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Show - 0 ODIi BUDGET OF FUN. SOME GOOD JOKES. ORIGINAL AND SELECTED. lumirK lapariMl QomiIm AS A llni MU UiWlal A Boliuta M Pm4 A llapit CAU4. Iairlot An ga.tloa. A North Omaha Sunday s bool superintendent ala ay conduct the lesHe spend son review tn hi school About five minutes In explaining lli dee son, and then ask ''Noa, baa any one a question to Last Sunday be explained tbe A member of tbe hoys' junior class raised his hand askWell, what Is your ed tbe superintend! nt Please, sir, nre we going to have a picnic this summer? 'Omaha World Herald. que-tion- A Stnifla ?" Hold. The millionaire lobbyist rejected tbe suitor for hi hand. "Never, mind. said tbe calmly, aa be picked up bad rudely daughters young man bis ha . p-i- L4 Aa, The soft tissues of the orPtoper y gan cua be molded tn early life. A tkick uose can be made thinner by rvgulai treatment, such aa compressi- dally, either with the fingers with instruments made airings and padded ends so a to clasp tie Do-- e A clothes pin has been used, ad so adjused as to bring about the right amount of compression. Many noses are wrung and twisted out of by the vigorous use of the The delicacy of the btndkt r hlof sfruct ne of the nose Is not appreciated (ouimciita the Bazar Shape aad s ie oT the nose are often of a character to cause great distress to PWsons The importance of tbe nose it Us rt lation to appearance has been apprei lated by the modern surgeon sad he does not regard it aa beneath hi dignity to perform operations for the improvement of this feature. Noees which are naturally misshapen and those which have been made so by blows and accidents are restored or modified to assume a proper shape. Persona do not hesitate to spend time, money and much endurance to have their teeth straightened, it la oft'fen ai Important to the health and more Important to the looks to have the nose straighten) d or to have It changf J to a more desirable form. ng Vsm. f The doctor said he couldn't do anything for my rheumatism unless 1 drop out of my rainy day club" club "What does your rainy-da- y do?" dress up in our suits and "Why, run around In the rain, of oursa." Indianapolis Journal Lons A "Bixby called me a liar lait night" "Did you knock him down" "I struck at him, but my blow fell short." Couldn't" reach him eh "Nop It wss over the long distance phone" Cleveland Plain Dealer. will see you later "Not If I see you first," said tbe lobbyist coarsely. "You will have to see me," eaid the youth. riiean by that? "What do you snarled tbe old schemer "t mean," said the youth calmly, "that 1 have every assurance that 1 will be elected to the next legislature, and you know it is going to be a reform body," man quailed before Then tbe r him. Cleveland Plain Dealer. Bar AkssSmaws) t Ittlhan "Well, my wife has decided to juy a'-: an Easter hat that hasn't a bird or a feather on it" Muriel "Granny, Is It a very narrow Good! She has joined the Audupath that leads to heaven? bon Society? Granny "Yea, darling; straight and "Oh. no. She picked out this hat narrow." very because it was the most expensive ons Muriel "How will yon manage, they had granny Bpear. Ttmee-Heral-- rThs i, Anthar Kai I I Bk Atmophr SUB. Hows that?" W TW V Hi- CtuMisj .u fei have separated, nan ber forehead. The Pool That waa a case of spot cash. Kansas City Independent. Ne Inter tight baa bghtened up my heaven. No second morn has ever shone for me. AU my life s bliss from thy dear life was given, All my life's bliss is In th grave Wtth thee. Tbwy - said he had -- to a quarter ot million on, WU rlU settle eldest daughter because of a mole on fillet What was the trouble? He WranleJ to " hams the baby after ber, but' she Insisted on naming it after the sleeping car they took tbeir bridal trip on. New York Press. " Gilson Ber FrnfcMnocv Mabel always said she would never marry any but a professional man. And baa shs fulfilled ber desire? Yea. Her husband la Prof. He has an educated goat and a trained monkey that he exhibits on the stage. Chicago Ttmee-HeralThld-Cleto- ( ChMreS. Rev. Mr. Goodman. Are you aware, istr, that you are on the downward path? Boakley Shay, sat so? Thash good 1 wash fraid mebby I mirht be on the way to get sent up. Chicago Times Herald. 