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Show I STORY J I Novelized from the Comedy of the Same Name By ILLUSTRATED Rupert From Photograph of too Ploy an rVaduced Huhes By Henry W. Savage , v Uiljrlhfc, by U. K. i'ly Co. II SYNOPSIS. T.lctit. Harry Mallory I ordered to the r'hlll, pines. He iinfl Marjorie Newton Io IiIl. to clop-:, hut wreck of liixlcah prevents pre-vents their sciux minister on the way to the train. Transcontinental train la taking tak-ing on passengers. I'ortor haa a lively time with an lilnk'Hshniun and Ira Luth-roo. Luth-roo. a Yankee liiisine.ss man. Tlie elopers have an exciting lime trotting to the Iraln. "Utile .llmmle" Wellington, hound t'or Reno to yet a dlvorne. hoards train In maudlin condition. Later Mrs. Jinimie appears. .Sin; Is also hound for Iteno with same ohject. Likewise Alra. Sammy Whit-lomh. Whit-lomh. Latter hhinies .Mrs. Jlmmie for lier marital trouiiles. Classmates of Mallory Mal-lory decorate hriilal herth. Hev. and Mrs. Temple shirt on a vacation. They decide to cut loose and Temple removes evidence of his cillini;. Marjorlo decides to let Mallorv proceed alone, but train starts while iluy are lost In farewell. Passengers Passen-gers Join Mallory's classmates In giving couple wedding hazing. Marjorie is distracted. dis-tracted. Ira I.athrop, woman-hating hachelor, tliscovers an old sweetheart. Anne Oatlle, a fellow passenger. Mallorv Mal-lorv vainly hunts for a preacher among (he passengers. Mrs. Wellington hears l.lllle Jlinmle's voice. Later she meets (Mrs. Whltcomh. Mallory reports to Marjorie Mar-jorie his failure to find a preacher. They decide to pretend a quarrel and Mallory (inds a vacant berth. Mrs. Jlmmie discovers discov-ers Wellington on the train. Mallory again makes an tinsuccessf til hunt for a preacher. Dr. Temple poses as a physician. physi-cian. Mrs. Temple Is Induced by Mrs. Wellington 'to smoke a cigar. Sight of preacher on a station platform raises Mallorv's hopes, hut he takes another train. Missing hand baggage compels the couple to borrow from passengers. ' CHAPTER XXI (Continued). The first one they labored at, they could not budge after a biceps-break-i ing tug. The second (lew up with such i case that they went over backward. Ashton put his head out and announced an-nounced that the approaching depot was labelled "Green River." Wellington Welling-ton burbled: "What a beautiful name for a shtatlon." Ashton announced that there was something beautifuller still on the platform "Oh, a peach! a nectarine! and she's getting on this train." Even Doctor Temple declared that she was a dear litte thing, wasn't she? Wellington pushed him aside, saying: say-ing: "Stand back Doc, and let me see; I have a keen sense of beau'ful.'' "Be careful," cried the doctor, "he'll fall out of the window." "Not out of that window," Ashton sagely observed, seeing the bulk of Wellington. As the train started off again, Little Jimmie distributed alcoholic alco-holic smiles to the Green Riverers on the platform and called out: "Good'bye, ,ever'body. You're all abslootly ow ow!" He clapped his hand to his eye and crawled back Into the car, groaning with pain. "What's the matter?" said Wedge-wood. Wedge-wood. "Got something in your eye?" "No, you blamed fooi. .I'm trying to look through my thumb." ; "Poor fellow!" sympathized Doctor Temple, "It's a cinder!" "A cinder! It's at leasht a ton of coal." "I say, old boy, let me have a peek," said Wedgewood, screwing In his monocle mon-ocle and peering into the depths of Wellington's eye. "I can't see a bally thing." "Of course not, with that blinder on," growled the miserable wretch, weeping in spite of himself and rubbing rub-bing his smarting orb. "Don't rub that eye," Ashton counselled, coun-selled, "rub the other eye." "It's my eye; I'll rub it if I want to. Get me a doctor, somebody. I'm dying." "Here's Doctor Temple," said Ashton, Ash-ton, "right on the Job." Wellington turned to the old clergyman with pathetic pa-thetic trust, and the deceiver writhed In his disguise. The best he could think of was: "Will somebody lend me a lead pencil?" "What for?" said Wellington, uneasily. un-easily. "I am going to roll your upper lid up on it," said the Doctor. "Oh, no, you're not," said the patient. pa-tient. "You can roll your own lids!" Then the conductor, still aapther conductor, wandered on the scene ecS asked as If it were not a world-Important matter: "What's the matter pick up a cinder?" "Yes. Perhaps you can get it out," the alleged doctor appealed. The conductor nodded: "The best way is this take hold of the winkers." wink-ers." "The what?" mumbled