Show The Ise ff GaUe U Were We're People I I t I i I t to l J o r ra rIn a 7 il I 7 71 1 rr f In ID the life lite of the young married woman there comes a time when she finally masters the art of arranging a dustless mop a carpet sweeper and a couple of golf goll clubs at the bend in iD the basement stairs in such sucha a way that they constitute a bear trap By HARRY DARRY V. V WADE YOU possibly have met the theA A type of woman who when her husband arises from a hearty breakfast remarks And now dear what would you like for lunch Probably you have wondered why How do humans get that way is a question which has long baffled our learned men They do not know Abashed by their ignorance some of the larger universities are open open- opening opening opening ing institutes for the study of human behavior They will try to find out why a man on seating himself in a dining car will invariably pick up the fare bill in his left hand grasp his right ear in the other and after fondling it a while run a thumb and forefinger up and down the bridge of his nose You may say that here is a reflex dating from cave days when one fought for his food and sat down to toa toa toa a meal with no assurance that all his features were still in place but that is only a guess It does not explain why the same traveler on trundling into a Pullman washroom for the morning toilet will attempt first of all to stare himself out of countenance in the glass There is the long minute of uncertainty when he is still unconvinced that the th rum rum- rumpled rumpled rumpled pled starched dry-starched face in the mir mir- mirror mirror mirror is his own that own that no one has tried to palm off another on him in the night His is a curious case but very common No one can explain why a woman i climbs aboard a bus with a department depart depart- department department ment store layer cake in one hand and her fare at the bottom of a nest of five purses in the other Almost always this type will be found to tobe tobe tobe be a Looker-Around Looker as well A Look- Look er Around is one who spots in a astore astore astore store window precisely the garment she is pursuing and at the price she wants to pay The Handkerchief Dilemma I Will she dash in at once and close the deal Dont Don't be silly She must spend the next three hours in other stores pawing garments which are nothing like what she has in mind and at the wrong price So she comes back to store A but mean mean- meanwhile meanwhile meanwhile while the garment of her dreams has been sold Therefore she weeps because she is misunderstood which is possibly true You may be bc a sufferer from Hand Hand- Handkerchief Handkerchief Handkerchief kerchief Amnesia In this condi condi- condition condition condition tion which is prevalent in men after forty the victim gets to the curb or orthe orthe orthe the hall elevator and finds fords he lacks a handkerchief So he gallops back to the house or the apartment but by this time has forgotten what it I Iwas was he forgot Thus he goes on his I way frustrated and without the thet t I handkerchief There is no cure for this and no explanation e In the life of the young married woman there comes a time when she finally masters the art of ar ar- arranging arI ar- ar arranging ranging a dustless mop a carpet I I sweeper and a couple of golf gol clubs at the bend in the basement stairs in such a way that they constitute a abear abear abear bear trap Eleven per cent of all household catastrophes have been traced to this sinister device and there is a case casc in old English law holding that a husband who has put up with wilh it for so long may cite that fact in extenuation of murder Still the practice prevails It appears ap ap- appears appears pears to be an instinct in woman Perhaps you are a type who when leaving a n store through a door on which the word PUSH appears reversed on the glass attempts to push his way out You are not alone Exhaustive researches have shown that 91 in persons reason the situation out to the same con con- About picture I Ishall Ishall Ishall shall have little to say but I should like to put in a word about the Drape Fiddler This is a strictly female specimen who whenever a husband lays a hand on a drape or monkeys with a shade must re re- rearrange rearrange re- re rearrange arrange it finally restoring it to the exact place and condition in which it was left by her bewildered mate The proceeding is usually ac ac- accompanied accompanied ac- ac accompanied companied by the crack sotto voce What will the neighbors think The Cough Nuisance The nose and throat fraternity in medicine has never given us a sat sat- satisfactory satisfactory satisfactory explanation of the theater and symphony cougher This is a type known to all and I only cite it for its familiarity Some years ago one of the great orchestras regu regu- regularly regularly regularly on the air practically clinched the illusion of being right in your living room by including a cougher in its broadcasts But one Sunday he wasn't there and it was found on inquiry that he got well and couldn't come No reasonable solution has ever been offered for the ancient custom among barbers of loading goading a whisk- whisk whiskbroom whiskbroom whiskbroom broom with talcum and slapping the client smartly across the neck with same Not only is the practice pe pe- peculiarly peculiarly pe- pe peculiarly futile of itself but it may in time set up a mild silicosis the dread malady so prevalent among those who work in stone dust Nor has it ever been discovered why the porter in the same shop his hands anointed with shoe polish will pick up a light fedora in good condition and knead an ounce or two of grime into it with a brush In In- Indeed Indeed Indeed deed our tonsorial parlors are per per- perfect perfect perfect hotbeds of material for the ex ex- explorer explorer ex- ex explorer of the human mind and its vagaries They might look too into the mental menta processes of the backseat passenger commonly the wife who remarks when one is yards be be- beyond beyond beyond yond a roadside inn and traveling at ata a good 52 m. m p. p p h. h That seemed like an attractive place to eat Radio Is Too New Or the object passed may have been a fruit and vegetable stand in which case the standard after after- afterthought afterthought afterthought thought is those black rasp rasp- raspberries rasp rasp- raspberries raspberries berries look good About the strange creatures who gesture before microphones we need not concern ourselves at this time The species is comparatively new and must wait its turn The older aberrations have the call House detectives cs who wear toothpicks are another limited or specialist class to be looked into later And building superintendents who fasten paper- paper towel containers to a wall six feet off the floor thus allowing fresh fresh- freshets freshets ets of water to cascade into ones one's armpits Very common and very mystifying mystify mystify- ing is a practice common to all classes of putting in an afternoon remembering a forgotten name of no conceivable consequence like consequence like that of the right fielder in the line line- lineup lineup lineup up with which Lajoie played at Cleveland or the law brother brother in law of Great-Aunt Great Effie the Effie-the the one with the cast Do you munch at the corners of catalogs while attending art shows Then you are a case for the brave searchers in quest of reasons for tor forthe forthe the strange behavior of mankind Or perhaps you swap addresses at Quarantine with fellow voyagers you hope and trust never to see again Have you ever sat for hours undoing a paper pencil e C Bell Bd Syndicate Service |