Show 3 6 phillip r soe S oe ELMER TWITCHELL ON THE GAS CRISIS im au all set for this gasoline rationing tio ning declared elmer twitchell today aint a bit worried got myself all adjusted wont notice it at all how so we asked preparedness snapped elmer been salting it away or got a pull with a gasoline bootlegger neither explained mr twitchell ive done nothing beyond the reach of any other american any auto owner can take the same steps I 1 have so that the gas shortage wont bother him in the least speak what have you done well ill tell you said elmer its very simple first of all ive painted every light in the house a bright red the big idea 1 I want the full atmosphere of the open road he continued then ive put obstacles all over every room so therell be trouble getting anywhere im hanging a dead end sign at the front door and I 1 put a detour marker on the back door to complicate matters yes but dont interrupt he snapped im putting windshield wipers on every window in the house breaking them first I 1 mean breaking the windshield wipers not the windows I 1 want to be sure none of em work then im setting the furnace on full tilt and removing the thermostatic adjustments I 1 want to be sure im hot 0 0 0 we were beginning to get the drift im putting in a big stock of horsemeat horse meat neat frankfurters and stale rolls a lot of wet peanuts and plenty of bananas and soda pop enough to last all fall and winter he continued and ive order ordered d a four months supply of pickles eggs and all the other junk people eat on their sunday afternoon pleasure trips gas or no gas I 1 dont want to take any chance on being cut off from all my accustomed cus tomed pleasures a you mean youre not even counting on using an auto we exclaimed exactly said elmer ill have my house all fixed up with everything I 1 can get through motoring im even arranging to have grease put all over the chairs and walls and im putting in a small stove to burn nothing but rubber and see this elmer held up a phonograph record put it on the machine and all it does is just snarl in different keys every little while a voice yells get over ya big bum mr twitchell wa was well pleased with himself its a pretty good idea we agreed good my eye its perfect concluded elmer without a pint of gasoline to my name im all set to enjoy everything at home that I 1 would enjoy if I 1 went out in the auto inexplicable it seems to me somewhat ironic that tender care massage and tonic should be required of men who cherish A scalp adequately fairish ha irish whereas unwanted hair strewn across the chin and cheeks though hewn and leveled to the skin and thwarted when it is barely getting started despite mistreatment curse and scorning returns augmented every morning richard armour 0 0 0 new automobiles will lose their decorative touch and frills headline we may even have to get along for two years in succession with the same radiator ornament autumn when you feel so strange going around with no broken bottle wounds in your feet no mustard on your shirt no sand in your ears and no plaster across the bridge of your nose 0 0 a books and beer upon a table A pinch of snuff for those whore able alipe A pipe of bacay for a friend whom fortune may see fit to send so shall mine house well ordered be for a friend who finds his friend in me gordon R Hig higham harn elmer twitchell twi insists that he drove up to a fashionable pumping ff station sunday and found a sign sien reserved on it the U S has more doctors to population than any country th |