Show l won sarh PSYCHOLOGY TEST FOR SOLDIERS Tests in psychology for all men In the army are proposed by officers at Fort Due Dix where such tests are arenow arenow now being applied to determine the fitness of soldiers in special situa situa- And just when it seemed that enlisting in in the army might be the only way to escape those things One of the questions is You are arc nr driving riving an auto at night While driving you meet another auto which will not dim its lights regardless of your signals What would you do The question becomes particularly important if the gent in the other car happens to be a general Another reads You are walking along a muddy road carrying a stone in one hand when an auto passes and splashes mud over you Would you throw the stone Answer yes or no Theres There's only one answer for a soldier to that one No But dont don't depend on it a a Professor Elmer Twitchell this departments department's eminent psychologist has prepared the following tests for volunteers and draft prospects 1 You I.-You You are driving a limousine to the front There are four young ladies with you On the way you encounter two majors going to the front on foot They both give you the thumb in the orthodox hitch- hitch hitchhiker hitchhiker hiker manner You explain that as you have four girls with you there is s no sense taking them aboard board a un unless un- un unless less they can dig up another major Go on with the story from there 2 You You have answered the draft summons and presented yourself for physical C i nation You are areti ti found to be a per per- perfect feet specimen but the examiner is called to the phone and in stumbling over a chair drops his papers and gets them mixed up He returns to you and says Lets see youre you're the one with defective eyesight and deafness in both ears arent aren't you Which of the three answers would you make a Right a-Right Right you are b No b-No No sir c Yes c-Yes Yes and my arches are all aU aUgone gone too 3 You 3 You are assigned to guard duty at night on a desolate post Vigilance bores you so you sit down and use a portable radio While you are listening to the Pot of Gold pro pro- program program program gram a superior officer comes along Which would you think the thebes best bes remark to make under the cir circumstances cir cir- circumstances a How a-How How do you suppose this ra radio ra- ra radio dio ever got here b Sorry b-Sorry Sorry captain I forgot where I was c Lets Let's Lets Let's both go home so we can win this dough in case our phones ring ELECTION RESULTS An seeker office office seeker if defeated Finds his stock of friends depleted d. d An seeker office-seeker if elected Has friends hed he'd not before sus Richard Armour It seems good to see America off ofT the scold standard after elec elec- election election tion thinks E. E B. B Jay A dictator is something that goes in one era and out the next Our idea of the complete football fan is the fellow who witnesses th the game listens to his portable radio description of it and then buys a paper to see what happened BORDER ORDER INCIDENT The statesmen of fill in the blank Took just a little nap And when they woke they couldn't find Their country on the map Richard Armour CAN YOU REMEMBER Away back when babies babi s were ex ex- exempt exempt empt as legitimate war targets When speed laws were as low as 40 miles an hour When wars could be b stopped by ultimatums DRAFT REACTIONS Drawings are a thing I hate hate hate- I drew number Five Eight I Lotteries they make me blue blue- Now Im I'm known as Two One Never N ever say my luck is i fine fIne fIne- Two Thousand Im I'm Eight Number in the First district New York was a Chinese H U Stun by any chance he ewas e gets Secretary Stun sons son's laundr |