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Show JUST FOR FUN "A new Post Office was established at a small village far out West and the office of postmaster was bestowed be-stowed on a native of the soil. After a while, complaints were, made that no mail was sent out from' the new office. So an inspector was sent to Inquire Into the , matter. He asked the Postmaster why no mall had been sent out. The Postmaster pointed to a big and nearly empty mall bag hanging up in a corner and said: "Why, I ain't sent it out because the bag ain't nowhere nigh full yet." A prominent San Francisco clubman club-man has a country home down at San Mateo, where most of the wealthy folks of the city live. Recently he had an automobile accident at a lonely spot on the road where he found It impossible to reach a tele-phono tele-phono to notify his wife. Now, It happened that he was happily hap-pily married, very domesticated, and not accustomed to staying out at night. So at midnight his wife became be-came very nervous. She disapatched the following telegram to five of her husband's best friends In the city. "Jack hasn't come home. Am worried. wor-ried. Is he spending the night with you7" 0oon- -jifterr this -her husband ax- r rived home and explained the cause . of his delay. While he was talking a , boy brought in five answers to her telegrams, all worded thus. "Yes, Jack is spending the night , with me." "When I was a boy," remarked the head of the family, "a nickel looked a big as a quarter to me." "Well, pop," said his son and heir, "a dollar bill looks as big as a five to " me right now." "These people may have culture," said Representative Stanley Heffling- ( er In a war discussion at the Cleve- land Republican Club. "Their cul- ture, though, reminds me of the ham sandwich. A messenger boy in a' quick lunch joint said reproachfully, to the girl behind the counter: " 'I don't see no ham in this here sandwich, lady.' " 'Oh, you ain't come to it yet,' said the girl. "The boy munched solemnly on. Then he said: " 'Still no ham, lady.' " " 'Oh, said the girl, 'you've bit over it now." "I shouldn't care to be the wife of a man who never smoked." "Well, it is comfortable to see one's husband sitting down after dinner din-ner to enjoy his cigar, and besides, there is something rather soothing about the aroma of tobacco." "Oh, I don't care about the comfort of it or the armoa; but as long as my husband smokes it will always be so easy to tell him how to begin when he insists that we have got to economize." "Well, sir, what do you want?" snapped the irritable gentleman farmer. far-mer. "I'm the Captain of the 'Grasshoppers, 'Grasshop-pers, sir," explained the. youth, uneasily. un-easily. "I've come to ax you for the use of the home medder for foot-ball this season." "Our treadin' on't 'ud save yer the " ' I trouble o' rollin' it next Spring, sir, j hastily put in the youth, with a view to calming the angry farmer. At that moment he received a kick ', that sent him springing down the f road at twelve miles an hour. s A few minutes later he again ap- I peared before the owner of the home fe meadow. Creeping up cautiously, he f said with a gasp: J, "Gosh! you can kick, sir- Will yer j: join our team?" j SOMETHING LOST "Do you find that prohibition has improved the town?" "In some ways. But it isn't as in- ) teresting and intellectual as It was when the temperance lectures held regular meetings." Washington Star. rt oo J .THE RESULT. "How do you think the hyphenated ' vote will be cast?" "I think when the returns come in, it will be cast down." |