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Show '"It's not kindness: ll 6tmply self-defense." self-defense." Philadelphia Telegraph. So Kind of Him. "Johnny," Raid tho old farmer In a coaxing voice, '-you know I believe la encouraging sports." "Yes. pa," resounded Johnny, eagerly. eager-ly. "Well, after you have milked the six cows, fed the stock and cut the wood I'll let you and Zeko have a bdow-ehovellng bdow-ehovellng Marathon between the houso and the barn and the pump and tho gate. There ain't no mean bones In my body." Chicago News. Over the Telephone. "Hello! Is this the Information editor?" "Yen." Vbo la the President of Nicaragua?" Nica-ragua?" "Walt a minute, and Ml " "But I want to know who's President Presi-dent now not who's going to be President Pres-ident a minute from now!" Chicago Tribune. Juctly Incensed. "Why did she get ancry at that man who was spending his vacation in their neighborhood?" "She asked him if he had met her daughter, and he said yes, that he had seen all the sights of the neighborhood." neighbor-hood." Houston Post JUST FOR FUN Just Dig Digs That's All. Tho hk rnan In Iho pv.rplo shirt accosted ac-costed tbi tluiiious little ninn who was wjiltlo? for the "1'' train. "Bog pardoD. neighbor." said tho bl-mau, bl-mau, as ho opened his papr, "line Is. Kornrthlns 1 don't understand." "What is that, sir?" asked th little man curiously. "Why, li states horn that ('onnl Konxpvflt shot a dlg-dl. What Is a tllK-dis?" The llttlo rnan Mulled. "My friend, a dlg-dlp Is an animal that diKH When ono dU-dl;? starts to dig the othr dlR-dlRfi dlt deeper thnu this. diR-dls. Then this dtedlg dips and die; and rtlcn until " "Hold on! Which dig dig?" "The nrst dk-dlsr. The other dl:-diss dl:-diss die and dl? to catch up with tho other dii?-dlp"s dlRKlnx. Then the Hrl 'dlK-dlK dins and digs till tho other dis-dips dis-dips " Hut the l.l man In the purple ehlrt covered his ears with hln handn and Med And oil day lnp the "dls-dls" ran through his brain until he vowed Teddy va an enemy ro mankind 'o discover such an nnlmal. Chicago Newa. She Made Rapid Progress. The temintne will out oven In the ras of children. Thl was amusingly shown not long ago when little Caroline, Caro-line, 7 years old. and hor brother, C years old. were sent to school en the tamo day. For a week they attended regularly, and on Saturday night the proud father fath-er called them lo him. With one on each Knee, ho asked what they had learned In school. "Well," paid the boy, "I learned dat f rie worl' is round. I can count up to Ave and say my alferbet." Ilia father beamed, and by careful questioning got quite, a remarkable amount of knowledge out of hla small son. "I'm proud of you. Freddie," he said, smlllnc. "Now, Caroline, have you learned lots, too?"' "Uh, hub," answered Caroline, shyly. shy-ly. "Well," encouraged her father, "tell UK what you have learned. " "I learned the name of all to hoyw in Freddie's class." sho answered, proudly, and wept when her father laughed Philadelphia Times. Why He Was Gallant. A stout woman entered a crowded oar and t.ok hold of a strap directly in front of a man elated In the corner. cor-ner. As the car started she lunged against his newspaper and trod heavily heav-ily on his toes. As soon as he could extricate blmselt ho arose and offered her bis seat "You are very kind, sir,"' she said, panting for breath. "Not. at all. madam," he replied. |