1 tare Thing. II LmIi Lika It I think my landlord must be a chess player," said Dinwiddle to Vaa Bream. What makes you think that? He told me It waa my move." Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegrap- h. n. d. , and young, great and small alike Its convenience to others IT wearing it themselves. The one we illustrate is an especially pretty form with a sailor collar and deep pointed 014 rtcommend Cold tn vhe earth, utid fifteen wild Decembers, From those brown hills have melted Into spring. Faithful, Indeed, Is the spirit that remembers After su h jeers of change and along Other desires and other hopes beset me. Hopes which obscure, but cannot do thee wrong! - The- - Friend - Now, when alone, do my thoughts no longer hover Over the mountains on that northern shore. Resting their wings whers hapth and fern leaves cover Thy noble heart fur ever, evermore? A Color Mlstoro. "Whata that? said the onlooker, pointing to the Baring crimson page of h newspaper. Oh, thats the red badge of yelaald the Cheerful Idiot New low, York Commercial Advertiser. ComrUrIUu. suppose you will vote according to your conscience In this matter? T will, answered Senator Sorghum. "And my conscience tells me that it la always wrong to waste good money. Washington Star. 1 But, when the days of golden dreams had perished. And even despair was powerless to de- stroy. Then did I learn how existence could be cherished. Strengthened and fed, without 4he aid ef joy. Then did I check the tears of useless passion Weaned my young soul from yearning after thine; Sternly denied Its burning wish to hasten Down to that tomb already tnore than mine. rerera ta the front This collar and revert are made of velvet or some contrasting material and may ba finished by machine stitching or trimmed with braid or applique work. The waist la made with a seamless back, coat and dip fronts sleeves. It may be fastened in the front or left open, as Illustrated Two yards 44 inchee wide, with three-quarteof a yard of velvet for collar and revere, will make this jacket for a miss of medium size. the two-seam- ed rs tablespoonful of vinegar for twenty minutes; place again In cold water to Out the hlanchl remove the fibers. brains In small pieces and pour over them a poulette sauce which Is made of a pint of white sauce made with Beat four yolks wtth a white stock. cupful of cream. Remove the sauce ranoj.rwphs, from the fire and add It slowly to the When du bulldog Bandy Pikes mS and ream, stirring all the time. grabbed" me 1 fought of Je kalseis Tut It again on the flr a moment to Whit is new play. Pellucid Pete Add thicken, but do not let it boil. dat? Bandy Dikes. ("Why. De Iron one tablespoonful of butter slowly, a Toof. " vmall piece t time, the Juice of half "What is Lenten discipline, Incls Fill a lemon, a dash of cayenne. Obed? Tauten dt&'lpiine la atvidnal paper cases with the mixture tempting to make Somebody else g've end place on the top one large broiled up a bad habit and finding out that ni iiihroom. you can't " sparagus soup Two bundles of to I've dear! Grill "Oh. sung Jrs, green asparagus, one quart of white ls Sir Bernard Bullion, I be this baby for an hour, and she hasn't Footpad nock, one pint of cream, three Mr Grill gtoppei crying yet of butler, three of flour, one liever Sir B. B. "You have the advantage "Probably she has been waiting tor Cut the tope onion, aalt and pepper. you to stop. of me, sir." The King. bunch of the asparagus and one from Ostend'Ta, hat any one ever Incook twenty minutes la salted water Pa a perpetual motion? vented Tbe remainder of the asupkloM to cover. n You know Jack mar "Yea, -- my auaJ- - Da Lend Who. pa? cook twenty minutes la the paragus tied a wealthy girl whose friends gave ja Why the man that etartel tbe Cut the onion Into stock. of and the number of the-- e coats mt eras- quart Slices and fry in the butter ten Philippine war. her TOO bridal presents thin Dorothy "Yea; what of It? ' i;v I do wish we wero ed the ame pi ill inlos,j the (.wt,! minutes," being careful not to burn; Hcw rich would and it mif-- t bi l.lf'iiti. even rich. PorothvLPu "He's started a department atore by the add the asparagus that has been most ctikU tbit t oj ere grace? , fur then la the stock. Cook five iqln-- 1 you like to be ADorothy "Oh, awChicago Record. iMje4 fully rich; rich jqough to snub reople the slender r.a