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Show PjP0 As rj. for llMlltm. Tbo new reporter In hie etory of tha wedding wrote "The floral display stretched from the chancel rail to the doora of Ihe church " Ihe city editor. In a mild manner, a la the custom of rlty editors with now reporters, suggested "Couldn't you have used a better word than 'etrtrhed'' Say the floral display 'nodded.' or 'twined,' or something some-thing like that some word more suggestive sug-gestive of flowers " " Hlretched' Is nil right." replied tho new reporter, with the stubborn cour-ago cour-ago of a realist "The decorations consisted of elx rubber plants, nnd they had to stretch to go tho distance." Ualtlmoro American. Nut rrrar1ly l t. "My man," said an old lady, a notorious notor-ious busybody, to n pitman whoso dog waa trotting on before him with lolling tongue, "your dog la not sate and ought not to be at large Ills tongue hinglnj out so Is a sure sign ot rabies." rab-ies." "Nse, ras'nm," replied tho pitman, pit-man, "It's tongue's owre big for Its moolh, earns as sotno old ladles' tongues." I'llmtassne. "Tour extrnvagamo In dress," ho exclaimed, ex-claimed, "will ruin mo!" The woman, his wllo, flashed as to her great, dark eyca. "It Is not for you," alio retorted with warmth, "to taunt mo with extravagance! extrava-gance! You, who etery year pay taxes upon all your property!" At this he winced and aald no more, Detroit Journal. About lh Nam III. Townc Yea, I'm looking for a house; we'll havo to muvo. Tho roaches where we aro now acare my wife al-moat al-moat to death. Urowna I thought you said the only thing that could frighten her was a mouse. Towne That'a Just "It. At a llttlo distance these roaches look like mice. Philadelphia Press. V bars Itie M.k Was-"What's Was-"What's tbo meaning of this?' "asked tho farmer'a wife. "You say you went to town on business, nnd hero In this very paper 1 see you wcro fined In n pollco court for being drunk." "It Is a reporter's mistake." "The prisoner bore your name, Henry Adolphus." "Yes, that's tho mistake. I gave another name." Two rertuars. "This," eald the city man who had taken up farming, "thla Is my herbarium." herbar-ium." "Your whntf" asked the farmer born to tho bualnrea. "My herbarium collection of herbs, you know." "Oh! And ain't you goln' to build no hogarlum, too?" Indianapolis I'rcBB. Had llranl or Thera lloror. Teacher Yes; the constitution waa adopted In 1783. Now, Johnny, can you tell us anything about tho principles princi-ples of American liberty? Johnny IOeel I should say I couldt Tap's been runnln' for office ever since I could re-membor. re-membor. Puck. That ta AIL "Aro there no cga with tbe ham for breakfast thla morning?" naked the observant boarder. "No," replied tho cross-eyed boarder; board-er; "this Is n ham and rgglcaa breakfast" break-fast" New York Telegram. Girted Ancellna-"Angelina Ancellna-"Angelina telle me sho cuts all her shirt waists without a pattern." "She does? How do they look?" "Oh, they look Ilka shirt waists cut without a pattern." Indianapolis Journal. (IimhI Pennlllun. "What Is a sanguine disposition, Uncle Un-cle Christopher?" "Sanguine disposition? disposi-tion? Well, Its your mother, Hobby, thinking she can drive a picture nail Into tha wall with a banana." Too Will Known. mil I understand dayboy Is one of the best known men In )our town? Jack Why he's so well known that he has to go out ot town to borrow money. mon-ey. IIIQlit In Ilia flnlm. "I say Mag, where'd youis get tbe toga? Youaa look dally," "Yrraee don't know a good thing when youaa aee It Deee Is my reception recep-tion doss. Thlr t'sa. Utile nnoch-1'aw. what are fools good for, anyhow? farmer Klintioek To teach us the results of blowln Into unloaded ahotguns. buyln' gold brlcka, gutxlln' pat nl medlclnee. Ilghl-ln' Ilghl-ln' tha Are with coal oil, goln' up in balloons, akatln" on thin lee, tryln t beat other people at their own garoea, Indnrsln' our frlenda' notea, thlnkln wo know It all, fllrtln' with grass widows, wid-ows, nnd so on nnd so forth, my aonl Puck. Willi a Diamond. IHhtl-Rhe'a tho belle of tbe hotel Ldward Yes, and tlioro'a twenty men anxious to ring her. I'ooxratulalril Itlinatlr, Ton. i Employer I congratulate you oa I that new baby of yours, lllgglna. I Illgglns Thank you, sir. I Kmployer And I have no doubt that 1 hereafter you will be waked up early enough mornings to get to the oSlce every day on tlmo. Homervllle Journal. Rho KatlanM. Captious Mother What do you want to marry that )oung man for? Ha doesn't know enough to set the world on Ore. Sensible 'Daughter Maybo not but he says he knowa enough to set tha kindling wood In tho kitchen range on fire. Sumervllle Journal. rngtUh as Mi Is Writ. Tho following notice waa lately affiled af-filed to n church door In Hertfordshire, and read In tho church: "This la to give notlco that no peraon la to be id burled In thla churchyard but those , 'A living In the pariah; and thoae who B wish to bo burled are desired to apply to the parish clerk." l'relliutnarr Inquiry. Citizen Oft'aberel can yon (hlc) tall mo where I (hlc) llvo? I'm (hlc) Councilman fllgboddy, you know. Olflccr What's ycr cook's name? Citizen Mary Ann (hlc) O'llrady. Officer Four streets down find two doors to ycr right (Ina Who la. Aunt Jane Do you think men are really capable, of loving with a deep and sincere affection? Aunt Hannah Aro they? You ought i to ceo my husband gloating ovor tha raro old bindings In bis library! -Chicago Tribune. galla a Dltreranoa, Mamma (to daughter) You should not play with your brother'a toy sor- I dlers; besides, you aro getting too old I to play with such toys. In Daughter I am not playing with tha m common soldiers, mamma. I am play- H Ing with tho officers. H Apprvtlatol tin Spirit. "What did Colonel Stllwell say about H tho brandled cherries we aent to cheer jD him when he waa convalescent?" H "Ha said he was afraid be waa not strong enough lo eat fruit," replied tbt D little girl, "but that ha appreciated the , B spirit In which It was sent" ' H Ai.olh.r MtV'l Walt, 9 Dingo I went Into the antique fur- H nlture dealer'a to get that Chlppen- a dale chair you admired ao much, and I he had Just sold It Mrs. Illngo How I unfortunate! XIr. Illngo Yea He said j It would he at least a week before be j could turn out another like It i Or !.! Ua llimt'l lion. f "They do not run for office In ay country," said tho man with the Hires '. Urltlah uccent "They stand for It" j "And here," said the proud Amerl- tl can, "they run for It nnd the people I havo to stand tor It" Indianapolis 1 Prcsa. I A Kindly Art, H rsnner afeeno Tbey any a bunkc- atccrer baa run off with Josh Madder's wlfel Farmer Drowne Ya-asl Josh says IE ho always knew them bunko-ateerara H wua good fellera at heart Judge. IB Not Ills r.nIL Jack'a Mamma Thera wera three slices of cake tn tha cupboard. Jack, and now there are only two, Horr does that happen? Jack It was so dark In there, mamma, mam-ma, that I didn't aeo the others. A Bur. Way. "How amiable your little boy tectaa tobo?" "Yes; we never object to anythlag tie wants to do." Dloomlngton Pantsr graph. t I t,., . B, |
