Show THE TIDED PERSON A MOST DIFFICULT POSITION TO OCCUPY gracefully world I 1 rull of wrecked and friendship cluied by third party say alla wheeler alway in be war and never happy copyright 1893 by american croaa lion all right reserved most difficult post to life to occupy gy anu without causing friction on either side la that of the third person the world is full of wrecked loves and friendships caused by this third party not through designing malice but through tactless blundering or stubborn is the disaster brought about in nino cases out of ten the people who bave successfully played the rolo in lifes drama are exceedingly cee A greater array ot unusual qualities are required for this position than almost any other calling in life demands innumerable illustrations of the strength and durability of friendship between two women have como under my observation but I 1 have found women especially unfortunate in their efforts to form trios of friendship men naturally less exacting in their relations with one another and more frank and outspoken in their methods render such comrade ships possible now and then but the qualities which make the woman friend seem inadequate to meet the exigencies of tho third position I 1 have seen a woman insist upon leaving her comfortable home to act or domestic for a friend who was in trouble quite against that friends desire she performed her tasks with delight and seemed disturbed by any expression of thanks yet when tho same friend introduced a lifelong valued acquaintance into tho household the heretofore devoted and self sacrificing woman refused to make herself agreeable or useful the woman who loves to talk and the woman who loves to listen find each others society enjoyable year after year let the talkative womans friend appear upon the scene however and wo find the unusually good listener distrait in manner and bored in expression or let the listener introduce her friend and the talkative woman becomes straightway dull and silent the ingenuity of woman in devising ways in which to be the disagreeable third party la infinite the woman of the softest nature and the sweetest disposition whop you have found unvarying in her amiability will suddenly develop the quills of porcupine at the introduction of a friend whom you harp long desired her to meet you have described her as the essence of amiability and ehe ceveale herself a monument of aggressiveness or frigidity again the friend who has ever been the incarnation of cheerfulness and good sense and whose quick responsive nature has been your delight develops an obtrusive humility when she is called upon to alatha third party she hakea herself conspicuous by her absence from accustomed places shuts herself in her room and obliges yon to bend for her and in reply tor your questioning says oh I 1 felt I 1 would bo in the way you did not need me I 1 would be de trop rendering yon and your friend inexpressibly pres sibly uncomfortable the woman who has always seemed to view tho world through rose colored spectacles and whose mantle of charity has been large enough to cover the eina of a multitude will become the severest and most relentless of critics when she attempts to be the third person she will call your attention to flaws in the appearance and manners of your frienda which you had never previously observed and sho will unearth hidden faults of character or disposition never before noticed by you ome timea she does this openly and with no attempt at concealing her critical spirit again she will sugar coat her remarks leaving the impression at first that sho haa complimented your friend until a later analysis of her words undeceives you what a very pretty your guest hasi bhe will say 1 I never saw a woman with such ugly teeth whose was so agreeable or what a very fine appearance pe arance she makes for euch a slovenly person I 1 after all I 1 think such people get along quite as well and receive as much admiration as those who take more arido in being neat and orderly of course you are never able to think of your friend again save as slovenly and the possessor of ugly teeth two points which had previously escaped your observation then there is abo woman you have al waya found ready to anticipate your slightest wish and thought when alone with her who becomes curiously obtuse in tho role of third party she never thinks to iceo you alone with the newcomer now end then who may have sorrows or joys to confide to you alone and yon dare not suggest abia to her lest ehe imagine you mean to talk about her or that you shutting her from your confidence you have no idea of the depth of my affection for you said one woman to another fn aay hearing once upon a time 1 I would bo perfectly happy to relinquish all personal aims could I 1 be near you and your slightest annoyance ia a sharp pain to mo yet scarcely a week later she made herself disagreeable in oo 00 chit way to her friends guest iier affection may have been deep but its wa acra were not wide enough to permit the passage of two voyagers A broader love if less profound would havo becq more practically useful difficult and strewn with hardships Is the role of tho third person I 1 have seen one or two women who made it an illustrious success in each caso they were women of extreme unselfishness tact and great delicacy of mind they were too women of plod balance and practical enso and a brail biow of life and they know when to be absent and when to bo present when to listen and when to talk how to speak of each friend to tae other without arousing enmity or jealousy and they were women who felt secure in their own worth and in their power to keep their places in the hearte of their friends the woman who is tho faithful and tried friend is worthy of respect and praise but the woman who can bo the third party is worthy of still greater admiration mi ration since abo successful third party must be also the good friend the most sublime devotion of friendship brings its own reward but the sacrifices and forbearance of the fal third party are seemingly without recompense yet their omission is the source of unlimited misery and trouble in alus kaleidoscopic life of constant surprising eur changes tho friendship which demands a monopoly is of practically little use it is the friendship which will bear tho strain of intrusion and which proves itself clastic enough to cover the position of third party without becoming threadbare which we need ELLA WILCOX |