| Show by GLASS author of potash and As an interpreter of the shrewd and humorous immigrant jew few in american lu business siness lifear life mr glass is delightful his characters in this series of 0 f sketches are representative of a very n numerous um erous type in our cities especially new york get acquainted with bits birsky ka an and d za happl ap pp I 1 n BERB L r Is no more pleasure la in I 1 re reading ej a dang advertisements nowadays said barnett the waist manufacturer to louis birsky the real estaver es tater why not birsky said well said what run fun Is it to read in a paper REMOVAL SALE fair to middling suits season bea before ore I lasts make 13 to 25 used to W was as 16 and 21 but on account of moving we marked them up because some people has got an idee that when you move you reduce prices ands and maybe they see this advertisement B SCHLEMIEL CO and who would go to work and pay money to put in a paper an advertisement like that birsky inquired everybody nowadays said they dasent das sent do otherwise because what with the federal and state pure food laws and newspapers which Is paying fellers fifty thousand dollars a year to show up advertisers so that no advertiser ver tiser would take a chance on advertising Iver ver birsky if you want to ad verti bertise yer tise se your merchandise bunder stand youve got to tell the truth or the least that happens you Is bail on a certificate ot of reasonable doubts so the way it goes birsky former times a lady reads in the paper TAILORED SUITS the latest from paris WAS NOW 1625 j yun der stand and right away she forgets that she Is going to take dinner friday night with her husbands folks out in borough park that the doctor says that people with her trouble could live for years already but what Is it nowadays tor for such a woman she reads SUITS bankrupt stock of morris schlecht ht Vs price 1633 1635 our price 1025 1625 and not only does all her troubles come iback back on her but she thinks she Is also developing a peculiar pain in her side F maybe claybe th the advertisement give it to her 1161 ra arsky suggested sure it did replied this here first to last the truth advertise ing Is driving women to moving pictures birsky another thing Is the way dry goods stores Is acting nowadays former times a woman buys a dress anress at adry goods store on april aad 2nd and wears it up to and including july when she brings it back with symptoms of a beefsteak supper two weddings and a chocolate nut sundae ion the front panel birsky and for the next six months she has the time of tier life trying to get a credit check tor for it it gives her a fresh interest in things her eyes get bright and her cheeks is got fresh color in them the same like an advertisement for a corn com cream before the enactment of section subsection A of the I 1 penal code in relations to false and misleading advertising what is it nowadays birsky A crepe de chine dress could have enough soup spilled on it to make it look like moire vc lour birsky and when a woman returns it with the pleasant expectations of never being so insulted in her life birsky before she could even open her mouth to say listen yun yua der stand the floor walker pulls a credit check on her and I 1 suppose birsky commented for the next few days she walks around looking so downhearted that whenever her lady friends see her they go home and practically throw the meals at their husbands and gives as an explanation that like to see themselves worrying themselves to death over any calill man well ill tell you said maybe the dry goods stores is getting done on their money back guarantees birsky but thaes because they are suffering from the fact that people aint acquainted with up to date advertising edees their customers still thinks that when a dry goods store says it if anything you buy here proves unsatisfactory it will bg exchanged or your money will be ba refunded birsky it must be ba understood that such a guarantee means it anything you buy here proves unsatisfactory by the evidence of six uninteresting witnesses which a cracker jack A number ono one trial lawyer rattle on cross examination tt it will be exchanged or your money will be refunded when so ordered by the supreme court of th tho united I 1 states or a jusic thereof after the 1 ut satis beifel gets taken Is confirmed conformed in an action brought for that purpose it being understood and a agreed reed that nothing in this guarantee shall apply to or bind the party making the same his heirs executors administrators and assigns before a newspaper accepts an advertisement ti nowadays it Is censured tile same as an interview with general joffer and it if an advertisement comes la in from a shoe manufacturer with ills his picture on it they send a reporter to make ke sure that the teller feller is bald like his 1 il s photograph claims lie he Is and it if lie he they print the advertisement till the manufacturer comes down and signs his name in the presence of the managing editor the art editor two prominent clergymen and a handwriting expert aber what I 1 understand Is why should a manufacturer suppose it helps the sale of his shoes to advertise lem cm mit a picture of a bald headed man even supposing he does look that way said for that matter my cifes brother sig as a young feller used to rub talcum powder on his upper lip because he thought it would make grow for him a mustache like the feller on the box birsky said was there any such claim on the box bos besides the picture asked no birsky barsky said but sig alg had bad just come over from the old country and read english well all I 1 could say Is he Is lucky he want to raise a bald head bead in stead of a mustache replied because he would of been set back at least for shoes instead of twenty cents for talcum powder A feller who thinks he c could 0 uld get bald headed by wearing any particular brand of shoes should ought to get stuck for birsky said never mind he read english well that only goes to show how careful a