Show 1 II Something for II r I I IBy By BERT BOYACK When Fred MacMurray had finished making The Texas Rangers in which he was a western badman he and a friend returned to the location on a hunting trip The two separated and soon MacMurray found himself at atthe atthe the business end of a gun being hauled off of to the village jail At first he thought it a practical Joke but after he had spent a few hours in a cell he was ripping mad Finally the truth came to light Some practical joker had given the local sheriff a poster found tacked to a tree It pictured pictured pic- pic MacMurray role and proclaimed Wanted for one murder thousand thousand thou thou- j sand dollars reward I A t world famous was b being i g shown W through one of ithe- ithe their largest observatories in the United states Peering through one of the giant telescopes telescoped he muttered Ah Ah tomorrow we shall have some rain I And what do you see in the heavens asked one of the I group accompanying him that tells you it will rain tomorrow Nothing replied the great man But my feet are killing me A Los Angeles businessman learned that he must catch a anoon anoon noon train to Fresno His wire wife had friends in that city and he knew that she would be disappointed disappointed pointed if if she could not accompany accompany pany him To find her was the I problem since she was shopping shop shop- ping and had not planned to be I home before evening Remembering that she had I charge accounts at several department department de- de stores he dialed the I merchants merchants' credit association and requested that they have all retail members suspend his wife's accounts immediately Ln less than an hour his wife was phoning him In tears He squared things by telling her herto herto to pack her bags and meet him himat himat at the station On his first evening back from overseas duty the Sergeants Sergeant's girls girl's parents were under standing stand stand- ing and left them alone In the living room Naturally the y didn't talk all the time and it was in the midst of a kiss that that he noticed her kid sister watching watch watch- ing them from the doorway U l you'll be a good girl and go to tobed tobed bed he said Ill give you a quarter Without a word and w without i t h o u t taking hiking a bribe she ran off but returned promptly a dollar she said Let me watch At a session of the United Nations when after a 1 day of tedious speech making the delegate from the Netherlands was called up he began thus Monsieur le Ie President then shifting to English he said How you say in E en g- g The head can absorb as much as the seat can endure PLAIN NONSENSE Another thing that hasn't survived survived sur- sur the Income tax is the old theory that you co couldn't u I d n t be wounded by a blank The fellow next door concocted a a real rarity a tax return that didn't add up It became a collectors collector's collectors collector's col- col lectors lector's item item Women are divided into two classes the careless ones who lose their gloves and the careful lose only one glove As a general rule a man is about as big as the things that make him mad In Chicago a department store featured two brands of sheer nighties found that Sinners outsold Saints three to one They say the larger the island of knowledge knowledge knowl- knowl edge the longer the shore line of wonder A word of advice advice ad- ad vice dont don't give J Robert Frost said The world is full of people some willing willingto to work the rest willing to let them A retired husband husband hus- hus band says that you know you are area a House Husband when your comes home fr from m shopping nd you Chore Girl A semi retired neighbor tells us We dont don't go goin goin in for many electrical appliances appliances ances at our house In fact we have the same dishwasher w we e have had for 15 years ME to I I An elderly clergyman primly fastidious in his bachelorhood was shocked to discover that his housekeeper had been using his bathtub in his absence from home He lectured her sternly and concluded indignantly W h hat a t distresses me most Martha is that you did this behind my back An actress of tv fame treasures treasures treas- treas ures as the nicest compliment she ever received a remark of her playwright actor husband on seeing her made up for therole the therole role or of a year old woman Darling I can hardly wait During the Bikini operations a discussion arose as to what weapons would be used in the atom next war bombs germs rockets I dont don't know what weapons will be used in the next war a ayoung ayoung young army lieutenant interrupted inter inter- but In the war after the next one they're certain to be beI I u using sing spears |