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Show 7 what s fA S A QpV T EVERLY HILLS, CALIF. D It may be old to you, but it's new out here: Small Prussian town turns out for traveling circus. Ferocious Fero-cious lion escapes; villagers flee madly. Sinewy stranger grapples, single-handed, with ravening rav-ening brute; twists Its jaws, hammers ham-mers its nose, boots it back Into cage. Entire community start3 jubilationflags jubila-tionflags flying, bands playing, burgomaster puts on his high hat, special train rushing rush-ing the hero to Berlin Ber-lin to be decorated deco-rated by Herr Hitler Hit-ler as reincarnation reincarna-tion of ancient Nordic Nor-dic demigods, typifying typi-fying spirit of old German stocks all that sort of thing. Suddenly hideous discovery Is made that stranger's Irvin S. Cobb. background Is not Teutonic, the family name being Ginsberg. Celebration Cele-bration called off, flags furled, bands sneak home, special train canceled, burgomaster has apoplexy. And next day the local paper comes out with scathing article under un-der the headline, "Jew Attacks Defenseless De-fenseless Lion." Criminal Lawyers. WE'RE a funny people. Did we read where in some far-off country, men who had access to zoos picked the locks on the cages and freed the man-eating tigers and the blood-thirsty wolves and the deadliest poison snakes to go forth and kill again, we'd marvel at a land which endured such a thing. But when In our own land criminal crim-inal lawyers truthfully boast that, of all the Individuals charged with deliberate murder whom they have defended, no single one ever went to noose or chair, and that ever so many more were, by their skill, saved from the prisons where we are supposed to pen our human tigers ti-gers and wolves and snakes, we give these geniuses our admiration and much free advertising, and young lawyers crave to follow In their Illustrious footprints. We are indeed a funny people so funny it's hard to decide whether wheth-er we should laugh at ourselves or weep. Husbands and Wives, T OTS of matrimony in the news, - now that marriage, instead of being a contract, is a ninety-day option. op-tion. A gentleman who's president of the take a deep breath American Creative League of Harmony and Music Students, declares if ill-suited couples learn the guitar happiness happi-ness would return, the guitar, he states, being the most romantic instrument in-strument there is. But once, in vaudeville, I saw a peevish helpmate help-mate crown friend husband with an Inlaid guitar, and It didn't seem to do him any real good. Slowing Up Youth. QBYIOUSLY it's too late to save the confirmed speed-maniacs among the adult population. They won't be with us long, anyhow, and will be missed by but few, if any. Every time one of these madmen whizzes past, I find myself saying to the back of his neck, "Welli brother, glad to have this glimpse at you. Probably I'll not be seeing you again unless I should drop in at the morgue the day you arrive." But maybe we might help to insure in-sure the oncoming generations by inaugurating a definite course of juvenile ju-venile education. Let's start with the babies; let's make it a fixed and required ritual In every kindergarten, kindergar-ten, every public or private parochial paro-chial school yes, every Sunday school, every Boy Scout camp and at every girl's campfire; every place where youngsters are gathered Over and over again, let's pound it Into them that reckless drlvin" Is neither gallant nor smart nor sporting, but that it is stupid and criminal and vicious and murderous. Desolation of Floods. TUIE first time we went to Venice my w'fe looked across the Grand canal and said: jt?'.,DId you ever see onythlnglike And, trying to be funnv, I said-Absolutely, said-Absolutely, looks just like South Third street did during the big rise in 1913. If right now a follow a skllT should come rowing Up to this window to collect the wn torrent. tor-rent. I'd swear I was buck homo " That seemed a sorry Joke as I road of a monstrous yellow torrent sweeping down on the beleaguered owlnnds whore n,y poople ,!lvo lived f(,r nnnr,y a cen(ury nm r 1 "If. bringing ruin on Its crest and desolation in Its wnko. Snroly nature has boon pltlloss tills last your-droiiths and tInst. 8 onus; forest llros and smokopalls Wlw-nrda and loopnoks; now l-nerWl ,10,,s- S,m nmii'tlons, one consoling thought Cloim.j llUo n star: congros, will inljouni prolly soon. , IRVIN S. CODB. oiytll,t WNU r.rvlc |