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Show f never to spend more'n two-thirds ofT int wagefl. . Uncle Ah, that's good! that's good! And you put the other third in the bank? jllkejfo; I give It to the missus to keep house on! Judgo. Choc-sing a Time. "I made up my mind to have better , discipline," said Mrs. Croalot6, "no I told our cook exactly what I thought i of her." How did you dare?" "Oh, It didn't really make any difference. dif-ference. She was poini? to loavo anyhow." any-how." Washington Star. Restless. Before their marriage he said shs should be treated like a Queen "Well," answered Miss Cayenne, "ho has kept his word after a fashion. fash-ion. Hla household is very much like i one of those- little Europeau monarchies." monarch-ies." Washington Star. The Divorce Age. "I don't want you to marry him." "Why not, mother?" "You may be able to do much bet-ter bet-ter In the future" "Well, I can cross that bridge when I come to it, can't I?" Knn6as City j Journal. Too Busy. j Mrs. N'eiKhbor Hid you ever not- ice that Mrs. Chatterton never tells you a thins about herself? Mrs. Homer Yes; it keeps her bo busy telling things about other people peo-ple that she ha no time to talk about other pc-oplo that she has no time to talk about herself. Chicago News. He Was Handicapped. Sagebrush Sam Yer sa Dill died of a lame arm. How could that be? Cactus Charlie Why, yer see, his arm wuz so stiff that he couldn't draw his gun quick an' the other feller fel-ler got the drop on him. Tit-Bits. Wonders of Modern Science. "Professor, what is Mnleusle corn f culture'?" ' Persistently wearing tight shoes." Kxchance. Too Quiet. Iady Visitor That new rIi! of yours seems very nice and quiet. Mistress Yes, she's very quiet. She doesn't even disturb the dust when she's cleaning the room. Exchange. Ex-change. Counter Irritants. Fudily Well, I suppose men and women both have th'.-lr troubles. Duddy Yes, and I've noticed that the chief trouble of one Is generally the other. Bost.n Transcript. Hie Little Weigh. "That chap used to be a champion lightwcfcbt." "What! A boxer?" "No. A grocer ' London Opinion. Lovers' Lexicon. Proposal The height of a woman's ambition Kiss A man's mark of conquest: a woman'c acset In a breach ot promise prom-ise suit. Matrimony The mirage on the desert des-ert of life. Thcr.ter A place where money U spent, until the preacher is paid the final fee. Nothing What a young man saves while be Is courting. Candy Matrimonial bult- Wedd'.ng Invitation A polite request re-quest for anything that will aid In the establishment of a household. Judge. Mysterious. "Ob. dear.' sighed her husband's wife, "I eon'i find a" pin anywhete; I wonder where all the pins go to, anyway." "That's a dlfllcuU question to answer," an-swer," replied his wife's .. husband, "became they are always pointed in one direction and headed another." Leslie's. Lifelike Attitude. "Some of our prominent men," sng gested the photographer, "like to hao their photos taken In a characteristic I attitude." j "SnliR me," responded the subject, "Photograph me with my nose aealnst a grindstone. (Jot one handy?" Louisville Courier-Journal. The Farmer's Dilemma. "You are a lucky man." said the : city dweller. "When prices are high ' ou can raixe all you want to eat." "Yes," answered Farmer Corntos- I sel. "but when I think of what It would bring In market I dun't feel as if 1 could afford to eat it." Washington Wash-ington Star. Not All Guilty. "Move inside, gents." cried the conductor con-ductor on the crowded trolley; "ye're breakln' the rules standln' on the plat- I form here." "Smo o' them ain't," piped up a little man; "they're standin' on my feet,"--Catholic Standard How Did It Happen. Indignant Customer I want lo re- turn this Jewel box. Its not Ivory, aa j represented. Dealer (musingly) Now I wonder j if It caa be possible that elephant had j false teeth? Cleveland Leader. Inconsistent. The manager canned the leading dame Because she kicked and cut up rough; He also fired the gav siubrette Because she didn't kick enough! St. Paul Dispatch. A Question of Time. "How much does it cost to got married?" mar-ried?" asked the eager youth "That depends entirely on how long you live," replied the sad-looking man. Philadelphia Record. !'r JUST FOR FUN HloV Sp!rK. ; ildhn Thf . pphlt of your wife I -lhe to pok Hth you i M-n To m a rank fr-ud. My ! I " " " 1 wife would never ak for permission to speak to rrw. Boston Transcript '. A' New Way to Save, .' - -Uncles I hop you don't spend all your CHrnlngs, Mike . Mfko No. irr; L uiako It a pjlo |