Show THE THE THE- Eye Ants View By By MAC Millions of Americans play golf I It youve never played it looks loose loosey y pretty retty silly pasture cow pasture cow pool its it's called by the uninitiated But Cut once th the MI golf-bug golf bites you youve you've got Jt it tad Dad True all you do Is hit a little b ball ll with a knobby stick and try to make It go Into a hole ab ut the size of an entrance toa to toa toa a gophers gopher's den But when you find tied it takes you 12 hits hit youre you're driven with a crazy urge to try 10 to make It in 11 11 and 10 and finally four which is the ulti mate 1 av Like Like lake everybody else I sneered at t the the pa pastime until somebody landed ded me a club a long time ago aad sad said Here lets let's see you hit lilt it Youre You're built like a brick bricko o outhouse you should swat it a mile vile Still sneering I swatted at at ball three times causing ve great t blasts of wind as I missed it Jt entirely Meanwhile I was watching u a pretty girl who weigh welp 9 pounds hit one yards which whick is two city blocks And so ao the bug bit me and I played d golf for several leveral year years In tn Omaha I worked nights which let me play every day which I did In the course coune of several summers I picked up several tre trophies phles which I will let you ye cu u see for a fee Bring e own wn k tone hi hir r Since e coming coining co ln to o Utah I have ha B. B t bad had the time Ume nor the place In 1966 1956 I played once one J Salt SaU Lake In Jn 1957 I play III ad d once jn la lI And Sunday I Once This is I. Wednesday J IsUn cant can't bend Anything 1 T 1 several veral Jark Park Irk City mining as I 1 I h had bad d coyly let it be tD Jut t J was wa a two-handicap two Un arl W average of J 3 t know o dl dJ passing Saturday they asked hel me ne to meet them in Salt Ne 4 Day pJ r 18 IS boles IB I 1 B II tickled pink ink Grand guys guy good company probably fair country golfers And so I showed up with all and my year three-year-old finery aging equipment B Bu Bustling u s t I II i n g. g Bouncing Cocky 01 had a chance to strut his hta stuff stuff Stand back boys here comes the champ What no cameras Are the sports writers late this morning It took me about three holes to find that somewhere along theline the theline theline line the champ had lost his stuff And it Kept setting getting hotter and hotter That Itch itchy spot on my heel developed enlo d into a 1 The loose hunk of gristle tle in m my left wrist grew into a broken bone And the ache low in my back became three slipped discs Meanwhile my companions all about about my age continued blithely to rub salt in my growing grow grow- growing ing wounds wounds not not with words but with example All their shots hots were longer and straighter straight straight- er than mine just Jut lucky understand unde Their murmurs of sympathy as I floundered deeper deep deep- er and deeper were sincere and understanding but nobody had hadan an opportunity to be admiring I Ilu At the end of nine holes nobody lu suggested ested a long pause pause beside a i babbling brook or at the nearest nearest dispensary of refreshment Nobody Nobody No No- body said Mac youre you're a little pale rale under the burn Want to rest Nobody of offered to carry m my clubs There was no suggestion I tion ton that I be given a stroke a ahole ahole ahole hole and that all bets bete be can can- celled After all wasn't 01 Ol Mac the two-h two a and n d I 1 c cap a p man from Omaha 1 And so 50 I staggered on Stiff upper lip Up Stiff wrist Stiff back And the holes kept getting longer and longer and the hills hili were wert all up and never down and my I golf ball the fifth one I I lost four In the tall tail bush bushes kept straying farther Into the woods And so 10 finally we came cameto to the end of the line Now According to my mr newspaper per ter er clippings I should have haye scored 80 strokes for 1 18 bolM holN Instead according to the score keeper 1 J had And this was just IS 16 strokes worse than the next poor eat est golfer Something wrong there somewhere but somewhere but not in the book keeping Maybe they hadn't waited wait ed tod to my clippings Or maybe they believed I 1 bought those tro trophies trophies tro tro- in a bock hock shop thop i The worst was wa yet to come Monday morning I was waa stiff aUff asa as u asI I a board sunburned sore ore creaking creak I ing In n every j Joint and still dead I tired after 12 hours houri sleep And AndI I my left wrist was waa swollen big bigger ger per than my hand Tuesday was I little better And today I still ache Nicest thing to know is the Weber River HUer Is only a bloc blo slack away I 1 can always fish ti b. b If my days as aoS the champ are over at atIE IE least ast I can retire grac gracefully fullY With III my clippings Maybe faybe 1 I should polish those trophies Soon as I Ican Ican Ican can bend my wrist that Is Is And My 1 Lady Fair reminds me that one consolation about this wrist I lit I that at least lust Ive I've quit patting myself on the back with it Which I I 1 have ha e ba Mac |