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Show Kathleen Norris Says: TTiC7i a Marriage Ossifies Bell Syndicate. WNU Features. t) ; AT If Q t fP'i.' 'S Jro&iau wan 't "For seven long years of their marriage, Francie argued very definitely and firmly that they could not afford a child. By KATHLEEN NORRIS THE trouble with most marriages is that they jell. By which I mean that they get set into a certain cer-tain form and shape, and neither nei-ther party to the contract takes the trouble ever to change them. Having mutually flattered and spoiled and given way to each other In the ecstatic days of the honeymoon, honey-moon, both husband and wife naturally nat-urally begin to think themselves perfect. Any criticism after that if it is merely to brown the toast a little darker must be offered with the utmost tact. If presently Peter says that Susan's upsweep hairdo is prettier, in his humble opinion, than the eternal bell-shape of hanging locks, Susan is deeply wounded. "Don't you like the way I usually wear my hair, Peter?" "Of course I do, darling. Only this way is pretty, too." "You never said, all those lovely days at Cypress Point, that you hated the way I do my halrl" "I never hated It, honey. I just thought " How It Begins. But that's just it, Peter. You may be one of those unfortunate husbands hus-bands who mustn't think, at least as far as any change Is concerned. And right there your marriage begins be-gins to jell. Any marriage is in danger when you begin to hear husband or wife say things like this: "The piano will stay there, Peter, because that's the place for It." "We can't, Mary. Peter never goes to weddings." "Why should we go to the company com-pany picnic? We never have." "When we were first married you weren't always yapping about being be-ing home evenings." "Don't let's talk when Peter's here. He hates to hear women talking talk-ing clothes." "She always gets mad if It's poker. Just don't say anything about it." "That disgusting smell of your pipe again!" Neither one willing to change, to stop now and then to consider the other's point of view. And one more marriage is hardening into failure. To say "I am always like that, and he'll just have to make up his mind to it," doesn't hurt him half as much as it hurts you. It hurts us all to Jell in our manners, man-ners, prejudices, habits, thoughts. Many a woman who carefully changes her hats, hair arrangements and the color of her fingernails from year to year, won't consider changing chang-ing her stupid mind and soul. She would blush to be seen in a peach-basket peach-basket hat with her belt about the hips of her gown, or to happily allude al-lude to "Gone With The Wind" as the book of the moment. If the shoulders shoul-ders of her coat have too little or too much padding, she suffers until it is made right. Irritating Habits. But In her ideas in her rooted dislikes and fancies in her habits of always being just a little late, always spending just a little too much, always saying the light little lit-tle hurtful thing, how fixed she is! I knew one man who finally divorced the wife who humiliated him by always al-ways referring to herself as poor. They were not poor, he was a hard- working, intelligent and capable man, but it satisfied some deep sadistic vein in Francie to complain prettily to her friends of poverty. "My dear, that's for rich people. Bob and I can't afford anything like that. It would be lovely, but poor folks can't be choosers," said Francie, Fran-cie, for 12 long years. Her pretty home, her car, her generous share of the good things of life meant nothing to her. Wifely consideration considera-tion and generosity were nowhere. For the seven long years of their marriage Francie argued very definitely de-finitely and firmly that they could not afford a child. "Not until we can give him everything!" every-thing!" she said. That time never came. But a divorce and a second marriage came for Bob, who now has a nurseryful of small children. Children to be given just as good a chance as any in the world, and better. Human life is change and movement. move-ment. Spiritual life is change and movement, too. Unless you are continually con-tinually examining your marriage, studying your part in it, thinking of the ways you yourself may change, in mind, soul and body, to make yourself sweeter and dearer to those near to you, your marriage may go dead. A woman my age often looks back with regret to the vagaries of her younger years, the unnecessary things she wanted, the foolish laws she laid down, the thinKS she positively posi-tively "couldn't do." Too late she learns how little she really needed for happiness, how useless the laws were, how many of the "impossible" "impos-sible" things she had to do. But how much prayer and thought and study a young wife needs, to keep her marriage from jelling! "My dear, that's for rich people." |