Wellington. "Grab the winkers of your upper eyelid in your right hand " "I've got 'em." "Now grab the winkers of your lower low-er eyelid In your left hand. Now raise the right hand, push the under lid under the overlid and haul the overlid over the underlid; when you have the overlid well over the under un-der " Wellington waved him away: "Say, what do you think I'm trying to do? stuff a mattress? Get out of my way. I want my wife lead me to my wife." "An excellent Idea," said Dr. Temple, Tem-ple, who had teen praying for a reconciliation. i He guided Wellington with difficulty to the observation room and, finding Mrs. Wellington at the desk as usual, he began: "Oh, Mrs. Wellington, may I Introduce you to your husband" Mrs. Wellington rose haughtily, caught a sight of her suffering consort and ran to him with a cry of "Jimmie!" "Jim-mie!" "Lucretla ! " "What's happened are you killed?" "I'm far from well. But don't worry. wor-ry. My life insurance Is paid up." "Oh, my poor little darling," Mrs. Jimmie fluttered, "What on earth ails you?" She turned to the doctor. "Is he going to die?" "I think not," said the doctor. "It's only a bad case of cinder-in-the-eye-tis." Thus reassured, Mrs. Wellington went into the patient's eye with her handkerchief. "Is that the eye?" she asked. "No!" he howled, "the other one." She went into that and came out with the cinder. "There! It's just a tiny speck." Wellington regarded the mote with amazement. "Is that all? It felt as If I had Pike's Peak in my eye." Then he waxed tender. "Oh, Lucretla, how can I ever " But she drew away with a disdainful: disdain-ful: "Give me back my hand, please." "Now, Lucretla," he protested, "don't you think you're carrying this pretty far?" "Only as far as-Reno." she answered grimly, which stung him to retort: "You'd better take the beam out of your own eye, now that you've taken the cinder out of mine," but she, noting not-ing that they were the center of interest, inter-est, observed: "All the passengers are enjoying this, my dear. You'd better go back to the cafe." Wellington regarded her with a revulsion re-vulsion to wrath. He thundered at her: "I will go back, but allow me to Inform you, my dear madam, that I'll not drink another drop just to surprise sur-prise you." Mrs. Wellington shrugged her shoulders shoul-ders at this ancient threat and Jimmie stumbled back to his lair, whither the men followed him. Reeling sympathy in the atmosphere. Little Jimmie felt impelled to pour out his grief: "Jellmen, I'm a brok'n-heartleBS man. Mrs. Well'n'ton is a queen among women, but she has temper of tarant " Wedgewood broke In: "I say, old boy, you've carried this ballast for three days now, wherever did you get it?" - Wellington drew himself up proudly proud-ly for a moment before he slumped back into himself. "Well, you see, when I announced to a few friends that I was about to leave Mrs. Well'n'ton Wel-l'n'ton forever and that I was going out to to you know.' "Reno. We know. Well?" "Well, a crowd of my friends got up a farewell sort of divorce breakfast and some of 'em felt so very sad about my divorce that they drank a little too much, and the rest of my friends felt so very glad about my divorce, that they drank a little too much. And, of course, I had to join both parties." "And that breakfast," said"-Ashton, "lasted till the train started, eh?" Wellington glowered back triumphantly. triumph-antly. "Lasted till the train started? Jellmen, that breakfast Is going yet!" CHAPTER XXII. In the Smoking Room. Wellington's divorce breakfast reminded re-minded Ashton of a story. Ashton was one of the great That-Reminds-Me family. Perhaps It was to the credit of the Englishman that he missed the point of this story, even though Jimmie Jim-mie Wellington saw it through his-fog, and Dr. Temple turned red and buried his eyes in the eminently respectable pages of the Scientific American. Ashton and Wellington and Fosdick exchanged winks over the Britisher's stare of incomprehension, and Ashton explained it to him again in words of one syllable, with signboards at all the different spots. Finally a gleam of understanding broke over Wedgewood's face and he tried to justify his delay. "Oh. yes, of cawselsee it now. Yes, I rather fancy I get you. It's awfully good, isn't it? I think I should have got it before but I'm not really myself; my-self; for two mawnings I haven't had my tub." Wellington shook with laughter: "If you're like this now, what will you be when you get to Sin san frasco I mean Frinsanslsco well, you know what I mean." Ashton reached round for the electric elec-tric button as if he were