newspaper should be if it want its readers to be swindled said some people which is too foxy to believe anything they read in the news section of a newspaper gets fooled very easy by advertisements they could read it in the paper how seals has become so scarce that if all the seals in existence was divided up among the inhabitants of the state of kansas there would be only seals to an inhabitant also they could see in a sunday paper how the secretary of commerce and labor gives out an interview that the united states is keeping beeping a line of battleships in alaska to prevent poachers from killing seals birsky but that owing to the high price of sealskins seal skins in new york the poachers takes a chance on getting shot starved frozen and drowned and sometimes catches as many as twenty eight and a half seals in a season and yet birsky when a concern by the name of the paris and san francisco fur importing company advertises fur overcoats with baffin bay seal lining and geneine prussian lamb collars at from 1909 1009 to 2150 apiece them newspaper readers figure what does a secretary of commerce and labor know about seals anyway maybe they figure that way and maybe they figure that the feller which is running the paris and san francisco fur importing company Is just some poor goose that has got abhold of a line of seal overcoats and dont know their real value and never mind if the feller WOULD have a wife and family depending on him HIS lookout if he Is fool C enough to let them seal lined overcoats go at from froin 1999 to 2150 he be in the fur business it if he dont know no more about furs litan an that so they buy an overcoat off of him just to teach him a less as it were sometimes they also figure that the reason why the paris and san francisco fur importing company could sell geneine sealskins seal skins at 1999 is that the overcoats was stolen birsky said eald so they go to work and buy I 1 em on the principle of what the eye dont see it it what Is it the hearts business then what Is the use nae of newspapers protecting them crooks by not printing fake advertisements 1 I dont know barsky Z app sa eald ia in tact fact birsky I 1 aint got no tym syra pathy for a bargain hunter anyway and quite right too birsky sald said its a joke to stick a bargala bargain hunter unter li because if he out to stick somebody himself a bargain hunter be a bargain hunter there is fellers in this town millionaires and college which when they talk about quack stores gets so red in the face that thai think they was discussing labor laboi unions and la in the very next breath ersland tell how they was motoring in the mountains of 0 west virginia and how they come across a log cabin where an old teller relief and hl his wife was raising a little corn for a living and eating it off a broken down ma mahogany h agany table mit bandy legs club feet and all the other deformities deformity defor miti which turns a human being into a help less cripple and a table into a 1 antique then tell you how they bought the table from the poor mountaineer for and brought it back to new york tork and had it polished for and sold it to at antique dealer for and they the never stop to consider that while i a quack store proprietor may sell a fur fui overcoat tor for 2150 by representing that the lining is geneine seal the gar ment probably stands him in as much as 1050 reckoning what he paid th tailor for manufacturing and the B S P 0 A for the skins at the same time birsky zapa zapi said it if I 1 would be a reputable mer X V signs his HI name in the presence predence Pre tence of the managing editor the art editor two prominent Clergy clergymen min and a handwriting expert empet L chant and zol tenly I 1 TRY THY to be birsky I 1 advertise my goods in a paper which also accepts advertisements ti from quack stores because I 1 figure C ts if a bargain hunter know 6 c LA A advertised store where he THINKS he could get a overcoat tor for 21 he would go to an advertised store where he really and truly could buy a overcoat for or anyhow so you see birsky censuring advertisements is really for tho the benefit of the advertiser and not for the feller who reads em cm maybe youre right 11 birsky agreed aber it dont make no difference liow how small its circulation would be a newspaper coul dat overestimate the foolishness of people that read advertisements verti 1 I believe you said now you take me for instance and I 1 am a pretty hard proposition it if I 1 see in ia a newspaper that I 1 am recommended to drink sparkling Gra graxerina Grap perina erlna made from the juice of the ripest illinois grapes I 1 take it for granted that on the bottle it says the contents of this package Is 18 composed from grape skins grape stalks grape boxes and grape barrels sweetened with and artificially colored and carbonated contains 8 10 of 30 benzo horacid acid and G ll 11 of 70 of soda and 4 alcohol by weight and 38 by volume also I 1 never fall for advertisements of cheap cheap straw hats cut price fuz alture or specials in watches and jewelry but when I 1 see in a newspaper SIX ROADSTER made by the charoles Cha roses motor car corporation this car has the elegant refined rennell lines of the most expensive cars distinctive charoles Cha roses stream line seats eight and a halt balf passengers and Is finished in geneine walrus leather with four our knife blade pleats and LL a belt ot of silk braid to the hip line trimmed with narrow bands of 0 tur fur and otherwise Is equal in every respect to any car selling belling tor for over 1250 F 0 B ryan jeff davis co tex I 1 I 1 its all I 1 can do to hold myself back from ringing up the new york agent and asking him would he prefer clish oder a certified check yes birsky commented theres just enough of the rube in each and every feller so that sooner or op later mit kidney pills or olter mobile S the fake advertiser will get him it he dont look out or it if the newspaper proprietor dont look for him concluded conclude tL new york tribune |
