Show kathleen norris says age gap in marriage bell syndicate features feature za 0 1 11 to think of 01 margot married to a man twenty years older than I 1 am actually bickens sickens me by KATHLEEN NORRIS CURIOUSLY enough my C I 1 mail this week con bained two letters one from portland oregon and one from cleveland ohio and both asking the same question is a difference in age a serious thing in marriage the portland girl is 30 years old her young man is only 24 she says that she is young for her years and that he has been developed by responsibilities bili ties and hard times to seem much older than he is he was a worker at 14 took care of an invalid mother and little sister until the mother died and the little sister married and alma says saya that while he is full of fun and eona confidence dence and eti eagerness gerness he is really a serious man in many ways alma has had a hard time too she has been the main support support of a family of older persons faithfully moving between home and office tor for almost 12 years but tor for all that she is young in spirit she writes me of a tiny weekend week end cottage near the sea where she has sometimes crowded in as many as a dozen friends of her cat her window gardens her love for cooking and the tiny niece that her brother sometimes lends her tor for a visit and her picture shows a small charming person beaming under a wide brimmed hat so my advice to alma was to mar ry her tom at once and en enjoy joy her rightful share of happiness Ss as wife homemaker home maker and someday mother pleasant years predicted there Is no generalizing about marriage but it is true that marriage In Which the wife is somewhat the older ot of the two do generally turn out happily alma is going into this marriage with a real determination to make it a success and something tells me that it will be one athe other case is that of a girl named margot who Is 17 she is the only child of cd a divorced mother it Js the mother who writes me ine 1 I was only 18 when margot was born says her letter so that we re really any are more like sisters than mother and daughter she ha has s been my one and sole consideration tor for every moment of her life we traveled in europe every summer I 1 helped her with all her lessons we had a plan tor for every saturday and sunday my husband was 14 years older than 1 I it was his family and his first cifes family who made our marriage impossible margot was only a few months old when I 1 left her father and I 1 have not seen him since fince like an uncle to margaret has always been the family doctor he was on the staff of the hospital where a she he was born later became a nerve s specialist and moved into our neighborhood bo he is now 54 when he began to call constantly at our house it was natural tor for me to feel that he was interested to in me I 1 have always liked him without ever giving any deeper feeling so much as a thought 1 some weeks ago I 1 said half seriously to margot that I 1 wished john to call him that would ask me to marry him and have it over as the suspense created by his bis calls gifts significant n ant speeches notes was getting on my relives daughters confession her answer was a burst of tears and a hysterical statement that it if it had bad not been for her tear fear that I 1 loved john and that it would break my heart to lose him she would have ave told me long before that she TWO ANSWERS this week kathleen norris answers two letters asking whether or not it is essential esse nii to a happy marriage for the husband and wife to be the same or nearly the sane same age in each of these two tivo cases the answer is no 11 although the circumstances vary considerably on the one hand of 39 30 wants to marry a young man 24 and on the other a girl of 17 is madly in love with a middle aged man about three times her age be sure to read this wise and tolerant discussion of a problem that has troubled many women I 1 was madly in love with him I 1 ww was stupefied margot to me Is still the dear happy dancing child who has been my companion all these years to think of 0 her as married and married to a 8 man almost 20 years older than I 1 am actually sickens bickens me I 1 have not been well in soul mind or body since this thunderbolt fell upon me john is about three times her age a well groomed successful man who has many friends a fine practice and who is extremely youthful in his tastes he takes her to dances plays tennis associates much with younger people but all that change the facts worse he was married long before margot w was 3 born and has two daughters older than margot one of these is married the other lives at home as his housekeeper and as the establishment lish ment includes his paralyzed old mother two servants a nurse for the mother and an office nurse with a chauffeur and gardener as well everyone everio n e seems to feel that margot would be lucky to keep this daughter in the family as manager margot stands a little in awe of helen who is about 24 and says she would like this arrangement but to think of my adored baby in that big house with a husband older than her own father is and all those complicated relationships to adjust frightens me I 1 could prevent this marriage until she is 18 perhaps but she could go to her father tor for permission and as he has never had the slightest responsibility tor for her or interest in her he would probably give his consent what argument can I 1 use with her to convince her that she ts is throwing away youth good times the prospect of falling normally in love with someone of a suitable age for certainly what she feels for this man love situation beyond control the answer is you can do nothing and for your consolation let it be said that margot Is now playing a part and it is a happy and popular part that will be margers Mar gots role and she will love it presently the iraids chauffeur hauff bauff eur step daughters the helpless old mother the nurses will all be in love with lovely little mrs john sometimes girls keep up that attitude all their lives I 1 knew one handsome old woman who still liked to remember that when at 16 she married a rich man of 55 he insisted that she go on with her schooling and when he went to the philippines during the spanish war he put her into boarding school she had four step sons all much taller and older then than she and two boys of her own and while it marriage as most men and women know it marriage with its young cares and responsibilities its mutual dependence and financial worries it was a happy life for her |