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Show at-- 'S'j- ' g "When t waa In Maine a week or two ago," said a commercial traveler. "I had occasion to visit n town near IJangor, and one morning, hiving an Idlo hour, 1, for tho toko of killing time, MrolM Into tho country courtroom, court-room, wh.ro I witnessed an amusing scene. Tbo trial Justice, a big, pompous pomp-ous oRlelal, with a voice Ilk. n trombone, trom-bone, took It upon himself to examine a witness, a little withers! old man, whose face was a red and wrinkled as a herring. "'What Is your name?' asked the Justice, "'Why, squire.' said the astonished witness, 'yoa know ray name as wall as I know your'n ' "'Nevsr yott mind what I know or what I don't knuw.' was the caution Clvcn. with magisterial severity. t atk tho question In my official capacity, capa-city, nnd you're bound to answer It under oath.' "With a contemptuous snort th. witness wit-ness ty hi nam. and th. questioning question-ing proceeded. "'Where do yon !oT' "'Wal. I swum!' ejnriilatcd the old man, 'Why,' he continued, appealing lo Ih. laughing lls'em -s, 'I've lire 1 In this town all my life, and so's he,' pointing to tho Jii'tbc. 'nn', btgosh, to hear blm go on you'd think' "'8llence'' thundered tho Iralo magistrate. mag-istrate. 'Ansncy my qurstlon or 111 fine )m fur con emrt of .ourt.' "Alarmed by the t r it tta witness nnmed his place of rmMoni'o and lbs examination went on " 'What Is your occupnllonT' "'Hugh!' " 'What do you do for a llvltgT' "'('b. r.t oit. swiii' Ji'tt as it ycu i'(,n t knew t' it I tend gardens la the tiimmcr season and saw wood winter." win-ter." "As n prlfte c'tl-cn I kow It, I) t a the inurt 1 inn not aup.iiied to I row an th' g nli-ut yuu.' expainol the p is.jIrliJK Jint'ro ""Wal njtilre' romnrhed the piix-xlrd piix-xlrd w linens, 'If y ill know sin rtul i" otttald. the rourtroim and don't know ncthln' In It you'd better get out an let somebody try this case that's got licss sens..' "Tho advlre may have keen goo I, but It cost the witness $10," Washington Wash-ington Star. noumn'l Mini (jnellonli7. Mrs. D Kant.r You said OU wore going to be detained at your oDce nil evening, but you weren't there. Now, whero wero you I MrDo Knjato-fanjliejtfann noinTouiKtlttniiioltwCOBIul really Mrs. Do Kantsr Why don't yoti answer an-swer my question? Mr. Do Kantsr My dear, I could answer our question If I wis sure you wouldn't question my answer. Philadelphia Phila-delphia Press, tort. Kkan'a Ailvlee. "Sometimes," said Undo Ebon, "ds wiitt rovengo ynh l.ln tako on do man 1st thinks ho knows It all U to tako Mm nt hla word an' Jea' let' Mm nlono to git mixed up In all do responsibilities responsibil-ities ho Lin grab." Washington Star. Brrnird rlt. They wcro talking of Plttaburg's crnaua statistics at the breakfast table. "Mamma," said Batnmy Snaggs,"who la It that takes the oenaus?" "Why.tho censor, of course, Sammy,' replied Mrs. Snaggs, without a moment's mo-ment's limitation. Plttsburs Chronl-clo Chronl-clo Telegraph. A Hgnror. "Didn't you tell mo Jlbborion was figuring prominently In politics?" "Well, ho Is. Ho Is away up. Ho Is writing political bets on tho blackboard black-board of a pool-room and uses a ladder lad-der ten feet high." Indianapolis Press. tattles wnil (laiits. "Did Patsy Car's mo geu'leman frlen'," Said aaucy Itoio McMcnomy; Whcrcut her rival, Salllo Glonn, Ilecamo her "lady enemy " Philadelphia Press. SHE WANTS TO KNOW. Tom N. Jerry What Is tho mojt curious thing you ever saw In the world? Otto D. Homo My wife. liar TfalshlMirly Ueolproclty. "How Uo you like your now neighbor. neigh-bor. Mile. Way?" "Not at all Sbo'a awful stingy. Why, sho borrowed our tack hammor and a nutmeg early last week, but when I went over yesterday to nrj: her to lend mo (3 to pay on the rent .ho said sho dlln't have