Show RULES FOR THE OF THE NEXT WAS WAR it seems to have been determined by the bankrupt minds that operate the world that the only solution tor for present troubles is another war A new war will it is hoped kill oft off the surplus labor this is obviously the easiest means of getting rid of it and the best minds will as usual take the easiest arfy it is so much easier to start a war than to apply common sense to world ills well it if we are gol going fig to have another war we might ns as well have some rules tor for it the last was ought fought as the politicians say lr fr regardless of rules and it was pret ty much ot of a mess we offer tor for public approval a model set of rules 1 that the manufacturers of army raincoats be compelled to wear their own product pay their own doctor bills when stricken with pneumonia and pay their own funeral expenses 2 that all congressmen aal senators voting tor for war aar be given the choice of enlisting in tho the shock troops or being shot on the capital steps 3 that ally all manufacturers of war supplies be hanged bhea their profits reach the million dollar mark 4 that uplift agencies charged with the moral welfare of the troops be prohibited from shipping cash registers into the war zone 5 that all tour four minute speakers be shot at the completion of their first two minutes of oratory 6 that all holy men who announce to their congregations that the almighty is fighting with us be dispatched to interview him personally on the subject and find out 7 that each battleship cruiser destroyer and submarine shall carry as excess baggage one or more stock holders in fit battleship building concerns 8 that the secret service be restrained from the discovery of enemy plots every time somebody turns on a light in the parlor 9 that paper manufacturers be prohibited from entering the shoemaking trade 10 that restaurant proprietors near concentration camps be enjoined from having two menus one for civilians and one with higher prices for soldiers 11 that college professors be stopped from delving into history to prove that the enemy always was a low down scoundrel anyway 12 that the cause of war shall be clearly stated to the people as the reduction of unemployment and not disguised as a holy war to save civilization tr there are of course many more rules needed but these will suffice tor for a starter we suggest their adoption by luncheon clubs sewing cir circle clep debating societies and other cultural agencies and thein slon sion with resolutions urging their passage to congress portland ore NEWS |