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Show Q i.v Tiir wnoiii orricr From the Washington Star: fes, doctor," remarked the agitated fil woman In the physician's offlc ,tho dear little thing teems to bo ti itlng, and he moans and whimpers i jiltl-lully, jiltl-lully, and, really, I don't knot hat to do!" "How old?" Inquired the t le'cal man, soothingly. "lie's Just three weekt tullno daya old, and " "Myl" remarked the phylclal but that'a pretty young for teethlngh.be-gin teethlngh.be-gin I" "Yes," she continued, "and the oor little thlng'a hair la coming cfu to dreadfully, and" "Hair coming out!" exclaim dtbo doctor. "My dear madam, aurou quite certain that" Y "Ye," ahe went on, "and If Mao much at touch hla little face h tips at you eo dreadfully and " "Kxtraordlnaryl" Interrupt -he physician. "Snaps, you say) ty, there mutt " "And I have given him par le. but the poor little thing doetn' am to be able to keep the atuff ullt stomach, and" "Hut that Is a relic of barbarlinto serve out huge doses of paregt rl to young " "And he won't even touch lb dk I give blm. In his little aauctr, ir-" "Madam, you give a 3-wee ;Jd young one milk In a saucer!" "And ho dors nothing but ran rxn one room to another and keepl mi. Ing up on tho corerlet of the Us W. and " "Three weeks old and racing fan ono room to another, and Jumpli m tho beds!" "And he's so terribly nnxlo iw chew things to sharpen hla pot tie tooftms, I tuppost that he lu eaten up two of my httt and a p to! Jack'a slippers and four palm to! fans and the leather bindings of tva volumes of Macaulay'a 'Ulster ef Kngland,' and " "Oh!" exclaimed ths mtdlca) ran, a great light breaking In upon 'to. "Madam, my tine Is very limited 1 am very busy. Moreover, hompiliy hat not yet advanced lumcleitlybr to render Hi practitioners capibft of diagnosing the teething dlRlcultlciot fox terriers! Therea a dog dectot la tho next block, four doors to tbt jibt. Oood morning, madam g-o-o-4 mm-Ins!" mm-Ins!" "Did you over hear of anytilouo horribly rude In your life?" laquttd tho young woman In telling hir! tit-band tit-band of It that evening. f I Hut her husband wot nisalMJilto, tho parlor to look after thefoVierier pup, which wat gnawing holes In b leather touch and wat tcatttrlng tl excelsior stuffing Impartially aroiol tho room, M A I'OI'l'I.MI mr. 9 I'arton Good-Mornln', deacogHI trust It Isn't atheltm that U kctfa!: you away from church? ft Deacon Sly No, parson; It Is rtd-matlsm. rtd-matlsm. wi IlltM llt.n niVmal. If "Things might have been dlffient with me," aald tho converted bujlir, "If I had a good educatloa an' topd Sunday school training." U "I'oor man," said tho visitor, ryrn-pathetically. ryrn-pathetically. 'wr.jxw "Yea, I might have been a tiSed cashier an' skipped out with tho Uds, an' I might bo llvln' like i nilln' cock somewhere out of tbt toaitr." I'uck, a IIOO.I A, Tallor-I hope, baron, roulTpay this blll-I really can't Mlt .ayiong-er. .ayiong-er. I owe now for the elotb formoro than three months llaron-H'm! You rua la ieUIand expect me to furnish the moniy rj pay wlth!-lleitro Welt mW Th. Il.t.l.r IThm,,- I Urst office boy-Wotll ,uJTf do bost raises yer salary froa $ t0 nve? a fC.Cn.d """.bor-Well, , hadn't fuec.ded-WpM,tI1Ilik,up "My wlfo got so m.a lb, ,,., speak to mo for an hour." "Ah!" ' I "And then she turned ItWuI ,n at once."-Iudlanapollt PreH. j Mrt. Gothan-Tho viL. ,Q Indiana state board la 1 r ent the marrl.g?0Y ,'' Mr. Qotham-What nm ', Tney soon get over H-Xwjtg$g 11.11., u t Mrs. Neur)ch (blddln, , ,, , her guesu alter her flr,t ?' ,tB I'm to sorry that th. Hi 'S'PHopJ our beat people allPW all of j flajtajsja . Iiant.r. Tho Beautiful Hoe of the Adlron-aackt Adlron-aackt trembled plteously. "Ah, me," the moaned. 'The open aeason baa come " feiJrt' I,0rUIr 11UClt Uulld l n .h"n' ll',.a.ll r"r "'" ,or Wl" crltd the Hoe "You have horns and are la no danger jf being thot! Dut r look Juat like a hunter at a distance." It could not be maintained that her alarm wat devoid of logical Justlflca-tlon. Justlflca-tlon. Detroit Journal. O.. Way rial. "-. Mrs. Houtekeep -See here.I'vo been getting a doien eggs from you overy week and In every doien lately I've found at least two bad ones. What's to be done nbout It?" Urlght Clerk "Suppose you only only half a doten hereafter. Maybe you wouldn't find ao many bad ones then." Philadelphia Press. UK WOULII IIC MCEDED. Mrt. Kidder George, may I write and accept Mrt Urown'a Invitation for Dobby to nttend her boy't party? Mr. Kidder Yes; and while you are writing you bad better write Dr. Kuro M. quick to call the day otter. Il.tn I'.irt'ng II. Mr. Lurker Uxcute mo, Mlsi Snapper, Snap-per, but I havo long sought this opportunity oppor-tunity Miss Snapper Never mind the pre-, amble, Mr. I.urker. Itun along la and k pa. He's been expecting this would come for the past two years. Tld-Dlts. In III. Mind. "Thought you said you had plowed that ten-acro field," said tho nrat farm-er. farm-er. "No; I only said I wat thinking about plowing It." said tho farmer. I "Oh, I tee; you merely turnod It I over In your mind." Yonkera Statu-I Statu-I man. As t'.uat Assistant Hero are more dlipatcbtt about the battlo In tho catt. IMItor What do they eay? Assistant It appears that both sides were greatly outnumbered, but each defeated tho enemy with tevero lots. Harlem Life, Cl.t.r fa. Aunt But Frits, why do jou always brine Hlaa when I play? Bho screams frightfully until I have to atop, Frltx Yet, that's what pa sai, and bo gives me flte cents to do It File-gende File-gende Ulaetter, l'.rfrclly ar. City nephew What do you think of Dr. Pilltbiiry at a physician? Farmer llayroob Safcat doctor any-whero any-whero In thlt part of the country nearly always off flihln' whou he's wanted. Judgo. Ueklnd. Tho doctor Hero I carried that patient pa-tient through a desperato tlcknets only wife Havo him object to your fee The doctor No; drop dead whon ho taw my bill. Life. !U,I 'Km lo Noll. Customer (having tried nearly nil tho bate In tho shop It's a funny thing that you don't teem to havo a hat that tulti my bead, Shopman (truly anxious to please) Try a toft one, sir. Plck-Me-Up. In lb. rrout How. Husband Why do you alwayi want to tit In tho front row? Wlfo So I can't seo tho other wo-mon'i wo-mon'i hats, but so they can all ate mine. Syracuso Herald. Too !-!. Wlfo (after a quarrel) I wish I'd never met you! Husband Yes. Now when It It too Into )ou aru torry for mel File-gendo File-gendo Blaetter. Thankful. When tho cyclono leveled Bryan, And blew hla chances flat, I'm glad that In tho Hurry I only lo't a hat. Cleveland Plain Dealer. Htl.lom. Gong writers may turn out airs by tho million, but they seldom become millionaire! Philadelphia Itccord. |