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Show I I ALPHABET THOUGHT HE WAS A MOUSER. IN NATURAL WOODS ou am Thia the lawyer, "my client haa reaaon to believe that the arbipolice are about to interfere would he and hla with bualneea, trarily like to have an Injunction restraining them from looking at him while he le at work, or touching the tools of hla -- You honor." aald profession." "I do not see," aald the learned Judge, "why we should go so tar as to restrain the police from looking at your client" He le of a very nervoua temperament, your honor, and to be watched while at work seriously disturbs him." In that case." the Judge admitted, the demand seems reasonable. What is your client's business?" He Is a burglar, your honor," . Job Hod tba "What's the matter, little boy?" In qulred the kind lady, stopping before a sobbing urchla on the street, ' I 1 the got a boll on my neck," whimpered . boy. Tee; but Just think how many bolla Job had! I know; but think uv th. patience he had, too!" replied the boy. TV E. K. Lmbert, a woodsman residing letter. This letter was found -- three at Elma, Washington, possesses a most miles east of Elma, In a logging camp, If the trusts bad made coal aa cheap unique cariosity. For three years he where Lambert was then employed. as they have made matches there would has beet laboring with tireless watch- This discovery gave Lambert the idea, be far less antipathy tor them. fulness to secure each of the letters and he then and there determined to "Pa, you called Uncle John a mlaer. Doe that mean be catchea mice?" of the English alphabet from the acci- find the whole alphabet. As fast as dental rovth shapes he could find hs found a letter thereafter he studied Tba Dilatory Tollsra. NEEDED MORE LIGHT. in tb. roods. He has two or three the nature of the tree, and endeavored "It was Mr. Teller, dear, wasnt It, each of tbs letters, and is sble to form to ascertain how It grew Into fantastic who offered a resolution to have our one Arabian and almost perfect lot shapes, and Investigate also the relacountry Interfere on behalf of a Boer of twentj-siletters from his complets tion of the soil to such growths general who was condemned to death collection This study has been carried so tar and then found out that he was too Three years ago Mr. Lambert found that Lambert now considers himself later his first letter A. It was very large, able to tell by merely glancing at a Yee, my dear." weight nj over 100 pounds He cut It tree whether4 It is worth " while to "Tellers are all a good deal alike, down, fat was unable to carry it out search among Its roots or branches for arent they, dear?" of the roods. This letter was a - - a letter.-- "What makes you think so?" In describing his mods of operation powth, and so well formed that a persoi could not detect where the In securing letters from tree growths, "Why, that teller down at the bank sever told me my personal account cross Jdned the other parts of the iAmbert says: Mistake of tk Treats, x vine-map- - le would be overdrawn until I asked him for the money. Baflaattaas of a Dado Pweddy (slightly . Who aw is that very stylish and fine looking man at the otheh end of the room, Mrs. Greeable? Hostess You are looking at your own reflection in the mirror, Mr. Llght-payt- e. A MISSIONARY'S near-sighte- d) Aw Pweddy Greeable! Hostess at that I must say. though, Miss kckerman, who Is a traveling be winked mlsaiotary for thq National Woman's I dont quits relish ths idea of carryChris tha Temperance pnlon, and at ing a coffin, but this fellow put np such nice line of talk that 1 hadn't tha preseat In Japan, has announced her It was a engagaent to a man who, she says, heart to give him the go-bsaved far life. In a letter Just received child's coffin, too a pretty, whits one. -- "Why do you keep that old candle on your desk?" "Well, you see, electric light only gives sixteen candle power and . I want seventeen. Hj you flattah me, Mrs. No; the mirror does ROMANCE , it thmttonaf headquarters of the He was an undertakers assistant and It was a hurry case some contagious disease, I suppose. I asked him why he didnt use a wagon, and be laid he couldn't get at it At any rate, I carried .the jeoflla out to. Sixtieth street, where the man got off. Philadelphia i Om for Hla Oof. ' '1 want to get a inutile said tht crabbed,v matt; entering thdr hardware ' store. "Like Ibis one, sir?" said the clerk, exhibiting a certain pattern. "Oh, my, no! That would hold the mouth too tightly shut , "I Just sold, on of tbenl to a wom- NO CAUSE FOR WORRY. , an, sir. ' Record, Sb v la Boatoa. Manda? Mrs. Gush How do you do, How did you like Abe - reading of Browning at the club last night? Mrs. Bluff Oh, pretty well But I didnt like the way her drees hang. Mrs. Gush Nor I, either. And It seemed to me she might have