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Show Z)V about: Chronic Influenza. PALM SPRINGS, CALIF. I came out here to get rid of my influenza. But as I pen these despairing- words, my influenza in-fluenza is cuddled up to this inflamed bosom. This is not the puny, trifling influenza of the interior, but the sun-kissed, extra-flnenza extra-flnenza of Eolden Califor- ft nla the one outstanding out-standing product of this coast which our tourist bureaus do not advertise. In the chronle form, It's like visiting vis-iting klnfolks from back East, arriving In the fall and hanging on all winter. win-ter. The kind I have stays long Irvin S. Cobb. enough to make you wish you were dead and Dot quite long enough to kill you. After swallowing so many different differ-ent remedies I am, as you might say, full of conflicting emulsions. When I sneeze my watch stops. When I cough sea Hons get Jealous and I seem to feel a lot of things giving way Inside of me. When I open my mouth somebody sticks In either a pill or a thermometer and neither one helps. Testing Drunken Drivers. FOR testing drunken drivers the Cleveland police have a device named the opthalmlc televlnocular stethoscone. But why not Just ask the suspect to pronounce It and abide by the results? Old times back home, we had our own system. We didn't follow the New York scheme of Inviting the alleged Inebriate to say "Sissie Fitzgerald," Fitz-gerald," because he'd probably take refuge In his constitutional rights as a southern gentleman and refuse to bandy a lad's name In any such place as the calaboose. Under our plan. If a citizen was lying in the street and his fingers didn't move, he was Intoxicated. But If even his little finger moved, be merely was resting. But we didn't have alcoholic automobiles au-tomobiles to pester us. The surplus sur-plus population was reduced with firearms or cutlery, thus giving everybody ev-erybody a chance. Mankind's Real Humanity. TT7UAT with this and that. Just when a fellow Is almost ready to decide that the human race should he charged o!T as practically practi-cally a total loss, something happens. Tills time It happened In a little mine In Nova Scotia where the calm heroism of two men. penned with the body of their dead comrade at the bottom of a caved In shaft, was matched by the magnificent gallantry, gallan-try, the Incredible endurance of volunteer vol-unteer rescuers, who. by day and night, unceasingly labored on In momentary mo-mentary peril of death for themselves them-selves to save the lives of that trapped pair and did save them. And a week or so before that It I happened when a young girl dragged I the only other survivors of an air- I plane crash out of the flaming wreckage and ministered to them j and forgot her own hurts while she ; waded long miles down n snow- I drifted mountain to give the alarm. and. having given It. staggered hack ' again to do what else she mig'.it. ! Bankers Versus Politics. POLITICS certainly makes es- i tranged bedfellows. But n Presidential campaign or two behind us and across the scene with thunderous tread stalked the sacred white cows of big money, their udders dripping wisdom, their gentlest bellow barkened to with eager ea-ger ears by candidates and delegates alike. Statecraft mingled with high finance was what they offered In a rich and creamy measure to one and all the pontifical Mitchell, the omnipotent om-nipotent Pawes. the Infallible In-sull. In-sull. the wondrous Wlggln (subsequently (subse-quently known as the uncovered Wlggln). And lo, the voice of Owen P. Young was heard In the land. But now, phis, where are the Ba-rnchs Ba-rnchs of yesteryear? Why, If this summer the average distinguished or. ns tho case may be, extinguished International hanker hank-er tries to get Into cither national convention they'll charge him admission. Meandering Horsemen. A 11AK1NU soul, residing In n hack corner of Bra-il. decided to ride horseback to New York. After Aft-er jogging along some weeks In what might he described ns n series of generaldlrectlons.be reached Klo .Innelro, only lo discover he'd already al-ready traveled l.L'iHt miles out of his way. The name Is given ns Senor Seve-rlno Seve-rlno Mourn Fonseca, hut the gentleman gentle-man certainly behaved ns though he were n congressional Investigating committee. Why. be even outwan-dorod outwan-dorod Senator Black of Alabama, nnd up until the other day. when the administration threw n not over him, the senator held the world's championship for loose wandering. It's startling. Isn't It. how suddenly sudden-ly the great silence descends upon a statesman who gels mil of line with the top bosses? C'M 1 h;ltt n N I ' F.M vl.. Hero or Fool Similar opportunities win mi, hero of one man and 'c-ol of t::i-: |