It to spare. Wasn't that aoull?" Philadelphia Philadel-phia Telegraph Tlio rteot Thlnr, & Wllh the aid of a powerful micro- cope wo regarded the ptomaine In i the Ice cream steadfastly. "You are I extremely ugly!" wo observed. "01 cooreel" replied th ptomaine. "DM r you ever see a genuine Isdy killer that ' wwn't wore or less ugly?" To b t perfectly candid but why speak of this? Detroit Jonrnal. - i RI2PUSBD TO nit FOILED, Gladys Kanbca (queen of opera) The Jewels I reported stolen have been fJiind T'ley wcro mer-ly mislaid. Hemlock Holme (klnr doteetlves) I'm very sorry, midim, hut on ot tha five men I arretted his Just eon-b eon-b used to tnklns; tho Jcwc's. Now rontery 1'ttaato. When a man with warm blood In his vi Hs botomrn a father he takes deil;,t in the mlaihlif f bis off-opiiiK, off-opiiiK, even though ho bo called upon to ilw Inline then under tho scrlptn-lal scrlptn-lal rmpo that spirrn nut tlio rod. 'Ihls ono Is from a stvd exmplar of good , Linr.ila and good cltlr. lalilp In De-tirlt, De-tirlt, and a mi t .kio ih'ik Li always al-ways caihcd without th. formality ot loakinu up bis at ouut. "Th. Ilttlo rascal Is only 4." lis chuckled, "built like a prls. tighter, too; but h. lias uu of these three-story three-story hendj and an Imagination that Just gela to going and puis him In a world ot Ills own. "We took him along on an outing of six wctlta this summer and tbat lull lu-ll shaver reported moro rallroid wrecks and mare disasters by walor than havo actually occurred In the JLttt.)Wi lls'd come running to oyallirltomontTniiUrnlptTnllle aE. bo was "routing tliesoTwful ealamltlsxag1 - asjSS1 . Tbo sound of n Ioeomullo whlttlo or - tho sight of another boat was enough to set him colnn and It did not take three minutes to kilt off a few scars of Lis fellow-btlngs. "I concluded that I ahould sbeck B this Inclination. This conviction sclxed mo Just as wo had scttlod down In a quiet little resort whero a chicken was tho mnst ferocious thins In slghL llio first day In the forenoon ha cam lushing In, out at breath but full ot talk. "'Papa,' he shouted ' n wnttlosnak chased mo for twenty miles,' "Here was an opportunity for th Ant lesson. I told him that there were no rattlesnakes anywhere near us and Impressed upun him tho wickedness wicked-ness ot lying. When I saw tern In his eyes I flattered myself upon the Impression Im-pression I bad mnde. I felt prouder still when he squnred his Ilttlo shoulders should-ers and looked to mo as I thought Washington looked In tho cherry-Ire episode. "'Now, George,' 1 ntked, sternly, 'did a rattlesnnke cbaso ou?' "'No, papa; It waa n gnlaly bear.'" Detroit Proo Trees. A float Uf In lloitoo. "Did you hear about Q reck root t They claim ho Is leading a doubl llfo!" "Sacred codfish! What proof have they?" "Ho woa overheard talking In hla alccp. "Yes, yea." "And ho mado two grammatical errors!" er-rors!" Cloveland Plain Dealer. Tha Itlalik "Dy what right," thundered the com. mlttee of congress, "do you presume to make money?" "Our charter," replied tbo Standard Oil company, "permits ua to make nil kinds ot lubricants and money is the lubricant commonly used for political machines " Tho committee waa profoundly Impressed Im-pressed by this subtlety. Puck. Irony, "We are Just holding a love feast," said young Mr. Linger, audaciously to Mr. Trlsple, when that father ot an engaged daughter puta hla head In tho parlor doorway at 11:35 p. m. "I thought It must bo a protracted moetlng," said the old gentleman as he withdrew. Harper's Dazar. Sho la Taking lllika. Towton la your daughter a finished musician? Yorkrode Not yet, but the neighbors neigh-bors nro making threats. Daltlmor American. H l'elio from Chlua. H "The Jape seem to have made soms H wonderful charges." H "Yes; I paid 16.9D for that Satsum H teapot "Cleveland rialn Dealer H |