conferring a favor: "The drinks are on you, Wedgewood. Ill ring." And he rang. "Awf'lly kind of you," said Wedgewood, Wedge-wood, "but how do you make that out?" "The man that misses the point, pays for the drinks." And he rang agsia. Wellington protested. "But I've islly well paid for all the drinks for two fiays." Wellington roared: "That's another point you've missed." And Ashton rang again, but the pale yellow Individual Indi-vidual who had always answered the bell with alacrity did not appear. "Where's that Infernal buffet waiter?" grumbled. Wedgewood began to titter. "We were out of Scotch, so I sent him for some more." "When?" "Two stations back. I fancy we must have left him behind." "Well, why In thunder didn't you say so?" Ashton roared. "It quite escaped my mind," Wedgewood Wedge-wood grinned. "Rather good Joke on you fellows, what?" "Well, I don't see the point," Ashton Ash-ton growled, but the triumphant Englishman Eng-lishman howled: "That's where you pay I" Wedgewood had his laugh to him self, for the others wanted to murder him. Ashton advised a lynching, but the conductor arrived on the scene in t time to prevent violence. Fosdick informed him of the irre trlevable loss of the useful buffet wait er. The conductor promised to get another at Ogden. Ashton wailed: "Have we got to sit here and die of thirst till then?" The conductor refused to "back up for a coon," but offered to send in a sleeping-car porter as a temporary substitute. As he started to go, Fosdick, who had been incessantly consulting his watch, checked him to ask: "Oh, conductor, con-ductor, when do we get to the state-line state-line of dear old Utah?" "Dear old Utah!" the conductor grinned. "We'd 'a' been there already if we hadn't 'a' fell behind a little." "Just my luck to be late," Fosdick moaned. "What you so anxious to be in Utah for, Fosdick?" Ashton asked, suspiciously. sus-piciously. "You go on to 'Frisco, don't you?" Fosdick was evidently confused at the direct question. He tried to dodge it: "Yes, but funny how things have changed. When we started, nobody no-body was speaking to anybody except his wife, now " "Now," 'said Ashton, drily, "everybody's "every-body's speaking to everybody except his wife." "You're wrong there," Little Jimmie Jim-mie interrupted. "I wasn't speaking to my wife in the first place. We got on as strangersh and we're strangersh yet. Mrs. Well'n'ton is a " "A queen among women, we know! Dry up," said Ashton, and then they heard the querulous voice of the porter por-ter of their sleeping car: "I tell you, I don't know nothin' about the buffet business." The conductor pushed him in with a gruff command. "Crawl in that cage and get busy." "Still the porter protested: "Mlsta Pullman engaged me -for a sleepln' car, not a drinkin' car. I'm a berth-maker, berth-maker, not a mixer." He cast a resentful re-sentful glance through the window that served also as a bar, and his whole tone changed: "Say, is you goin' to allow me loose amongst all them beautiful bottles? Say, man, if you do, I can't guarantee my con-duck." con-duck." "If you even sniff one of those bottles," bot-tles," the conductor warned him, "I'll crack It over your head." "That won't wonv me none as long as my mouf's open." He smacked his chops over the prospect of intimacy inti-macy with that liquid treasury. "Lordy! Well, I'll try to control my emotionsbut remember, I don't guar-antee guar-antee nothin'." The conductor started to go, but paused for final Instructions: "And remember. after we get to Utah we can't serve any hard liquor at all." "What's that? Don't they 'low nothin' noth-in' in that old Utah but ice-cream soda?" "That's about all. If you touch a drop, I'll leave you in Utah for life." "Oh, Lordy, I'll be good!" The conductor left the excited black and went his way. Ashton was the first to speak: "Say, Porter, can you mix drinks?" The porter ruminated, then confessed: con-fessed: "Well, not on the outside, no, sir. If you-all is thirsty you better order or-der the simplest things you can think of. If you want to command anything fancy, Lord knows what you'd get. Supposin' you was to say, 'Gimme a Tom Collins.' I'd be just as liable as not to pass you a Jack Johnson." "Well, can you open beer?" "Oh, I'm a natural born beer-" opener." "Rush it out then. My throat is as full of alkalf dust as these windows." The porter soon appeared with a tray full of cotton-topped glasses. The day was hot and the alkali dust very oppressive, and the beer was cold. Dr. Temple looked on it when It was amber, am-ber, 'and suffered himself to be bullied into taking a glass. (TO BE CONTINUED.) |