Show ls the real cause of the battle ely by JOHN SIMMONS I 1 have liked this yarn ALWAYS because I 1 know it to be true la in every essential particular it happened a few years ago in a certain Ero broadway adway restaurant now closed where the waiters all were irishmen the owner was wag irish too it would appear that tills this owner la in ao an incautious hour bought a carload of michigan celery maybe it was wag a trainload at any rate the establishment was overstocked over stocked with celery that was threatening to go 90 baale and the stall staff had orders to push it while the pushing was good in the evening a friend of 0 mine of 41 waggish turn of mind entered the place and took a seat at a table near a front window he was a regular patron his favorite waiter a little peppery redheaded red headed chap whose first name was timothy ranged up alongside to take his order how are ye tonight began timmy are ye hungry ye are will vill good S lose iose thin we start off will a nice dish of celery the reader will note that timmy was wag mindful of his instructions from headquarters headquarter a no I 1 dont think ill take any celery tonight just a few olives and rai some gome salted peanuts to begin on the celery is very fine I 1 could recommend tt it crisp as a nut hut an sweet as sweet kin be better change your mind and let me I 1 no I 1 guess not bring roe me some oysters on the halt half shell wid aist a stick or two of that nice higan celery on the side jimmys voice had a winning way about it never mind the celery please and after the oysters a soup of some sort lets see now celery soup no chicken consomme and then a slice of roast beet beef rare with baked potato an a portion of boiled celery eh that new cook of ours has a way of bollin celery make to you no thank you timmy well thin surely be W anan a dash of salad to follow shall I 1 bring you a dish of celery salad not at all by this time the customer had figured out correctly what motive must lie ile at the back of lys determined campaign listen here tim be went on 1 I dont want any celery salad nor any celery pie nor any celery adery ice cream and I 1 even care for any celery flavoring in my coffee I 1 dont like celery I 1 never eat celery now run along and get me what ive ordered will you and dont mention the word celery to me again plainly discomfited by the diners obstinacy the little waiter departed As soon oil as he be was out of sight my friend hailed balled patsy the tall handsome headwaiter head walter oh pat he called just a minute please I 1 smiling a welcome the functionary approached pat said the joker ive been coming here a good many years now I 1 you tou have that ive been a KOOS good friend to this restaurant I 1 ir none better none better then why Is it when I 1 come in here and try to get something which I 1 particularly crave that thickhead thick head ed timmy just naturally wont let me have it oh there must be some mistake what was it you specially wanted well for the last fifteen minutes ive been sitting here trying to get it through that skull of his that id like just a few sprigs of fresh michigan celery i celery la 19 it pats astounded voice rose to I a whoop hoop will of all the he swung about on ills his heel to dart toward the pantry and bumped into timmy walt wait commanded the headwaiter in indignant tones stand there you idiot an answer me this why Is it whirl this gentleman that yeve known fur years comes la in cravan a bit of fresh celery you wont bring it CELERY with one wild whoop of rage tim my dropped the serving platter contents and all and as he made a leap for patricks throat my friend readied reached tor for his hat and quietly withdrew Q by ur the syndicate ino ina |