Show r Something i g for f t Everybody i BOYACK BERT BY BYI J. J vid Niven before start start- I ya as an actor was wasI I 5 tourist Robert business tb his first customer customer- was chIef venice B Benchley aren arthe ar- ar to AdrIatic of Italy and the d en wired Niven e full rull of water Please ee ts iSe in Hawaii leave on for shipmate about his liberty ashore date willi a hula I 1 h had ad this her er r he said and we wet t decide whether to go or dancing ou finally do VIe We dreW straws t Ie t ship was in mid Ite e e captain told the mate mat e ro row the dead man in 26 over over- later the Some time st mate ate reported back to the bin The man in is taken takene e of ct you boil shouted the r. r ex I said 26 Well the man i id In n 46 dead the he d he be wasn't sir said the llie e but then you know these such big its 11 The other day two youngsters re ie overheard discussing the n bOmb I 1 guess the reason they call the he Adam bomb one of them Id d Is because of world war out well we'll have to start L from Adam f The The Minnesota Journal of Ed- Ed lion reported this conversa- conversa a grade first girl girlDer her Der lather father Daddy 50 cents to take school today i IV That hat for y teach teacher r is resigning and te raising money to give her We mo f. f I ps r thIs a young salad inbred ind in- in bred d the very fussy diner courteously reYes reI re- re I Yes Maam Ma'am so young to wash and dress it I l' l customer sat down down- at a at ati ti tt t resta restaurant rant arid and ed a L m napkin kin around his neck The m manager n et called the llie walt wait and s sd said d dry to make that tUn aan understand as tactfully as asI I possible ble that that's not done I here The approached the llie customer and said Shave or a haircut sir i There are ten things for which no one has ever yet beer beer lorry rry They are for doing good all di for lor speaking evil of none for jor hearing bearing before judging for before speaking for Q di g an angry tongue for 1 t being ng kind to the distressed for I asking pardon for all wro wrongs patient toward everybody every every- body Yi for stopping the llie ears to a tal tile e bearer for disbelieving v i n g of the ill i reports rS I PM PLAN NONSENSE Young e of today are getting marb marthe mar mar- r so earl the parents ot of the b dont don't know whether I whether to let hi S wife go on I or just sent the llie bo boy to b hi Sign 51 in a local store are born here They're 1 elsewhere When hen I asked it if the old home town has hasan hasan an image many a mayor replies replies re- re plies Heck we cant can't even afford atford at- at ford sewers Then there was the fellow who became became be- be came a chiropodist because he was always at the his his' class Its only natural that most ot of us take a shine to anyone anyone any any- one with willi a sunny disposition I Nature is more or less just justin in its dispensation of bounties beautiful women are rarely endowed endowed en- en dowed with a sense of humor and thus make botches of their lives by their inability men lightly and effectively i The old home town would like some urban renewal money and has appointed a committee to organize a slum Trade note says that the automotive automotive auto auto- motive Industry gives employment employment employ employ- ment to several million people in the United states That is exclusive ex- ex of traffic cops and morticians morticians mor- mor of course MIDDLE AGE OR AFTER THE DA BAWL WL IS OVER He comes over turns out the light and then turns on the llie television He runs out of gasoline and then grabs a gas can and starts walking towards the llie nearest filling station He says that people spoil love by getting married He gets his glasses changed He starts gaining weIght again He complains about getting winded walking up to the second balcony when you go goto goto to the movies He doesn't care whether or not you get seats together going through the Tunnel ot of Love He doesn't mind using both sides of the llie He starts writing his love letters on the typewriter I IMy My wife has a little ritual before she goes to sleep She puts on vanishIng cream face cream wrInkle cream cold cream hand cream and skin cream Does it make her look any better No but all night long she keeps sUpping slipping out of bed Id like a nice the llie elderly lady suggested to the clerk in Vell U heres here's one about a Cardinal the clerk replied Oh no she explained Im I'm not interested in religious books But this cardinal is a bird Maybe so she responded but Abut Im I'm not interested interested in- in to In his private life either LAST WORD FOR THIS WEEK The wise man will make more opportunities than he finds Bacon |