Show Bees WAXING by Mary Bee I hung new wall-paper wall in my kitchen this past week and Ive I've decided that when I grow up I will NOT NOI be a professional wall It is very unlikely that anyone will ask me to tobe be a professional wall paper er J but bilt just in case they do Im I'm prepared to say NO NO Very emphatically I liked putting the paste on Ion that was lots of fun You dip the brush into the paste and smear it on with gusto I could pretend I was Picasso or someone someone someone some some- one like that painting a master master- piece Closest Ill I'll ever come cometo cometo cometo to being a painter I like the smell of the paste too not sickening like paint Besides according to the outside outside outside out out- side of the package its vermin vermin- proofed I really need that I have en enough 0 ugh trouble with the bugs and the s spiders p ide r s and the mice in the house without having having having hav hav- ing to worry about a bunch of too But then it has to be stuck to the walls And the apples have to be matched I bet no professional pr ever had as much trouble with the apple matching apple matching as I did You see my paper has all these pretty pictures of clocks and water pitchers and vegetables and kitchen utensils and little white lines like bricks Along one edge are the ap ap- ples So in order to match the bricks and the vegetables and the kitchen utensils I just had to match up the apples apple s. s Very simple If the apples matched everything else would match At least what the direction directions directions tion said Only it didn't always work that way I would get the apples on the top to match and the apples at at the bottom would be way way out Then while I was stooping down downto to match the bott bottom m apples the top of the paper would come rolling g gently en t I Y down onto my head paste side out of course I never could co u 1 d figure out whether it was best to match apples from the bottom up or from the top down because about this time I pasted up a strip where the top apples matched and the bottom apples matched but the apples in the middle wouldn't match My walls arent aren't straight Two years ago while installing installing installing ling some cupboards Moyle Oliver told me me my walls weren't straight I told him he was crazy if the cupboards wouldn't fit it m meant e a n t the c cupboards u p boards weren't nt straight not MY WALLS My walls arent aren't straight The chimney isn't straight either Its It's wider at the top than at the bottom Did you ever try to match apples around a crooked chimney Or in a corner where the walls are arent aren't straight I suppose a professional just gets to work and keeps on cutting cutting cutting cut cut- ting and pasting and matching apples til hes he's finished No interruptions Not me I had to stop stop climb climb down from the ladder move ladder move the table-move table the refrigerator and open the door to let the pup in and out out and in I bet no professional ever had to stop in the middle of a job and dr drive i ve ten miles to bring home a sick kid while his paste dried up Then I had all those little strips of pasty paper I suppose suppose suppose sup sup- pose the professionals always measure exactly and dont don't have to trim off little bitty strips I didn't trust my measurements so always added a couple of inches to make sure sure I didn't cut it too short But its all finished now After Id I'd washed the paste out of my hair and off the pup and off the table cupboards and chairs After Id I'd soaked all those little pasty strips off the floor and off the ladder and off my shoes and andoff andoff andoff off the pups feet After the windows were washed and the new curtains were hung It looks beautiful Id I'd bet no professional was ever as proud of f a finished job as I am In fact I just sit around my kitchen now admiring my pretty new crooked walls with the un unmatched unmatched unmatched un- un matched apples and the little white b lines brick r i c lines k-lines that dont don't quite come together If you stand back it doesn't look half-bad half Maybe I WILL become a Professional Professional Professional Pro Pro- Paper-hanger Paper or oris oris oris is that a different profession altogether |