Show ME BABOON TALKS WHAT A PET MONKEY HAS TO SAY ON SEVERAL SUBJECTS gome some of the th ali tiling g ono is I 1 likely to hear if it man is I 1 over ever able to convene converse with the intelligent appearing A ape pe of 0 the Mena cerle jn in the pers person 0 a of professor gamier there ba has at last 1 come forward d a scientific g gentleman n of prominence who is willing to stake his professional reputation on his ability to eta establish r blish oral communication between man and monkeys what whitt do the monkeys think of professor gamier and bis his scheme at first the difficulty of at obtaining in an unprejudiced stoker ta this ethew upon inquiry it was found that professor sor garnier gamier had apparently cast the of bis ills learning and enthusiasm over every available authority on the monkey side of the subject finally a way out of the difficulty was suggested by a gentleman who Is himself something of a naturalist having made a more or less successful attempt to consolidate the interests of and zoology why inh said he there Is professor conrads educated sacred baboon professor gamier garnier has bits overlooked him im sure 1 professor conrad declared that his sacred baboon was the most highly educated monkey in christendom and that they frequently held lone long conversations with each other hell know all about it said professor conrad como come along and ill introduce you the sacred baboon bowed gravely and remarked something in a low tone to the professor he ile says its a fine evening said the professor who acted as interpreter throughout the interview dut but professor your sacred monkey has a stall tail a long one he can hardly be up to this subject he ile is not an anthropoid ape MAN CAME TO BE DE oh ohl I 1 see I 1 said professor conrad one on me suppose we leave it to moses and the professor jabbered jabberer jabb ered something in the ear of the sacred ape that appeared to make the latter very I 1 angry he wants to know explained the professor whether you write shorthand certainly but why moses saya says his reputation and position are such that he cant afford to be misquoted from the cheerful nature of the jabbering which ensued it appeared that the professor and the sacred ape were lating each other on having one oh on the reprise representative n dative of the great public presently however tha the latter assumed a IL severe expression of countenance and thron through gli his interpreter made the following bbate merit ment that anthropoid ape theory Is all humbug I 1 demonstrated that long ago with my bareback somersault net act show ine the anthropoid apo ape that can do th tb attrick will you that shows howg what idiotic rubbish your scientists are always alway talking stalking and writing you listen carefully for two minutes and know more than lill the scientists put together how illow is it then moses was asked that so many fine flue specimens of the ape family have no more sign of a tall than a man has bits it is because moses went on without the slightest hesitation of the inordinate vanity of a family of halt half witted monkeys who bit off each others tails in infancy for a couple of centuries until nature gave up the struggle and turned them out tailless why did they do this I 1 because they thought it completed their resemblance to some other minded hided branch of our family calling themselves men that broke off from the main item about that time from that day to this we wo bothered ourselves much about the fate of either eithe ot them As for the author anthor anthropoid ape as you call him he recognized in our best society at all GREAT MEMORY moses was asked to state at about what period of the earths history these two unworthy branche sot the ape family tailless monkey and man broke away from parental control moses rattled off something with an airoff great wisdom and thi tho nature of his discourse seemed to puzzle professor conrad not a little ho ile says said the professor that abir thing happened about years before the great flood of frozen water but im blest if I 1 know what that means here indeed waa was a valuable piece of information up to the present time scientists have been utterly unable to determine with any sort of accuracy what geological epoch witnessed the origin of man why professor this is most important it if true by the flood of frozen water moses unquestionably means the glacial overflow three hundred thousand years farther back would bring us into the beginning of the miocene period our ancestors then were contemporaneous with the extinct they tracked tha terr to his lair and made him pay tribute of oil for the rude lam lampa ps of their cave dwellings they but never mind it Is s very interesting be good enough to ask moses his opinion aa as ta to whether professor gamier garnier will be able to reduce this language of monkeys to a written he ile probably will answered the sacred baboon with a gesture of indifference and when he succeeds your own language and your libraries will bu bo doomed how got BO how illow so why the very moment yon yola become familiar with our language you begin to understand our intellectual superiority rio rity we have no need of written language for the reason that our memories which are natural and with artificial aids are infallible AN AWFUL WARNING but dear respected I 1 mr moses the evidences of our civilization P our steam on engines oar our electrical contrivances contrivance sall all the wonderful inventions of man what have you to say nebout them poppycock said the sacred ape twiddle twaddle and he spat contemptuously through the bare bars of his cage but our cities our institutions our wealth our power what of these they are all in your eye said sald the sacred ape composedly phantasms images of the brain you are already on the brink of destruction your accumulations of wealth will compass your overthrow and then you will be glad to come back to your parent stem stern back to us who dollso possess all wisdom alt all happiness all philosophy phil h 1 prove what y you ou say bay mr moses prove e it t it if you caal very well said the sacred ape signifying by a yawn tawn that the interview was over beave very well cast your eyes about you as you leave by the stage entrance 00 it lt was only too true professor gamier Is respectfully requested to bear iwar in mind that bix uniformed chappies stood in line with their backs to the eurbA curbstone tAne living all but sp speaking albing proofs that the jwj sacred ape knew what he was balki talking about aboul curtis r dunham in new york advertiser |