held the book more gracefully. M Hill DtitbU. city of toothless people. The Russian capital ahould be, and eventually will be, removed to Moscow mainly on that account This, at least, ,1a tbs opinion of a prominent merchant of the city on the banks of the Neva, who says hs has beard much talk along that line In the last few years. There are two reasons for this condition. Ths first M. Zorokoff gives is the atmosphere of the capltal dty. The vapors that arise from the marshes of tbs Neva (jave the effect of producing tbs decay of the teeth. The second reahas son is the scarcity of good dentists. ' Well, it would be all right for a woman, young man, m but I want mine for a dog. Biavilnf rt.r.tnrf St Petersburg Is slowly becoming a S a letter la to the swamps where If I am looking for I go blua-huckleb- erry It grows on decayed logs. There the roots seek for light and moisture and form many peculiar shapes In tbeli search for these nourishing elements. Ofttlme 1 find fllrand alder trees growing from cedar windfalls that- were blown down ages ago. Here I bunt for N's, Ms and Ws. lathe tops of fir trees I hunt for Ka. I go to the vine-map- le A swamps for H, L, A, P. B g. I search among the cedar bough for O, E, F and G. In certain varieties trees I look for X, Z and of crab-appft. My Rs come from the barberry and the alders, Wherever shrubbery grows I search for letters, but In such places as 1 have described I am mors apt to find them, - le . per Austria to Trieste, and It will pierce the Carlnthlan Alps, In which Is the famous Gron Glockner. Though the whole length of the line Is only to be 193 miles, tbs money voted for It Is no less than 135,000,000. Thera will be two big tunnels, one about five and a third and the other about 1 five miles long. As water-powe- r was at first everywhere plentiful. It Intended to run the trains by electricity; but tbs decision was finally given M favor of steam. Tbs maximum gradient will be on in forty, which la the highest for this class of railway. Bof Friffhtn4 to Dth ""RPttntiyst Twrtbr Inquest was held on the body of Sidney Harry Smith, aged 13 years, lie was playing with a roller towel and placed his head through 11 In some way he must have got the towel twisted, for when the servant found him five minutes afterward he was dead. A physician said death was due not to strangulation, but to th fright caused by the lad finding he could not get his head loose. Creat Treatment It may not be generally known that there Is cruelty In tbs keeping of goldfish. Half of such captives die from sneer want of rest As fish have eyes so formed that they cannot endure the light to glass vessel they are In an ntSOB Miss Ackerman says sbe entirely wrong place, as is evident been "captured heart and hand by way to which they dash from th for Soldier. Smoking Owl nialyr Wot. and that they are Rsiu nobleman, and go round and round until about An Interesting experiment was tried Cholly I said something to Miss to be married aa soon as she finishes out worn maSwiss recent fairly the military she Quickstep the other day, and all th tour she Is making. The name of during whether smoking said was that children and fools speak thi prospective husband Is not given. neuvers to discover aurlwM the truth. I wonder, baw Jove, If she Mias Ackerman says that some years was beneficial or Injurious to troops on Is estimated that the people of the It comresulted trial The march. the while sbe was making temperance, He I must warn you, dearest, th t after we are married you win very meant anything personal? - Instead United States eat 3,000,000 frogs yearpletely la Tavor of smoking. Ml De Bulr Certainly not Everylectures In Russia, shs was attacked are sought for In all likely find me inclined to be arbitrary and dictatorial In my manner. of destroying discipline, It preserved It, ly, These frogs by a mob and would have been killed body knows youre not a child. She No matter; I wont pay the slightest attention to what yon say. country, furnishing a payof the parts discovered tbs that was troops hid tt not been for the appearance of and it for the hunter not only Industry en ing bed been permitted to smoke tbs tobleman. An attachment which who natural their haunts, but to route proved less sensible to fatigue of them t Thai Way. DMa't A COOL CALLER. won ripened into love sprang up who havs frog of vcores persons for tried the at less and fresher were and "Very few girls," said the mother, the two at that time. finish than their more abstemious farms "know how to alt down gracefully. Vrot-EaU- r. a, Da-I- . be-tve- You should be deliberate about "I am," returned the girl "Nix," said her annoying brother. It" AU la Savins advertisement In a city newspa-precently asked for Information regarding a certain depositor In a sat-Ingbank. - Ths depositor saw ths ad