Show what z D thinks about The Social Register SANTA C ANTA MONICA CALIF tJ Those who warm their aris aris- aristocratic aristocratic hands at the social reg reg- register register register ister take comfort from the latest issue of that priceless volume It seems that if a well well- wellborn wellborn born lady weds a night club playboy with a head suitable for a handle on a dollar um um- umbrella umbrella umbrella brella she stays put But if she is married to a gen gen- genuine genuine genuine gentleman such as Gene Tun- Tun Tunney Tunney Tunney ney is or a gifted orchestra leader 1 e a de d e r such as Eddie Duch- Duch Duchin in out she goes The charming c h arm i n g granddaughter of a poor Irish immigrant immigrant t grant qualifies as an entry which is as asit asit asit it should be in any language But when she takes for a hus hus- husband husband husband Y band the son of a poor Jewish irvin S. S Cobb grant whose blem blem- blemish blemish blemish ish is that hes he's a professional song songwriter writer writer and and one of the greatest song songwriters songwriters songwriters writers alive her name is scratched off oft the sacred scroll Yet what's an old family but a family that advertises that its it's old And what is society except a lot of people who keep proclaiming that they are society until the rest of ofus ofus ofus us believe them S e e Protecting Unman Human Game I pOR F OR the preservation of the less- less lessening lessening lessening ening wild fowl the govern govern- government government government ment stands pat by its ruling that ducks may no longer be lured to hunting grounds which have been baited for them and then bagged But one shudders what would hap hap- happen happen happen pen to Wall street if practically the same system now in vogue for gar gar- garnering garnering nering in the human game was ever abolished on the stock exchange Still why not leave well enough alone If there was no margin gambling available for cleaning the poor things they'd bet their money on horse racing or the old Span Span- Spanish Spanish ish prisoner game or something e e Liberty League Marriages T pHE HE rotogravure sections reveal revea that they've just opened a fresh crate of du Ponts Fonts too late to qualify qualify qualify for membership in the Liberty League because the t h e Liberty League alas is dead of but in ample time to fill up the background at the approach approach- approaching ing marriage of the Presidents President's fine fineson fineson fineson son Franklin Delano Jr and a charming daughter of the roya royal family of Delaware That's one wedding where the ushers will do well to see that the families are seated in separate pews during the ceremony because somebody might tactlessly be re reminded reminded minded of little things that came up during the heat of the late cam carn Otherwise in the customary regalia re re- regalia regalia galia of shad-bellied shad coats anc and striped trousers it will be difficult to distinguish a champion of the rights of the great common people from an entrenched wretch of the ruggedly individualistic group High hats and neat spats make all men equal equal and and make some of them homelier S e e Playing the Ponies T R ACING AGING starts soon out in Hollywood Holly Holly- Hollywood wood and the stars and star star- ines may have to make their pic pie pictures tures between events at Santa Ani Ani- Anita Anita Anita ta because they'll have absolutely no time for fiddling around studios To risk my modest wagers on Im I'm looking for a horse named Vir Vir- Virginia Virginia Virginia ginia Creeper or else Trailing Then when I lose as I always do I cant can't say my choice wasn't wasn appropriately named If I had a bet on Paul Reveres Revere's nag Paul never would have made that famous ride of his Somewhere between Concord and Lexington a constable would have pinched him for blocking the highway I often wonder where the sore foot-sore plugs I get tips on really hail from It cant can't be a racing stable Maybe yes Im I'm sure that's right right right- they're exhausted refugees from a wee bide e e Future Inventions p C CELEBRATING the hundredth anniversary of the American patent system the assembled re re- research research research search sharps declare that among the boons to mankind promised us in the near future by our native inventive geniuses are the follow follow- following f ing lag Clothes made out of glass with curtains I hope for those of us who are more than six years old Whisky aged instantly by power power- powerful powerful powerful ful sound waves But who has thought of suitable relief for those who also will be aged instantly by drinking said whisky Rats grown as big as cows by powerful sound waves I can hard hard- hardly hardly hardly ly wait Walt for the happy day when we may afford a family rat the size of a Jersey cow Ill VIN S. S COBB Service |