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Show tc w EMEPOUS 5 fr 2 FIRECRACKERS s&z&Mlbub G ifesjr. Not Qualified. ' The I .a Jits committee on the celebration of the Fourth was discussing the proposed program of exercises. I think, suggested a dimpled blonde, that It would be awful nice to have Borne man with a good voice read the Declaration of Independence a At this junctor' k woman w square jaw and deepset eyes ohserv-id- : pr '? ,j pacV )fH ramanJcanidles thatjWoi bustafe&s.) Qi loadedUipj ;the Uttle lyVith bombs'flcfpthi CK 5.the rustle lmSsthear Andybhoyatched, HefedqgMlhirn . 'ptJW ; It might be well, but I am opposed a married man read the document. It does not do to allow them to encourago themselves too to having much. THE GLORiOUS FOURTH." ,. "could 4fe (3: bojghlv cahnonor -- - pfotef t; I; Weasked him thead-a- oldhim of nsK-rtio- YPOM thht t tbeffst LfpV the. We ought he wps peting V, 1 r PP x One moment" hissed the; purchasbrJ-mt' ear- ' intvVhe had our jeady o - -- v for the stuffy When I explain;a enough; if say I'm right I do not want Ao kill That for aiyhour c from That I may have1?hhancet6 breatne a question soft and low This little Lads the brother of a girl, and Im her beau!" X'A X X SOME XX S,X X 'A A5 STATISTICS. . If all the burnt fingers of today a ere on one man, and he were to strike them wtth a hammer while driv-,na nail, the yell he would emit would be so loud that It would waken the oldest inhabitant of Saturn from his midday nap, and the sound would pass the nearest fixed star in forty seconds from the time It left :be earth. g If all the regrets over the money wasted In fireworks were to be collect-- , ed in one place they would make an olr of gloom so thick that the sunshine would .not get through It for 110 -- years. If all the dogs to w hose tails firecrackers were tied today were placed In single file the leading dog would be running through Bombay while the last dog would be breaking for an . ulley in New York. If all the hot air in tbe speeches de Ilvered today were collected It would fill a tank eighty miles and high len miles wide, and would be sufficient 200.000 Inhabitants o heat a city luring the coming winter. &X Trouble Ahead. s all th th rubble In Clanccy Phw-atth' alley beyant? Hogan Some o th bys fed Caseys goat a dozen av these cannon crackers an now dheys thryln t git him i ate a box of matches. Real Patriotism. That's the- - show patriotism. , , Grandpa goes on crutches When he goes kt all Bs collided with a Roman candle ball. But what about young WlllleT When do they bury him? Why. Willie came through safely Unscathed la Ufa or limb. - (iiirlii-- it) foi laxative of superior quak Tea. suiter ii); with cousllpatlou lliot-- e When a man's conscience troubles-hihe thinks be has indigestion. .. ' The Wretchedness of Constipation Can quickly be overcome by , . CARTER'S UTTLE UVER PILLS. Purely vegetable act surely and gently on the liver. Cure Biliousness, in the Um by do bmnum f6i century, end etoonf Id ndolMtilb(vf Nu lmporunVHllwyri( we is Utter in Tbrrsnu.u, which hit beru nd with I nn'n UoUat end that it U worthy thuntkiit of ttkiw who Buffer from kidney, bladder, Brvna morrow . dUtuL, chronic wenHM,utonLkkn ompitoM. Ac., Mm re ie Do doubt. In fiotUwvRiirvtdml. fiU, the big afir created montct wppctahtta, that A 1 ION la deattned to caat into oblivion ell I It alwsv make g-Whatf Gsrfleld THEM those authtiable remediee that were formerly taw Ttm, lb Natural Laxative, compoaed entirely itoiA reliance ef medical men. It la of aunra t rupee we abouid like W tell theaw ot pure, wlKjlL-noiu- e !!) aoffnrrra all herb. Intblethisto abort pud article, bnt thora who wo)d n kurin ft t r iTrin TT muur-DJiitht almoat any, aiactrimia cure jBn.t gufflclently original houldaend addmuted envelope for k'KKK book t r, Ie Cler Med. ( o., f ta vereiock Hoad , liam uet4ad to manufacture hia own lies ha should xndon. Knar and decide for ibemelve hetlevU New French Remedy T1IEHA IlON" No. U b stick to the truth. or No. I they require and have been up I. In vain during Ule of ml wry, aufforing, lit h a la aoldby dmeviva rnhAppInoaa, I'heraoirin Mr. Wlnnlowu ftootblng Syrup for Children and Bubli Uy Beeknta New 1 o k'uuger The man who paddles his own canoe today may own a steam yacht to- Well, Torpedo t bare celebrated Mr. Cracker Yes; apletely busted? f you certainly - rii J cant you see I'm The Girl and the Flag "People are careless, said the' man with the big firecracker In his hand. common If they would exercise sense we would hear of less ac identa on the Fourth.' He touched the lighted end of his cigar to the fuse, and resumed: There is no danger In the use of fireworks If those who handle them think of the risk they are running. 