vartisement, answered It and learned that thirty-nin- e years before be had placed 1250 In ths bank. Then ha had gone to Europe and forgotten the The sum had Increased to more than 12,000 and came to him at a time whe the money waa greatly needed. Recent statistics concerning the savings banks of th world show that the United States leads all other countries, having over two and a third billion doll&rr to invested, with aa average of ever $400 to each depositor. Tooths Companion. An small , "Yes, I am, too," said the, girl Not when you were learning to skate at the park this morning," insisted the small brother. ended. Thereupon the discussion mmm aaaai A Cripple. ' Tramp Id like ter do something to pay for all this, but I'm a cripple, ' mum. - Housekeeper Yon dont look it Whats ths matter? Tramp Writers cramp, mum. Ive been keepln a Ust of all th people wot offered me work, mum. New York ' ' i la Rnr Celebrated Pugilist Quiet Clttseh The York. in st any way? Beg wasnt looking st you. Who yer look- pardon, but I . Well why wasnt yer looking at me? Don't you know who I am?" ' Life. Bis Kmeelleat Wemeoae. "No!" exclaimed the eloquent orator at the meeting of the Society for th Foolish Suppression of Other PeoplesestablishHabits. "No, Indeed, st my ment w will not employ a man who smokes while he work. As th hum of approval went wound a curious person In tbs rear of the hall arose and Inquired: business you May 1 ask what line of follow, sir?" replied the elo"Powder ma-Jnorator. In e m barrasseo. tones. g." quent comrades. r ranch Labor Dhltloa commission has been apA special Cerlatblea TomI Alps The next great tunnel that will be pointed to France to codify the laws built Is to be the direct rout from Up- - concerning working class legislation. Te de-po- m mm Weeklf W To the achieving of remarkable feats thers Is no end. The other day Scotsman for some a modest-lookin- g Scotsmen can look modest even when they are playing golf stepped np with a driver and made a fine drive over a bunker on a golf course near London, the ball going straight into the hole. A correspondent sends us, says the London Express, an account of what Is perhaps the strangeet golfing feat on record. On a norther links a player lately made a drive, and owing to a miscalculation the ball struck a bowlder and bounded onto the roof of a cottage altuated on the links, finally Bemarkabl Strok from BraMtop The other day a sparrow happened to course be In full flight across a golf had a as Just Midlands player In the sent his hall on a long drive. The bird and the ball cams to contact to and tt 1 difficult to determine whlch'was the harder hit, since both fen to the ground together. Bird la Mld-A- lr Killing Drlva Into th Hole at On Strok. lodging behind the chimney. The playsort, er, being of the pertinacious climbed onto the roof, and, ' sitting astride It, took careful aim, driving the ball from Its hiding place, and thereby finishing a long hole In six strokes. American golf enthusiasts will find It hard to beat this story. In golf Utwy for Motor Driver. king Is setting an example of smartness by having his new motor ear painted exactly like the royal car a on Mias Dukkets Did you tell Mr. G ethers I was not In? rlagea, with the royal i r each door, and two liveried servant , Maid Yes. maam. os the box Seat. Other motor car own Miss Dukkets What did he say? Maid He said, "Well, tell her to come down as soon as she Is in." He's srs are no longer content to have driver dressed In dark blue a 1th in the parlor. pealed cap. Lord and Lady de Grey and Lord and Lady Gosford have put . Took tt With Hoc. go rrj Ho Spoke. their drivers into ordinary livery An unsophisticated old woman asked He was In the parlor of a SI Louis thll people number of a druggist ths other day If he had any residence while his fiancee was playing are coachmen lessons In Her motorgiving their soap. "Yes, maam," he replied. "Do a Chopin sonata on ths piano. driving. London Mall you want it scented or unscented?" mother was seated almost opposite and when ths Well," she replied, bein Its so small, her future somln-IaColBa mm Street Cu I guess 111 take It along with me." proper opportunity presented Itself she ' "I've carried some queer things on said: tt front platform," said the motorman " Woo Many. "Dont you thin Edna has a great of the Market street night car, "but Town I dont see how Skemer gets ear for music? I struck the limit one night last week. along, 1 certainly do," replied the young Ton know we not are supposed to Browne Why? If youd stretch a few strings man. so strictly to the rules after midTowne Well he doesnt work much. across It would make a lovely guitar. night, and carrying freight 1st apt to Browne No, not much, but many. But he never finished his subject coat-of-arm- ' well-kbow- n w, lro ad-hp- rt ns to v- - |