Show at t t S a o I d I vr Jt thinks the In k S I i about j i Species of Candidates I SANTA MONICA CALIF It It I takes all kinds of candidates to Lo make up this world Maybe that's why the world seems so overcrowded l Theres There's the candidate who ho belongs s r to all the secret orders if he left leftoff oil ofT his emblems hed he'd catch ca cold knows s every grand e hailing sign there is hasn't missed a lodge brothers brother's fu fu- funeral funeral funeral in years can hardly wait for the 44 ar next one to die No campaign complete without him Candidate special special- specializing specialIzing specializing izing in the hearty handshake the neck- neck Irvin S. S Cobb embrace the slap der-slap the hug bear-hug the gift gUt of remembering every voter by his first name and the affectionate inquiry regarding the wife and kiddies When he kisses a baby it it sounds like somebody taking off a pair of wet overshoes Usually has a wife needing a new hat candidate who's constantly leading an imaginary parade of faithful followers Loves to poke his chest away out and then follows it majestically down the street A common or standardized species e e e Biblical Wisdom TN IN THE Book of Nahum Chapter II II I came upon this verse The liThe chariots shall rage in the thc streets they shall jostle one against another in the broad ways they shall seem like torches they shall run like the Those Old Testament prophets certainly peered a long way into the future Because I traveled by night through a main thoroughfare leading lending from Los Angeles to the sea and vice versa and I knew what Nahum was describing But not even an inspired seer of the Bible could imagine a record of traffic mortality so ghastly as the theone theone theone one weve we've already compiled in this year of grace 1937 A A. D. D D automo automo- automobile automobile automobile bile destruction destruction or or a people so speed S How to Fight Japs Taps WHENEVER TX we have a Jap- Jap Japanese Japanese V V anese war scare I think of Uncle Lum Whittemore back in west Kentucky who loved to dis dis- dispense dispense pense wisdom as he hitched one practiced instep on a brass rail and with his free hand fought the resi resi- resident resident dent flies flies' for the tidbit of free lunch which he held in his grip One day a fellow asked Uncle Lum who had served gallantly in inthe inthe inthe the Southern Confederacy Con until a avery avery I very hard rainstorm came up what I hed he'd do if the yellow peril boys in invaded invaded America Id hunt me a n hollow tree in the the deep woods he said Yes son the owls would have to fetch me my mail I been up on them Japs They're fatalists a fatalist demanded someone Near ez I kin make out stated the veteran a fatalist is a party that thinks youre you're doin him a deep favor when you kill him S e e Hollywood Fashions SOME S Q OME envious style expert says Hollywood fashions are too gar gar- garish garish ish If hes he's talking about Hollywood males I say they're just garish enough If they were any more garish than they are visitors would have to wear blinders and if it they were any less garish Italian sunsets would stand a chance in the com com- petition And I want the champion champion- championship championship ship to stay in America Billy Gaxton Gadon picks out something suitable for a vest to be worn to a afancy afancy afancy fancy dress party and then thel has a whole suit made out of it it Bob Montgomery's ties are the kind that I buy in moments of weakness and then keep in a bureau drawer be be- because because because cause Im I'm not so brave as Bob is and also I keep the drawer closed because I cant can't stand those sudden dazzling glares And Bing Crosby is either color-blind color or thinks every every- everybody everybody everybody body else is But his crooning is mighty soothing And so it goes- goes red red pink green purple orange sky blue and here and there a dash dashef of ef lavender Our local boys gladden me land land- landscape landscape landscape with the sort of clothes Id I'd wife wont won't let wear too too only only my me Stop Stop look listen That's our sartorial motto and these jealous designers back east can kindly go jump J V in a dye IRVIN VIN S. S COBB CU B. B e |