Show r PROMOTION IN BASEBALL Baseball is declared to need a promotion man by Larry MacPhail Mac- Mac MacPhail MacPhail Phail and others We second the motion Many things that would raise baseball to the household es es- esteem esteem esteem teem enjoyed say by movies ra ra- radio radio radio dio etc are neglected For instance is baseball far be be- behind behind hind the time in putting emphasis on keeping it clean Isn't baseball los los- losing losing losing ing its appeal by insisting insi ing that the athletes conduct themselves with good taste Isn't scandal essential today to popular appeal A movie mo star gets into a series of disgraceful episodes and arid Is featured anew In heroic war roles Another screen hero sounds oft off publicly in a night club on his private love life and his fan mail doubles A young lady becomes an overnight rage through a particular catlike person person- personality i Isn't it possible that the mob would tear tear down the baseball park gates to get a look at a southpaw who had just survived three indictments for cradle snatching Wouldn't the at at- attendance attendance attendance be trebled by the appear appear- appearance appearance appearance ance of a shortstop who had divorced two wives and was romping around the gay spots with a new sweety Maybe the falling fa i off in baseball JI attendance last year was due to the fact no club carried enough gag men mento mento mento to flood the press with wisecracks which the ball players thought up in inthe inthe inthe the swankiest bars in town We pause for a reply And were we're afraid we will get it Another job a promotion man might tackle would be to put more more emphasis on food at al the ball games Eating has become the Number One sporting project and athletic feat anyhow Why not glamorize the hot hotdog hotdog hotdog dog Thousands would flock to the ball ballpark ballpark ballpark park upon reading a newly contrived advertisement FRANKFURTERS AND NINE INNINGS OF BASEBALL AT POLO GROUNDS TODAY 2 P. P M. M And can you imagine how this would raise attendance A SAND SAND- SANDWICH SAND SAND-I SANDWICH A BAG OF PEANUTS AND ANDA I IA A DOUBLE HEADER FOR 75 CENTS Promotion That's the ideal idea On with it boys I And how about name orchestras and dancing under the stands when a game goes flat THE KIDS' KIDS DEFENSE After meditating on recent lapses on the part of the young folks Low moral standards were we're above Our honesty's true blue bloe It comes conies from observation of The things our elders do The fine example that they set We see it everywhere every By grabbing every chance to set get It easy here and there Our ethics they are kept aloft By Dy merely looking at atOur atOur atOur Our elders seeking something something- soft And waxing rather fat We see the grownups merely wink At virtue driven low And when we feel our morals sink This helps us dont don't you know The lawyers who boast ethics tall taU Yet for a fancy fee Will work for any crook atall at I aU all And strive to set him free Those politicians shrewd and deft deft deft- The crew crew- Those fixers to the right and left left left- They help the kids they do Those movies full foil of grease ball guys guys guys- The slickers glorified The happy ending as it tries To justify a snide The spotlight for the cheap foul balls The and heel Oh how they help the Ute kiddies all aU aUTo To keep an even keel A big New York department store is now specializing in diamond sales We remember away aw y back when no shoppers ever dreamed of getting up early to get bargains in precious stones And nd believe it or not money is isso isso isso so free today that we saw a group of housewives knocking one another down to get a carat 20 stone marked down to from h b A Our last scruples must now be cast aside and we must be cruel and inconsiderable We must mur mur- murder murder murder der and poison German German radio spokesman The sight of the Nazis casting a scruple at this stage of the game must be one of the great spectacles of all time We dont don't see how they can do it in view of the Nazi scruple shortage There hasn't been a good scruple around Germany in years unless somebody has been hoarding |