Show I By BERT BOYACK You are educated If you can do what you ought whether you want to or not noU Herbert Spencer If If The column this week Is for the dedicated teachers as well as the educator In other fields If You Knew It All The While It seems that the proper staffing stalling of Utah schools Is complicated by the fact that the birthrate Is 25 per cent above the national average and the per capita Income Is 15 per cent below the national average Teacher Use the word ransom transom In a sentence Fred I saw a skunk and ran some distance away Teacher Try again This time use the word gruesome Fred Since last year I grew some Quip by a pip If If If modern literature Is any Indication you can Judge most books by their lovers lovers' I Never ever teach your child to be cunning for you may be certain you will be one of the very first victims of his shrewdness Josh Billings Student What Is the name of those tablets that the ancient used to write on Helpful friend Gaul Stones A seven year old was trying for a prize story contest in his grade he mulled things over for a long time suddenly seized his pencil and wrote Martha was to be married the next day and she was upstairs busy preparing her Torso An cA A A Student A displaced person aged 11 was attending an American school for the first time Asked by the teacher In a geography geography geography phy class what USSR SR stands for the youngster said without hesitation The Union of ot Silently Swallowed Republics EDUCATIONAL WITTY TIDBITS The minded absent-minded principal kissed the bathtub goodby and washed the ring off ot his wife's ites hand A student was told to use mahogany In a sentence he wrote Some scoundrel broke Into the history teachers teacher's pig pen and now the teacher cries Now I 1 haven't got ma hog any more It is so hard to get something something something some some- thing through a students student's head because there Is nothing to stop it it Clipped CUpped from the report of a girls' girls baseball game Everything was going on fine for the local girls until the thelast thelast thelast last half halt of the fifth when all the bags got loaded The quitter never wins the winner never quits Teacher after an arduous day of grading final exams checking attendance records and handing out report cards Teaching Teach leach leaching Teaching ing school is Just like Uke having a baby They both take nine months and the last day Is the worst What every husband husband husband hus hus- band knows Is that the Inner man isn't nearly as hard to provide for as the outer woman In this life lUe you have to stan standup up to be seen speak up to be heard and shut up to be lIked Its foolish to worry over our confused teenagers It wont won't be long before they become adults and are as confused confused confused con con- fused as we are The only trouble with a simple truth Is that It Is Incredibly hard to put Into practice for whatever Is easy to enunciate like the Golden Rule Is difficult to effectuate A high school paper used the following quote Recent research from a famous Institute reports that parenthood Is hereditary If U your parents didn't have children the chances are you wont won't either Poet Ogden Nash cherishes this note received from an enterprising high school student Dear ear Mr Nash I have gotten an assignment to do an essay on you and your works Please send me your works An employer was wass wasi s i instructing a new secretary In the duties of her position I Said he hen There are two words I never want you to use In my presence presence One of ot them Is lousy and the other Ism Is la m- m ir swell OK boss said the girl What are the words II I I The grammar teacher expected this question would test the students' students power of discrimination Is the word trousers a singular or a plural noun Well its it's both said one boy Its It's singular If it you mean the top and plural I if you mean the bottom Teacher Words In ous bus full i Z ending mean joyous full Joyous i r means full of ot Joy and vigorous means full Kull of vigor r Now will someone give another example of such a word rt ft f I A boy raised his hand PIous he said I i. i A grader fourth-grader brought his dictionary to his teacher and asked her to find Ive I've never heard of ot that word she said tip Oh cOh you know what I mean he assured her earnestly f. A People are always talking about child J 1 CI I know a girl who goes to bed every night at eight doesn't smoke swear or drink and she never of n t other boys Gee that's wonderful You said it Shell be six years old tomorrow The moon shone down on old Ukase Normal The boy was shy and the girl murmured Dear you remind me o of Don Juan the great lover Why he asked hopefully For one thing she snapped hes he's been dead for years Immigrant Custodian For adult Joo ed I bain write a paper on the State of ot Texas Texas' I IEnglish English Teacher Looks Locks more like you were In a state of confusion I must say your paper Is certainly full of ot wide-open wide spaces I Couldn't you find Ind a book about Texas Texas- Custodian Yal Ya I found one It was called INCOME F TEXAS I i ir rid r- r id CHALLENGE How shall we teach How shall we say sayA sayA A child to reach To him The way Beyond himself and touch Of life lIe Is through the gate The stars Of Ot love We who have stooped so We who have learned to I much hate How shall we tell How shall we dare Ie A child to dwell To teach him prayer With honor love and die And turn hi him m toward the For truth Way of faith r- r We who have lived a lie We who no longer pray LAST WORD FOR THIS WEEK What ever Isn't growing wears out Elliot Elliot Paul PanI I |