Show Everything's Automatic By FLORENCE BITTNER Housewives are frequently reminded of the labor-saving devices that make our lives one gay button smash after another as we while away our carefree days lounging on the deck of our backyard swimming pool while busy little gadgets do our There automatic services in my home I have never seen pictured in a glossy AUTOMATIC Cook a big send the stuffed eaters to the television set and get at the I guarantee before the refrigerator door closes on ithe last put away someone will appear in the kitchen and The years between ten and twenty are one long battle to appease a ravening Nothing nourishing will stop its It can only be soothed by such extremes as ice WITH THIS kind of appetite loose in the pre-planning meals is futile unless you have everything under lock and key and dire Bake a few dozen cupcakes for tomorrow night's stash them in the freezer behind two large packages of ice and when you go to get the not only will they have disappeared into the ferocious they will have been followed by the two packages of ice And the appetite will still be IF THE appetite is more than twenty years the automatic thing about it is its ability to foretell the evening's Plan and it will have had hamburgers for Plan on breast of pheasant under glass a exotic and either it will have had breast of pheasant under glass a whatever or it will call half an hour after the meal was ready to say sorry it is and will grab a snack MY DISHES are I wash them and they are automatically dirty again before I can get the towel hung My floors are Scrub the kitchen and it makes its own instant mud In summer add a few splotches of black Vacuum the carpets and they instantly sprout bits of twigs and dead My windows are Wash them and I bring on a dust They also manufacture their own dear little finger prints with an occasional nose print for MY BATHTUB automatic Check at your pleasure and you'll find from one to half a dozen assorted widths and densities of I know this is an automatic ser vice because we have more bathtub rings than we have Now which publication on the conveniences of the modern American woman's world has thoroughly explored the automatic qualities of Wash a pair and you come up with a The greatest mystery remaining in our world today is what happened to the other IF YOU should happen to find a one of them will automatically have a Or if you find a pair without a one of them will automatically have been washed in a batch with the will be six shades lighter than its former My clothes hampers I would love to trade into a money They are never If only my purse would make money like my make dirty I SUSPECT there is a law which states the dirty clothes generated by a family will always maintain a level of at least one hamper-full ahead of any existing labor-saving laundry We have automatic dust in our house I don't worry so much about that since I found out furniture is never really free of Wipe it clean and instantly the busy little dust particles begin to I'm all for ecology and if my dust particles need a resting they're welcome to my tables from Friday to Once a week I energetically dust everything because I think the little need the exer- Our lives are full of unexplored Think of the time it would take to perform all these little services for |