Show kathleen norris says teasing Is innate cruelty bell service I 1 1 al when maude and her husband came to us UJ lor for their fust first dinner party as married people dave my husband began teasing leasing her to my horror he mentioned the name of a the man with whom alaide had been in love by KATHLEEN NORRIS PHREE years ago tjanine when I 1 was 18 writes janine my chum maude and I 1 thought we were deeply in love our two boy friends took us everywhere dancing skiing to movies and night clubs and we felt there was no harm in the intimate relationship that naturally resulted I 1 can truly say that no thought of hesitation or guilt ever crossed my mind when I 1 be became carkie engaged last year however I 1 told dave of that early aff affair air he immediately assured me that he was no angel and had not expected me to be one and that he felt elt that sort of thing ought to be forgotten maude was also married some weeks ago and after her honeymoon she and her husband came to us tor for their first dinner party as married people we had a table of eight and everything went perfectly except that dave began to tease her and to my horror mentioned the nama of the man with whom maude had been to in love and asked her if she ever saw him all Us this mystified maudes husband maude called me up in a perfect panic the next day saying she had not told rod anything of her early affair and that dave had simply infuriated her by his teasing talk immediately I 1 told dave he said bald that he would of course not go on with it and added that he would never have thought maude was that sort of a girl caused a quarrel you can imagine how bow this made me feell I 1 was so mad that we had what dave called our first knock down and drag out fight but we got over it and were friends again and decided to forget the whole thing and start fresh but a day or two later he asked me how long my intimate relationship with my first sweetheart had gone on I 1 answered only tor for about three months and nothing more was said yesterday morning the paper mentioned the tact fact that maude is on the committee to provide amusement tor for the men in camps and dave made s sneering reference to it he said this was only in tun fun but later maude sent me a brief cold note saying that they could cou id not come to a buffet party that we are giving after the big football game and I 1 know they have given two dinners at least in the last month but we have not been asked to their house yet I 1 am m afraid david has carried his fun too tar far maude maud Is my oldest friend and we have talked tor for years of the pleasure we would have as brides doing our shopping and discussing our housekeeping together can you make any suggestion that kiy may save me from losing her friendship and influencing dave not to tease her or remind her again of the past A fatal flaw A teasing husband my dear janine is a much more serious matter than it sounds impulses toward murder theft arson and for forgery geri are kept in or order derby by the law and ana bya mans natural fear of punishment nt i but teising teasing Is a fatal flaw the refa tion s hip between married marr led persona f know f of any cure teasing Is innate cruelty seeking peeking an n outlet it veils its intention rs ITS NOT FUN no one not even the teaser himself escapes the consequences of the hints that are dropped all in jun fun its not fun for anyone concerned when a husband begins to suspect that the jokes about his wile wife may have some basis in truth ruth its not jun fun for anyone when a wife loses her best friend because her husband just cant resist the temptation to make personal remarks kathleen norris believes that those who enjoy teasing others have in their makeup a streak of real cruelty teasing she says is innate cruelty seeking an outlet dont he be deceived by the fact that it is supposed to be a joke to sting and hurt under under a merry mask of fun it Is always just fooling when he carelessly and laughingly has threatened the actual foundations of a marriage as dave in hla his lighthearted light hearted banter with maude he retreats coward fashion dave pretends not to realize that he may have started suspicions in the mind of maudes husband may regret her secrecy you were smarter than maude in that you made a clean breast of your own early weakness in the safety of engagement days when dave was so anxious to win you that nothing you could have done as a girl would deter him maude chose to keep her secret and she may yet live to regret the deception you had better give up the hope of continuing your friendship with maude young wives almost always have to sacrifice their schoolgirl school girl friendships to the claims of husbands and you will be no worse off than the others make new friends devote yourself as I 1 am sure you are arc devoting yourself to the full time job of keeping dave happy and build building nig tor for you both a sound and successful marriage but if he continues his teasing and extends it pretty generally to all your friends one way to spike his guns Is to acknowledge cheerfully that david happy unless hes teasing someone say something like hell tell lell you that your children are under undersized S jred tom and that if be been en as smart as he is you wouldn t have had to pay that speeding one e an and d that hi he e knows you and betty tty carn came e here to dinner to get our I 1 insurance su rance but dont take it ser seriously bously pave davo is a darling in spite of it all no perfect solution this makes what ammunition dave has in store decidedly wet but it is not a perfect solution there is no perfect solution tor for so serious a fault except the solution that must come from the tease himself a genuine resolution to be considerate of the feelings and misfortunes of others in new york some years ago there was a complacent wife who sufficiently impress an all of us who had suffered in the general financial collapse with the fact that she and her husband were luckier than ever and richer than ever it wonderful she would babble happily harry just got out of this in time and into that when it was going to make that ben sensational alo al rise and just before the cr crash ash he sold our place tor for three timer what it would bring today |