cu' r f0r n gtirrlng constantly; then add ' and still be called agreeable. misses and u ChMriM tkH(MIa i ' lie 'niand cook five minutes longer. must have been changed "Gaea Jingle "Sny, Old man, can't you pay one we lllus'i ,c(. ls t a r p .. fria mixture into th boiling this Trll me that $10 you've owed me for a possible, with s n . in the cradle." buk end clou- -' .Y boil gently twenty minutes. nd It would be a pleasonv nt on ii coat year?" Jingle Why? through sieve, add the Cream, ! ure!" Jingle W Jangle Tve never had any change slnee at w hech has just Colne to s boH, sod xlsq TeevenOriV But Ive denied myself all pleasand a qm-- er ,Cleveland Plain Dealer. yard- - m , ssparagus heads. Season with salt Inches wide, wUl n. eke this coat fJr! ure during Dent!" Jones-VCurrts aa awful unfortumiss of 14 yca-- s The VlM f Emt. Jackson to Muchcash 'That Mis fellow" nate , Epson They say A single wild tribe of western InJones Yea; he snores so loud that has rented s fiat. ' Arivlr to Mofher.. 1 kind of veges,B forty-on- e dians Downes (oat of the rejected) Only hs always wakes the baby, then the ,bov1'1 rre for the nose, of absolutely uuknowi art which tables he m wakee exed him the children and see tbv Curry, rented? I heard abed baby cries so loud he to the majority of each. Kansas City Independent thav haa to walk together. f f In-,- 1, table-t-poonfu- -- y t rS $ Spell pbenakistoseope and kmll Or take some simpU work as (hilly. Or gauger or the garibu lily. To spell such words as syllogism. an synchronism. And 1 And Pentateuch and saohar.ue, Apocrypha and teladine, Jepnine and homeopathy, Paralysis and chloroform. Rhinoceros and pamyderm, I hear a girl's voice saying Metempsyi hosts gheikins, basque, you must not play Is certainly no easy task And keep the marbles that you w n Kaleidoscope and Tennessee, What will mamma say Kamchatka and erysipela?, Oh, replies young Tommy, with a And etiquette and cassafras. happy smile. Infallible and ptyalism As he adds more marbles to his growAllopathy anil rheumatism, ing pile, And cataclysm and beleaguer. we re all "Nobodys Twelfth, eighteenth, rendezvous, infair. triguer, And I m almost certain mamma wouldAnd hosts of other words all found n't care. On English and on gio ind Eo the game continues Tommy Thus, Behring Straits and M.chaelmss, is winning. Thermopvlae jalap Havana, And he never questions whether he Is . Cinquefoil and ipecacupnht sinning. And It tppahannoc k Shenandoah. And Schuylkill and a thousand more. Tommys luck Is changing, and the Are words some piime good spellers happy smile m'ss Leaves his faie as quickly as the mar- In dictionary Ian hke this bles leave his pile Nor need one thum hims If a rroyle. Now the game IS ended, and he to nits If some of these his IT irts foil the cost Nor deem lumstlf undone fo-- r er. Crockeries, bibs and agates, all, oh, all To miss the name of either rice-Th- e are lost' Dueiper, Seine or Guadalquivir. "Give me batk my marbles'" Tommy 1 ' c wildly weeps "Mamma sajs Its wicked when you play for keeps Th. Early lilrda. After a long winter many of us are too impatient for spring to wait for the swelling of the buds the opening of tbe early flowers and the springing of the grass Several weeks lie between the end of winter and the truly genial spring days, pnd dlfllng this Interval we look for something to herald the settled spring season. And the thing which gives us that for which we are unconsciously looking, more than all , other is the arrival ef the birds. Almost any warm day In early March we may hear a thin, clear tsssss in a high piping hey, and on looking up, see from one to five black birds, about the size of orioles, flying in a strange undulating manner some up and some down, with the wings held close to their sides during the "drop in their s. flight They are The flock may swirl Into the top of a tree and sit close together It this happens within eyeshot, stop and watch them for a moment. One Qr two of the males are almost certain to utter the ridiculous song of the species, whicn, like that of their relatives, the grackles, is accomplished by the most grotesque of actions. The bird spreads Its wings to their utmost, spreads and elevates the tall, stretches Its neck upward and forward, and then, quivering and tottering, nearly falls forward off the perch. The