Show Bees WAXING By Mary Bee WHEN T TERRI E R R I was a very little girl we used to ask her what she wanted to be when she grew up and she would answer without any hesitation A A teenager Wed We'd argue with th her that you couldn't be just a teenager teenager- you had to have some goal in life choose some profession show some ambition ALL THIS didn't matter to her she HAD her ambition ambition- she wanted to be a teenager Well after a long and some some- what impatient wait she finally made it We now know she knew more than we did all along along- there IS such a thing as a professional teenager Its It's a profession that requires special music special dances a great deal of concentration plenty of patience on the part of the parents and lots and lots lotsof lotsof lotsof of money THE FIRST requirement of a professional teenager is an ex extensive extensive extensive ex- ex wardrobe completely wardrobe completely color color- cued color c u e d and coordinated right down to the very last accessory This means lots of shopping for just the right color sweater to match the skirt and I often find myself running from store to store with a tiny swatch of material trying to match it with some socks The length of the skirts is the greatest mystery the big battle was to have them long enough Every morning Id I'd complain about the length or lack of length of her skirts only to hear but MOTHER everyone is wearing them like this Do you want me to look like a ma grand ID I'D EVEN SNEAK into her closet during the daytime and secretly lengthen her skirts Now all I hear is a cry for fora a maxi-dress maxi You can tell the mother of a professional teenager teenage by the theay way ay SHE in dresses-in me hand-me- down blouses stretched-out stretched shoes and nylons with runs in them Then the theres there's re J s this problem about hair One day shell she'll go to school with curls all tied up in ribbons and yarns like I used to fix it when she was 2 years old Very pretty THE NEXT DAY shell she'll start out the door look looking in g like a refugee from a hippy commune Terri You forgot to comb your hair No I You mean THAT is combed I mean it looks like it was combed with ith an egg beater or better yet an electric mixer egg-beaters egg couldn't do that much damage But that's the style A professional teen-ager teen re requires requires requires re- re quires transportation transportation lots lots of transportation Rides to games and rides from games Rides to parties and rides from parties Rides to movies and rides from movies BUT NEVER under any circumstances circumstances circumstances cir cir- are par parents parent e n t s allowed al allowed allowed al- al lowed to attend these things with just her-just transport her herthen herthen herthen then evaporate Parents are to be used but never seen or heard A professional teenager is never seen walking or horror of horrors riding a bike Consequently Consequently Consequently Con Con- if there are errands to be run we must drive her heror heror heror or one of the little kids must run it We haven't reached the age of complete mobility when mobility when she is old enough to drive herself Thank heavens BEING A professional teenager teenager teenager teen teen- ager requires res a great deal more schooling than any other pro pro- Their text-books text are Seventeen Mad and movie magazines Their teachers are older teenagers and never under any circumstances do they take ad advice advice advice ad- ad vice from us old Internship starts in the third grade Boy dont don't I wish I could be a professional teen-ager teen Mary Bee |