Show Help Yourself To ToR A R SLICE fit AT LIFE By Catherine S. S Hart The pedagogues and and the the pedants ped ped- ants the academic crackpots and the educated quacks have just bro brought us another hobgoblin of their little the minds the minds the New Math This new approach which has been extensively written about In magazines and has already been Initiated In schools through throughout out the country Is I have discovered discovered dis dis- covered an Insane conspiracy to convince all aU adolescents pro that two plus two does not equal four at least not until you can prove It Which takes six years of postdoctoral postdoctoral post post- doctoral training In mathematical ical theory Incidentally Furthermore the thc New Math alms to show children that arithmetic arithmetic arith arith- Is as easy as pi That's of j arith course before you find out that p pi equals ad tum turn f 0 The New Math bases Its approach approach ap ap- pr ach primarily on number theory Now when I learned about numbers numbers were used to de designate Ignate beads you counted or apples you ate or pieces of chalk you threw at the teacher Later on they were were- something which when you added something else elee to them yielded something else entirely sort entirely sort of like l cal al reproduction tion I guess Twisted 1 System But now Jo to my shocked dismay dismay dis dis- may according to a of ele elementary school children I ly quizzed quizzed- a a. number is a subset subset subset sub set of a set of positive integers to which the laws of distribution c commutation and association may maybe maybe maybe be applied Even worse worse- Is that Instead of sticking with the go good d old decimal decimal deci deci- mal system or base 10 number system the youngsters are now taught to perform calculations using 12 or some seme other number as a base This duodecimal system system tem tern not to be confused confuse With the Dewey Decimal system system our our pub He lie libraries have not b been en subverted sub yet is designed to prevent children from counting on their fingers I strenuously object to this first of all because I managed to get through college algebra solid geometry and trigonometry by using my ten fingers to count My only trouble came came with calculus the problems got a little mUe littlemore littlemore more complicated and I needed toes to to count with also alro and the professor professor- got a a. little peeved at my coming to class barefoot every y day But just to show you how disastrously disastrously dis dis- complicated the tho New Math is lets let's take a sample pro pro- blem Pretend for fora a fearful minute min min- ute that you want to multiply times 18 18 a simple problem room red schoolhouse schoolhouse schoolhouse scho- scho that any graduate could do Figure Figure- Figure This Out Now If youre you're a a. New Math product product pro pro- duct the first thing you do is convert and and 18 18 to some other I number system system 7 7 for example example- which Is done by dividing 7 Into and 18 taking the remainders ers after each operation of divi division sion slon inverting the remainders and then finally coming out with the numbers and 24 Then you set these digits as in ordinary I multiplication Only this time around you need needa a set of special tables put out iby by the he Crest Council on Mental T Therapeutics because 5 times 4 In the new number number- system is not 20 but 26 After Alter finishing the multiplication operation you then change your final product back to base number number num num- ber 10 10 This Is done by dividing 1 Inverting n v e r tin g and square rooting until you finally come up with times 18 equals 2 2612 12 which Is Is naturally Wrong But the New Math is all tied up with psychology too too and is designed designed de de- signed to show children that they I I cant can't always expect to be right I thus superiority comp complexes exes are preVented New t strip And then the New M Math th teaches all about about topology topology such such things as strips strips- which are formed formed form form- ed d by taking a strip of paper and Instead of the ends together t to make a It circle twistIng twistIng twist twist- Ing the ends ends- before to end up with one continuous surface sur sur- face lace So if your child talks about having to do a strip stripteaSE striptease striptease tease li 11 school dont don't think her he talking about the Dance of the Seven Veils hes he's only talking bout about a a. topological puzzle I suppose the New Math cant can be bl all an bid It mIght inight for lor example have marvelous applications In Inthe inthe inthe the advertising Industry A commercial commercial com com- mercial might justifiably claim works Sixty Times as fast as Aspirin In base number system that is is And soon as as' a result of New Math no longer long long- ef er- erwill will a high school be forced to murmur I was a dropout He can now proUdly b boast st r I was a a. New Math dro dropout t |