mellow flute notes of the meadow-lar- k float to us from the middle of eome large, open Held, and are among the most beautiful bits of bird music we ever hear. They are not to be represented by notes, and can only be most Inadequately described. There is great variation in the sequence of notes, but all are beautifully clear aad ringing, and have a decided tinge ot what would be sadness If It were not so sweet. The bird Alee In a very characteristic manner, never raising the wings above the plane of the back, and when seen below the horizon linp always shows the white feathers in the tall. His saffron breast and black breastmark seldom show on the living birds and ths mottled brown back Is a wonderful safeguard against his many overhead enemies Along the banks of some lake or stream, sitting idly on a telegraph pole or wire, rising and settling, elevating and depressing his iohg, parted topknot, a patriarchal old kingfisher may be seen silently awaiting the gleam of a shiner in the water below Or perhaps, you may first see him flying like a big woodpecker, screaming his chattering cry, high In the air, or scaling perilously close to the water under tne fringing hemlock branches that overhang the stream. His large size, ate-blue back, loud notes and characteristic flight make him a hard bird to mistake Louis Agassiz Feurtes In Cornell Nature Leaflet. cow-bird- Cohenateln engagemen der ring? Isaac No, she aald diamonds hat gone Up. but she vould gift me vut I bald for 1L" Puck. ' Con slg-u.-- And, even yet, I dare not let tt languish. Ow Cook'iic Reboot. Dare not Indulge In memorj s rapturous pain. canapes Spread thin pieces Anchovy Once drinking deep of that dtvlnest anof toast an inch and a half wide and guish, How could I setk the empty world three long with anchovy paste, sprinagain? kle with finely chopped hard boiled Emily Bronte. Allow two pieces for each peregg. Tseng ctlrl's Roe Coat. son, and serve with a quarter of a When the faddlbta began wearing lemon. the box coat the general public looked dak Calvee brains a la poulette ask slice, but a the season advanced the brains for sn hour In cold water; then simmer in water containing a Flli-Jackso- Aki( IJerry little urchins, full of fun and noise. Not a care or trouble Happy lime boys' Through my open window, summer nreeze straj ing. Brings the shouts of school boys with their marbles playing Watch the little fellow, hear him gaily Jtbt, He is very lucky, winning from the rent. v Misses Ftoe darks). The Eton jacket Js the Jacket of the Its use has become universal. spring sur-rerin-gr He spends lt alt before ho goto home." Cleveland Plain Dealer. jWS- IlfiMilbbninrfi. (Old Kavorite Seri' ) Cold In the earth, arid the deep snow piled dime I bee, Far, far removed, cold in the dreary grave1 Have 1 forgot, my onl Love, to love thee. all severing Severed t las by Time wave i( with "Ah, yea," sighed the girl, he works in sn atmosphere vrf art." "I should think from the smell of his clothes, her mother answered, that be works In n atmosphere of Sweet Love of youth, forgive. If I forget thee iobacoo smoke." Chicago Times-IIer-alWhile the worlds tide Is bearing m Stlmson Is a man." .. "Why sot Hs's got a wsy of keeping his wlfs from going through his pockets for -loose change. A apM'lltC Test. i rd correctly you can spell every In the fol'owlng rhyme-- . all legitimate expressions y ou wav louslder yourself qualified to enter a spelling bee Stand up, ye spel'e!--- . now and spell It 1 Thn askr Th. Early Bads of Sprtac A S U, begin t hUdrfio horn. Prnu 9boall to Tksli K ding Am AwIwiiI mUsm CbUd'R Cbart. . Tks liMwKinO rrliMi Ite too had, deah boy, that so tn onslderate " prince "In what way, old chap "lies a grandfather, dont you know, for the third time How can he expect us to Inmate 'btm to that wldicloua extent don t you know? Cleveland Plain Dealer les- son as usual, dwelling at length on Its chief thoughts, and wound up with "the usual question "Now, has sny one a question to SOME GOOD STORIES FOR OUR JUNIOR READERS, rect and persistent push wtil accomplish. "Thats right lfls wife told me that tbe other c y be pushed tbe baby eart Into tbe gutter and tipped tbe baby uuL" Cleveland Plain Dealer. ak?" and by by some member reading aloud, some teing made the possessor of much discussed book But the who e