Show Help Yourself To ToA ToA ToR A R SLICE At LIFE By Catherine S. S Hart AD A.D. Requiem for a Rock n Roller Report from the Ac Ac- ademy Today one of my esteemed colleagues colleagues colleagues col col- leagues who has been doing archeological ar ar- field work on Planet Earth In and around latitude 40 deg 45 mIn longitude deg 30 min Park City Utah uncovered uncovered un un- covered remains which promise to tobe tobe tobe be the most exciting discovery since the Man My colleague who has unearthed many skeletons of the extinct species les homo sapiens came across a specimen which was vas perfectly preserved In a bottle bottle bot bot- tle tie of formaldehyde Attached to the bottle was a 0 long letter in the defunct English language a letter letter letter let let- ter which explained the mystel lous ious disappearance from Earth of that curious like ape-like species The letter read I am one of the last living members of our species Plague much more vicious than the Women's Women's Wo Woo mens men's Emancipation Plague of the has 20 has wrought havoc over the land The plague which began with the twist developed into the frug th the the jerk and the surf then turned 1 in n t to o go Thus the hideous destructive cycle cy cy- I cle from cle-from from ga-ga ga to togogo go-go go to gone gone- gone gone It all started out innocently t enough nough as a gag gag gag-gag gag when each week weekend week end everyone flocked to the bars to watch the tourists Wiggle and to the beat of gyrate go-go go music It entertained us us the sight tf so many spasmodically twitching twitching twitch twitch- ing eels The greatest great great- est frolic since the St. St Vitus dance But But after so so much continuous watching the rest of us soon succumbed succumbed suc suc- I to the temptation to try it out ourselves And from then thenon on it was a go-go go go go Everyone was hooked No one worked no noone noone noone one ate our economy crumbled as fats as the pe people All we wanted want ed to do was twitch on the dance floor with everyone else and look like jelly fish undergoing shock therapy Our mentalities suf suffered red too I Our once rich rich pol polysyllable polysyllabic syllabic vocabularies vocabularies laries were finally replaced with words more suiting our And at last count communication tion revolved around ye ooh ah ugh ugh go Our hair grew so long we no longer needed I brooms Counter-clockwise Counter rotation rotation rota rota- tion of hips replaced legs as the primary means of locomotion Wedding ceremonies were held on the dance floor bride and groom blurting out I do do do-do do With eyes all a gog-gog gog we looked like epileptic zombies as I fast as one persons person's heart stopped a beating beat a another not her I person stepped In and took his place The children and babies I were the last t to to go go go go Being InI infinitely infinitely in In- I I finitely more sensible than han their I parents they well resisted resisted tempt I I atlon until one of their mere Intrepid in In- I trepid souls dIscovered the A go 1 I go go crawl was WM perfect for mumblIng mumbling mumbling ing a go-go go gaa-gaa gaa to And now dear future scientists scientists selen I am going to plop myself i In a bottle of formaldehyde before before before be be- fore that thumping thumpIng humping humping beat beat- beat gets me too This way you youcan youcan youcan can have a specimen of the soon- soon to be to human race Quickly before Im I'm a gone gone gone This is a true-true true story so help me God God- God God I My friends of the academy the letter ends there I now have the specimen here and I assure assur assure you that our scientists will immediately immediate ly begin work to ascertain what it was about this peculiarly weak species that made it so susceptible ibis ible to a musical plague I But wait walt for I just heard a funny funny fun fun- ny sort of of noise noise a boom boom-boom i bam-bam bam from the bottle Now its it's a beat beat The body's Its It's moving up and down and all around Im I'm going to go go-go-go see what's the matter matter all all that chat chat- ter It sure sure aint no tin sting of the bells bells bells |