Show kathleen norris says dont divorce an unfaithful 1 ather bell syndicate Syndi cale anu features kb 0 lei rela fa p ag 0 M 1 c 0 0 c y 14 0 a P Z 1 fail zi A C na my Z N y AYAN v r kj all this time my husband has regarded aerna as merely another child now he wants her lor his wilo and has asked rne lor a divorce by KATHLEEN NORRIS N the many years during I 1 IN which I 1 have been writing these articles one question has been asked frequently perhaps more frequently than any other it is Is infidelity a justification for divorce when children are involved vol ved my answer has inevitably evit ably been no the women who have no children dont ask this question they simply get their divorces it is when there is a small son or daughter in in the family that the agonizing ago 9 problem presents itself and that a wom ans as decision to seek a divorce brings infinite misery to the innocent as well as the guilty possibly very high spiritual and religious grounds might be cited as reasons against such divorces but these are not the grounds upon which I 1 base my position it Is based solely upon human happiness A woman wh who 0 preserves the outward dignity of her home saves her children the spiritual disturbance of losing faith in their father maintains her position as w wife lie mother and house manager despite inward heartbreak and disillusionment is in the end far happier than the woman who breaks all ties pulls up roots scars and horrifies young minds with devastating revelations of the details of marital failure some harsh descriptions the proof of this is all about us to justify herself in the step she takes a woman describes her faulty spouse as nothing less than a monster keep check some time on the number of your divorced friends who describe their ex husbands as bends mental cases moral degenerates their own mothers cant stand them their clubs have expelled them they ought to be in institutions ann I 1 said once to a friend who was in course of being divorced how could you tell tommy tomm and ellen that tom struck you yot well she answered defensively he might m 1 abt as well we 11 h have a v e struck me as have said some of the things he did this Is typical the accusing woman lowers herself she becomes vituperative and spiteful only a new great love accompanied with understanding and patience and gentleness can restore her to a normal attitude toward life she does not often find that love she is in no condition to find it so my advice to her is to stick to it to stop suspicion to conquer sensitiveness siti veness to accept facts tom the dear attentive delightful companion of only a few years past loves another woman that part of marys life is over the joyous be oved loved confident part she has lived only tor for him adored her son and daughter partly because they were also I 1 0 his it been enough it saved her nothing can save mary from the bitter humiliation of knowing that she been able to hold her man an divorce wont save her that divorce will only advertise it to the whole world divorce hands all the trump cards to the new sweetheart the latter grabs them easily and a few ew days after the divorce Is granted she marries tom to his bis enduring wretchedness and hers mary Is also wretched wretched it if she lives a lopsided lop sided lonely life with the children sharing their cereal and applesauce at six and going to bed at nine more wretched it if she marries someone who understand them or love them THE LESSER EVIL the woman who chooses divorce 1 t as the solution of her marital problems runs the risk of having to face even greater unhappiness and if there are children even infidelity is not sufficient cause for her to make such a choice she must face heartbreak and suspicion and yet remain calm she must n not at let the loss of the conal confidence and love of the file man she married disturb the comfort and serenity of his home that is of course asking a great de deal a 1 but by lol following lowing chis course rather than the other one of divorce site she will avoid adding her mistake to ids his the mere semblance of a happy home is bad enough but in this case it is the lesser evil mail brings me this letter 1 I am a woman of 34 married just ten years I 1 idealized rob tor for years before we were married and for years afterward we have two beautiful girls eight and five we four have been inseparable loving admiring each other always happy together seven months ago there was a change the girl who has taken my place in my husbands heart is only 18 she is orphaned my husbands ward she is very beautiful innocent and artless in manner and rich to robert the thought of possessing all this loveliness youth charm and the added independence is evidently acting like an intorf intoxicating wine he Is completely bewitched alma makes no secret of 0 her passionate devotion to him since she was very small she has been in the habit of kissing him sitting on an his knee ruffling his hair she continues all this all this time until now he has regarded her as merely another child but now he wants her for his wife it never lasts 1 I know the wreckage of his life t that hat w would uld follow this step alma allow is sh shallow flirtatious self centered as most little beauties of her age she loves to pout and tease she wants to go to hollywood to study tor for the films and he has promised to take her it if only sally will be an angel and say yes besl his infatuation tor for her will last only as long as she chooses to flatter him and be sweet then some younger man will come along and rob reputation and practice destroyed wife and children allena alienated ted will be left in the ruins of his own life rob is just 40 the alternative to my shrieking at him as I 1 sometimes want to do take her and get out I 1 never want to see either of you idiots Is the bitter one of living with a silent resentful man whose attitude will be that I 1 have destroyed his one chance for or happiness in life that my own life is destroyed I 1 know but there are my girls innocent and sweet and completely completely unconscious of all this until very lately their fathers devotion to them from the very hour of their birth has been the admiration of all our friends 1 I can send alma away indeed it is already arranged that she is to go to a dramatic school in southern california but what sort of a husband would I 1 have after all this what am I 1 to do divorce will only bring misery to you sally and in the long run to him too |