Show f Z ll II Y By IRIS m L f last week my doctor told me I would have to spend r several days In the hospital The news didn't bother f. f her at all but then Ive I've noticed that doctors always have wider smiles at such news than their patients do rm if A SINCE I HAD BEEN IN the hospital three times f before I assumed I was rather familiar with the routine but it was not a assumption The other three trips had been made with the storks stork's wings lapping flapping audibly and I hadn't realized how much red tape those flapping wings eliminated Getting into a hospital for something less than an emergency I discovered Is a lengthy process Only tia t after I had answered a long list of personal quest questions ques- ques signed my name to several forms and admitted ad- ad I had no possessions on me worth putting in a t sate safe was my wrist numbered and togged tagged Thus identified I was allowed to be a patient I tt 3 TRAILING WEARn Y BEHIND a pink lady I was led to a room and told to get undressed I thought I r y had reached a here I would be required to do no more than stare into space until I was wheeled Into surgery the next day I was wrong Before I had the skimpy nightgown tied In the back the first interviewer showed up with clipboard and questionnaire This I Bred ered was the anesthetist In short order an intern H and a resident came in both of of hom asked identical x questions I suggested they compare notes and save me the bother but they weren't speaking ti They were followed by a woman who wore ore a pince- pince nez and and a sour e expression and one who ho made off with my watch AFTER THE TE LIGHTS HAD been turned off a final nurse showed shoed up to remove my water pitcher rte and put a sign above my bed which read Surgery in AM AM A.M. This ruined what was left ot of m my night When a young man wheeled a stretcher into the fk room next morning he had so much trouble trying 2 to maneuver past tables and and chairs muttering to himself that I took pity on him and helped him get it to the door before I climbed on He was grateful and said so although he was Inclined to think it was against hospital regulations for patients to push their own stretchers around but we ve mutually agreed what the heck THE TRIP THROUGH HOSPITAL corridors when one is flat on ones one's back and nothing can be seen ot of passers passers-by but the bottoms ot of their chins and their jacket pockets Is rather frightening Even more frightening is the he operating room where a everybody everybody ev- ev appears to be under water ater v. v since the entire room and the clothes of the occupants therein are green Also by that time my dont give a darn shot had begun to impart to everything a distinctly wavery look When my y stretcher was halted under the great bright lights Id I'd changed my mind about the whole procedure but nobody paid any attention t I was still feebly protesting when somebody turned ore off the world Home repaired and friendly again I a am m grateful to hospitals and doctors and even willing to concede that all the routine is necessary But Im I'm still worried about that lad with the pince Ive I've de decided she was talon taking notes tor a book and I really a I think the hospital should know about her r t mm mii f |