1 have shot off firecrackers since I wa old enough to strike a match, and never even got a finger burned. A smile of recollection came upon his face, and be dropped bis hand Idly to his side while fie said: I remember onee when my Uncle Thomas came to our house on the Eour.th.. I wss a small boy at the time, but I recall distinctly that we had an old toy cannon, and Uncle Thomas Insisted npon telling us boys how to fire !L Well, sir. he Whack! Bang! Wow! Without apologizing for his haste, the man who bad held the firecracker ran to a duig store, leaving his friend musing upon tbe necessity of being careful. terthiiifr, uofteuu tbe trumm reduer iflmtD lion, tilt) n pnin, cures wind eoltc, 6c i bottle. it. NN vn imrtL Oil t Md or man hides his wifes coffin with roses, who never gave her a five dollar bill to do as she pleased w ith. Many J STtEi DAISY FLY KILLER m n mvwfcU eon hung. Au'tttli ftp WIU Dot IWU BB DBjthlWp-lujuru OavutaMl mvtni, OVOT . Quality quantity In sonietlilng U con-l'ti- -r la purchasing a remwiy for eua.tls-- i tlon or oa a laxative. How about (iartteld Teal ilwtu HAkOLto I0MRU, IM old toy dopltow mat yrtpilt fur DC. Mik Av. Brnklga, . then. now and The man who has somethlng'to sell 4s always an optimist. Many a man looks who is not guilty. like a statesman Garfield Tea puriDei the blood and clear the oouiplcxlou. Driu k before retiring. Men may be torn modest, but en have to acquire all they get. HOWARD E. 23RT0N gpodrortB prtout: Uutd, Hi Ivor, Land. $1: Gold . Biiwr. tte; Gold, AOe; Kin or Ouppor, l. MDiRnp. Mifrtu&M and fall prtc Hat ont oa ipylltwhuar tontrut and waipir work Doltrtiod. UadtUU (jle ItotoWM Utowiwto hUwal Bank. , avar adetk DEFIANCE STARCH ta U. wom- W. N. U.. Silt Lake City, No. In. 27-19- 12. if) it WHY HE DID IT. The Kind Yon Have alcohowper cent AVegdablt Preparation forts similaling rtie Food and . r - ' Promotes DigcsHon, Cheerfulness and Rest Ccrlains neither Opium. Morphine norFhneral Not Xabc SOM Always Bought -- g Regula-hn- Ihe Stomachs and Bowels of Bears the Signature of oyk yx Amm JttJ bgrm Sd Zpprrmtut ' My dear little boy, tie those firecrackers to the tail of that dog? Little Boy Aw, hes an English mas: King Stranger why do you tiff.' The patriotic crow d, being enthused the exercises began singing the by d Banner. Soon everybody was singing "tunl te te to turn, as Is usual, except one man who lustily "Star-Spangle- sang every word of the song to the enfL Later it foreigner. was learned that be T , t Oh, heres to the girl and the flag we love And nothing our love can sever. No matter the trail of our wayward feet. Our girl and our flag forever . She sits on her throne ti the mottled-' shade, A crown on her curly tousles, XAnd over her gaily the old flag floats In a flutter of loves carousals And always I see them wtth eyesi The maid and the flag but never For me shall exist but these ,Our girl and our flag forever I 1 " - . "d fop C 'l :il Mf m Zrtwr A pcrfecl Remedy forConsiips lion . Sour Stomach.Diarrhoea, Worms .Convulsions .Feverishness and LOSS OF SLEEP feii Lie Simile Signature of . - HE KNEW IT. was a - U woman jealous enables, his Satanic majesty to take a vacation A For Infants and Children. In his bedroom. Moaning In distress ' Savs It sitnplv ruined Bark breadths of her dress; . Bhe also lost her collar. An eyebrow and a curl. For sbe Was showing Willis Whji his pinwheels wouldn't whlrL teen at bis wife's dinner table, Mr CrtmaonUak Yes, 1 uncled stand the Ttirksilive a long time - Mr. a patriot best way In tbe world to A good citizen Is always AN OBJECT LESSON. Minus r No Wife's Cooking for Them. Sirs Criuibonteak 'Ibis paper ray that rarely indeed is a wealthy Turk A splendid and highly recommended remedy for tired, weak. Inflamed eyes, and giamilated eyelids, Is Paxtlne Antiseptic, at druggists, 25c a box or sent A WONDERFUL DISCOVERY. postpaid ou receipt of price by The iBthlRSfeofmwsirbundespertwiwUBUustwfW tantnckd bjrtfeewlfnutif forilMmitifrtftul Paxton Toilet Co., Boston, MabS. puiiMtaof man. tfe'teQor ha ldwd isdiaiHkiTUit Fathers lost bis whiskers. Coat's In ashes, loo, , Nose is In court plaster, - One eye black anil bluet They cuf bis shirt oft of him To graft akln on his back. - For he was showing Writs Why his crackers wouldnt crack. Mothers feeling awful. x man WILLIE SURVIVED. Jots of skin: Thumb and finger missing, Splints upon his shin. They turned the hose uponfilra In time to save his eyes. For he wag showing Willie Why his rockets wouldnt rise. gold, Jack That means another gold shipment io Europe, I suppose. Here's consolation for the married ache, When the suffragettes gain Dizzitheir puint, and an election doesn't ness, and Indigestion. They do their duty; go Ids way, be can blame it on his SMALL PILL, SMALL DOSE, SMALL PRICE.