OCR Text |
Show Here are some tricks to catch April fool the editor's column By MARC HADDOCK The biggest problem with April's Fool Day is coming up with some new idea to April Fool someone. I mean, you can only put salt in the sugar bowl so often before people start to catch on. And the cry, "Look out, there's a bug on your head!" no longer holds water on April 1. 1 After a lot of thought, however, I've come up with several April Fool's ideas fit for most of your typical practical jokers and class clowns. The first idea doesn't even have to be done on April Fool's Day. In fact, it would be even better a day or two after. Here's how it works. Set your alarm so you wake up early in the morning, while everyone else is asleep. Two a.m. is a good time, unless you have teenagers, then 5 a.m. is a better choice. After you wake up, while everyone else is asleep, sneak into all the bedrooms in the house and set the clocks ahead one hour. This only works if you coordinate everything perfectly. Contact the radio and television stations, so they get in on your joke. They are usually more than willing to alter their programming so it agrees with the new time on your clocks. Contact your church, so they start their meetings an hour early. Sure, it's a lot of work, but it's also a lot of fun. The payoff is this. Everyone with their clock set ahead will suffer. They'll be tired and cranky, and they won't know why they are miserable. Through this nifty April neighborhood at 2 a.m. is fun to hear new babies and their mothers trying to reconcile themselves to the new schedule. A brave soul might even venture out to a farm about milking time with a tape recorder in hand to preserve for the ages the humorous musings of the farmer trying to make his cows believe his digital timepiece instead of their biological clocks. For added enjoyment, arrange with the local highway department to close down some of the major freeway entrances. This will really annoy the sleepy drivers who are running late, anyway. Then, when they get on the freeway, see that it has been reduced from six lanes to two-lane traffic. What a hoot ! Another excellent April Fool's day trick relies on the cooperation of the U.S. Postal Service, but it is guaranteed to generate a great deal of amusement. On April Fool's Day, or close to it, have the post office raise the price of a postage stamp by, oh, just a few cents. Putting it up to a quarter ought to do the trick. The Postal Service will probably want to spread the word around, since they April Fool most of us a little bit all year long. But trust me, enough people won't get the message that lots of letters will be sent back for insufficient postage. This is particularly effective if you' wait just long enough after the real April Fool's day to mess up the postage on people's tax forms. Some people may go on enjoying this particular April Fool's joke for years to come. For a particularly cruel April Fool's joke, call a special session of the Utah Legislature. Or if you want to April Fool even more people, try this. Let's say there's a big election coming up, and you want to April Fool the whole country. On one party ticket, get a whole bunch of people nobody has ever heard of to run for office. Then throw in one guy everyone has heard of but who nobody thinks can get elected. This combination will keep about half of the nation's voters confused for most of the election year. On the other ticket, run a candidate can-didate who was real well-known until about eight years before when he dropped out of sight. A vice president fits the bill nicely, especially one who won't take responsibility for anything he's done as a vice president. (That's okay, since no one knows what vice presidents do, anyway. ) This April Fool's joke has a long term payoff. Not only is the country confused right up through November, when the election is held, but we get an April Fool to keep us in stitches for at least four more years. I have a lot more April Fool's jokes up my sleeve, honest. But I'm keeping them to myself, at least for this year. If too many people hear about them, they lose their punch. So look out. It's hard to say who might get April Fooled the most this year. Fool's joke, you will have robbed them of an hour's sleep ! The alarm clock will be saying. "Rise and shine." while the body is saying . . . well. I can't repeat what the body will be saying. In the morning, the kids can play "Dodge the Dodge'' in the dark as they walk to school - especially the kids who are on the early schedules of the new extended day programs This is a clever joke on both the kids and the sleepy drivers who are still trying to find that lost hour and miss that mischievous 10 year old in the middle of the road At night, parents will be trying to convince kids it's bedtime while the sun is still shining. A stroll around the neighborhood will yield a great deal of satisfaction at the howls coming from different homes For the more adventurous jokesters. a stroll around the |