matter summed up is that If we wish to make the greatest possible use o w literature Ifi the work of education, do must begin where most good things at away back In cbWdhood FOR BOYS AND GIRLS. A I'M "That man Swipaey doesn't teem to be able to get into bia head wbat di- -l- Prntt Iltp Tour Childra Long ago when the first child was small, juvenile books were few in the home, but a child's paper was subscribed for and its pages read to the little one long before they could read Its weekly coming was themselves. looked forward ttf with a pleasure equal to that with whi'h a new book in daintiest binding Is welcomed now, and we believe that the taste now erinced by the grown up children of this family dates from the days when their mother interpreted the mysterious printed pages to their childish When these children could minds. monthly paper and aa occasion al book provided their much-prize- d reeding material, we believe that the very scarcity of such matter made it Now their more highly appreciated. collection of books is larger, hut the younger ones are encouraged to read by The interest the plder ouea display. Rt Aaeutln. Florida. Here is something "Dear Friends aboit a Florida city The houses la are built of coquina. St Augur-tincalled Anastasia, There is an It which has a lighthoube on it called Ponce de Leon's barber pole. It Is striped red and white They call it that because a Spaniard by that name hunted there for a fountain that ths Indians told him about They said therewas a magic fountain, and that if any man would drink out of U b would become well and strong forever. In the middle of the city there is a building called the old stone mTke. where they used to sell slaves. Thera f One are three principal hotels. them is named the Ponce de Leon. It has 375 rooms in It The next i tbs Cordova, and the next is the Alcazar. They are each built around a court. There are beautiful palm trees by th There-er-a al flowers hotels. fruits there also. There Is a maa in St. Augustine who has a lot of tame He hds taught a crane Se birds dance. Sometimes if he feels in the humor for it he wilt dance for company. g ' Josephine Holloway (8 years old). "Kirkland School, Chicago." 1 and-tropic- A ChUT little girl ChtrlUblt Id. a In Dublin has thought of a bright plan for doing good Sh has suggested that every child in the United. Kingdom by the name of Dorothy, which is her own pretty name, of A course, shall contribute one shilling toward ths establishment of a child's bed in a certain hospital. This suggestion has already met with enthusiasm by many children,' and the Dorothy fund will probably be more than enough for tbe purpose Intended. The proposal of thl little girl hoe awakened Interest in other children also, and Mary and "Marjorie collno-tion- a have also been started, with indications of future success. This Is a good thought and worthy of attention, and the little girl who first proposed It has doubt'esa started a plan that will be far reaching In its result. Y out hul Dipldmaef. The grocery man on the corner re- -' lates that a couple of days ago a little girl enteied his emporium and timidly laying down a dime asked for 10 cents worth of candy Its for papa, she said. "I want te sprise him when he comes home. The grocery man proceeded to dig out some of his stock, wnn the little girl interposed Dont give me that kind. Give me caramels. 1 just love caramels "But I thought rhese were for papa," the grcce'v man remarked "I know " explained tne little girl, "but when 1 give them to papa hell just kiss me and sav thit 'cause Im such a generous little girl he'll give them all bac k to me So you'd better give me caramels 'Memphis Scimitar. TTt tlny lie. little mortals, i, " No harvest for those Who waste ihtir be4 hours - In slothful repose. Come out, corn- - out, to the morning All bright things be!un And hsten a whie and listen a while To th honev b( Merriy sinzo-- busily winging. Indust i) ever its own reward bringing. Barry Cornwall. Aake, g, g One day the teacher told little Mary when she was reading and saw two ' o's" or two "es or two Ttm that to. gether. or anj two she should call them double n, 4ouble e, double t and the like Mary has a very good memory, eo the next day when tbe saw the line up. up. high flies the -iheTead ItTItou Me up Bias the bill ' |