-wife Genuine must bear Signatura- Busy Day. If all the coming roman candles shot off could be made into one It would be tall enough to reach the moon and the balls shot from It would penetrate the Milky Way and glance off the north pole to Jupiter, but even their it would not be big enough or last long enough for the average small boy. Uncles ladys-puie Head- Who, Bhouted the impassioned tor, who among us has any cause to be happier than his neighbor on this glorious day of the nations birth T" A man with his head bandaged and both hands In a sling, arose in the rear of the hall and exclaimed: The doctors! . Eyelids, Murine Eye Remedy Co., Chlcego ora- man,', wtule paying CirSultd eh drdltd Cause Uncle Ed, be give me quarter to do it with! Their nd Murine in b.Hik in fctekofre not u !atrnl Md-iein- a otuponndiHl by our Oculist I1 me -- but used In Uou for many yearn. Now to the Rub lie end mid by lruainlu t tbe and 60c per Bottle Munne hye balvu in AnpUo Tube, tbo uo4 Abe. OF THE DAY. PROOF day? Kid " A Watery Lyes Mr. Prosy My boy, do you know why you are celebrating this grand Tm not surprised thafyoure surprised 'at what Fm XhY ' doing here, But this young imp has worried me for half a yearor so And it has cbmetothis point that the Iqd or I must go! Anotheih.rhomnt-bge- -G- - rtKl dangers in the things HCW IT LOOKED. j bought v And said that he was acting like 'a man av ho never thought Wanted to Knew the CulprlL iodotng story was told recently by Aubtiu ll.imes to a party ot fi lends he entertained at luncheon Down In tt Title Florida town two negro families live In ahanties about a stokes thro mart. They obtain their drinking water from a shallow even well located midway between the two houses A fence which separates the two yards is bulll up to the well on both sides Fiery evening after her day's work it done. It is tbefcus-toof one of the negro mammies to pick up buckets and go to the well for water One clay tic owner of the property moved the teuce back about ten feel from where It originally stood. That evening when Eliza started out with her pail Bhe fixed her eye on the fence and made straight for it. Walking hurriedly along the beaten path, she plunged Into ihe shallow well with Her screams brought imThe Lay.- - Poor ii'tle gal! She's so a splash mediate assistance, and as she c, imbskeerej Lt it would bo positively in mo not to swat her and ed out and spied the fence ten feet away she Indignantly exclaimed; tale lie Ini i i;u hers away from her! Now, who done moved dnt well? First to Assert Mens Rights. What Difference Did It Make. Thomas Jefferson and his colleagues in the contim nt.il congress did not by Walking behind Mime eoloied gills, homeward bound Loin school, iu a any mentis invent lduity and equality But they were the hrs: legislative as j Missouri town once upon a time, a unsembly to dei late that all men are ea visitor- overheard the lollowing titled to t qual rights, blushing and gigUing, rich voiced and of Indivldu kllng eyed -- Gone Yell, she Over tor the Enemy. ality trom one of them: I don' ' me but know Wow I tuny mo' nev in, hep' bet ill never, Tbtnp r will bulk an' wag me tail when 'bout Caesar now n did befo' ban'. n' ef she kep me hi two! Gabriel fitdepeud. nee Day is mentioned after ' blows his born I wudilen know an I this! wmlden care. What diffunce it make to me whnt ol' man Caesar done away Nearly All. Mrs. Nayboie Did your Uttle brothvandeh befo de saw!- "- Evening Post er come homo from the Fourth of July picnic all right? When Your Eyes Need Care Uttle Lizzie Yes'm all except his Try Murine Eye Remedy. No Smarting Teel balr and fingers. Fine Act Vuiukfy. Try it for Red, ek. Tl.e , - get'ting'forKird half aboAof sUcksdiWiite TWas then we', Stepped up to'rthe manWna sbki we ,iist ONLY PHILANTHROPIC tear-dimm- " The Cextalw Company, NEW YORK. ed Guaranteed under the Foodanj ' v Exact Copy of Wrapper. i, j iiarvy j mm ii VU WTT. ' |