thousands thou-sands that I immediately invested in two small houses, living in one, renting the other, and taking two boarders to make ends meet. Al had a job then, but when I broke down and went for 10 weeks to the hospital hos-pital we had to borrow. From that time however things steadily improved, im-proved, we sold both houses five years ago at double what we had paid for them in the depression, and Al went from one promotion to another an-other and our hard times were over. Now we have a nice home, two smajl cars, and I have a good kitchen helper. Alf a Stranger. "But far more serious to me than anything that those difficult years brought," the tetter goes on, "is the fact that for three years now my husband has not shared our lives at all. He is amiable, appreciative of good meals and home comfort. "But dines at the club, entertains some customer downtown, works late at the office and afterwards drops in on some bridge game, makes engagements for all day Sunday, Sun-day, often for Saturday night as well, and tells me, if I make any plan for a family affair or picnic, to go ahead by all means, but not to count on him. Now I resent, at 3fl, being relegated rele-gated to the position of a sort of superior su-perior servant, a person who must accept Al's careless announcements and good-bys. I am a college graduate, grad-uate, my family is of a higher rating rat-ing than his, and but for my father's generosity I don't know how we could have weathered our hard times. Yet I can't beg back my husband's hus-band's affection and company. The situation is changing me Into a brood-wretched brood-wretched woman and I wish you could give me an answer to it." Make Self an Interesting Individual. The answer is, as I said before, is a question. Are you a person or the echo of some other person, Pauline? Paul-ine? Al, for all his selfishness and obtuseness, is evidently a person. He has found a great deal in his life to amuse and occupy him; all he asks is that you do the same. With health, home, sufficient income, car, with three fine growing children, you certainly should have no trouble. You don't speak of friends, but certainly cer-tainly you have friends. If you could manage club days, gardening days, hours for reading, walking, plans with the children, all quite free from any thought of Al's joining you or any resentment because he Joes not,, you would find yourself immersed in so full and happy a life that nine hundred and ninety out of every thousand women in the world might well envy you. Keep that son close to you; you won't have a mother's frequent difficulties in paternal jealousy. Join the girl's In their homework and invite a few chums in to study with them. Your real trouble is that for years you held Al in happy monopoly. You and he were inseparable in Interests. In-terests. But that never lasts un-brokenly. un-brokenly. It can be regained. It will be regained as soon as Al realizes real-izes that you are just as busy and complete and interesting and individual indi-vidual an entity as he is. |