Show about benefit promises ANTA MONICA CALIF S SANTA maybe benefits are being overdone indeed some are rackets wearing the mask of charity but even so if a good trouper has promised to show up think he would prove hes a good trouper by showing up there have been cases out here when there were listed SWU enough notables to make awhile constellation of stars but what resulted was a milky way of amateurs and unknowns those last minute alibis lor for nonappearance are not always true ones the real facts may be A night club cutup has been unexpectedly taken sober and so funny A darling of the V screen thinks he did enough when he allowed the use of his name so he spends the evening congenially posing for profile photographs irvin S cobb an actor is busy trying to decide whether hell sell his yacht and buy a racing stable or sell his racing stable and buy a yacht an actress suddenly remembers she has an engagement over the arizona line to be married some more staying at home to post up the diary used to be an excuse but dairy keeping is now out oh absolutely I 1 talking fish PROF ISAAC GINSBURG of the 1 united states bureau of fisheries solemnly vows he has heard those tiny aquatic creatures known as sea horses communicating with one another by speech and he suspects other species do the same thing undoubtedly so I 1 can confirm this discovery by a story drury underwood used to repeat drury laid said a gentleman ordered whitefish in in a chicago restaurant when the portion arrived the patron sniffed at it a and nd then in a confidential undertone der tone began talking seemingly to himself the waiter ranged up anything wrong sir he inquired oh no said the patron 1 I was just talking to the fish talking certainly I 1 said to him well hoare tricks out in lake michigan and he said 1 I know its been so long since I 1 left there I 1 cant remember anything about it the race to arms ITALY sees britaina Brit ains bet of to be spent on war defense during the next five years and raises it by decreeing of all classes between the ages of eighteen and fifty five which means a trained fighting force of ready for immediate mobilization liza tion adding as a side wager the promise of total sacrifice if required of civil necessities for attainment of maximum military needs this means of course that france and germany and russia must chip in with taller stacks than before before and thus the merry game goes on until some nation in desperation pe ration calls some other nations bluff and all go down together in a welter of blood and bankruptcy and stark brutality the world has been years patching together the covering called civilization but experience shows that this sorry garment may be rent to tatters in an hour maniacs and motors dispatches tell of a slaying automobile which chased a citizen clear up on the sidewalk and nailed him this is a plain breach of the ethics governing our most popular national pastime that of mowing down the innocent bystander among our outstanding motor maniacs it has already been agreed that once a foot passenger reaches the pavement he is out of bounds and cannot be put back in play until somebody shoves him into the the roadway again otherwise the pedestrian ep des trian class would speedily be exterminated whereas its members are valuable for target practice when an operator is building up to the point where he is qualified to sideswipe a car full of women and children while going seventy miles on an hour or meet a fast train on equal terms at a grade crossing by all means let us clarity clarify the rules so that the sport of destroying human life on the highroads high roads shall not suffer through the of 0 amateur homicides remember our proud boast that we lead all the world in traffic horrors IRVIN S COBB Q service |