Show EVERYBODY HAS A CURE basl ST you ni sea if he A I 1 tin arum lr Um the street car strikes were making life a sort of sleepless burden to the police force of lie big jovn cap tom reilly rolled one into his narrow bed in tho thirtieth street police station after twenty sternly hours of patrol duty he atas hoarse ach ing in every limb and completely worn out when tho electric bell awoke him again for the dog watch at 6 the next morning ho started to jump out of bed but fell back with a groan and a sharp twinge of pain shooting through his foot sergeant beard the groan and knocked at the door to nod out what the matter was the captain limped across the room and unbolted the door great heavens max he cried in trepidation ive got he gaui but for sake dont give it away ill be the butt of the jokes ot the whole department if it leaks out gout retorted the sergeant a sort of incredulity nonsense you got any gout efow the thunder could you gel il ive got il sure persisted the commander of the tenderloin J had a pain in my big toe just now that made me a sure symptom he seized his dumb bells mechanically to go through his usual morning exercise he lifted his right hand to hia chest before he let go of the dumb bell with another groan gosh there it is in my arm he cried ouch how that did hurt a pretty sort of gout sergeant said with a smile why youve got muscular rheumatism what ails you take a russian bath tonight to night and a good sweat and it will be all out of your muscles in the morning the captain had been lucky enough never to have had a touch of rheumatism in his life before thanks to his custom of regular morning cser sise with the dumb bell and his dock stork daily rounds of patrol duty readily took his Sere ants advice and went into a russian bath the intermittent twinge in his big kiy with this alarming of gout had been entirely driven afaf when be awoke at fi after being all night at the bath but periodic ebarp wrenches of muscular pain abill disabled his right arm whenever he attempted to raise it to his shoulder this pain was there the next day and the day after too forcing upon him the unpleasant conviction that hia ailment really was rheumatism sometimes it was so bad that he make entries in his report bloaters blotters bl otters without causing pain id shoot back and forth from his angers to his shoulders ex alderman cavanagh a county democracy leader came into the elation just as one shooting pains paralyzed paralysed tho captains hand the ex alderman was sympathetic instantly when he heard it was rheumatism dont worry about that cap he said 1 I know a remedy that never fails to knock rheumatism out you just rub the arm with kerosene when you go to bed and wrap it up in cotton batting and ill bet a quart bottle that your rheumatism will be gone inside of two days at the outside the captain doverd himself with kerosene and bundled himself in batting that night and tumbled into bed HH arm perspired a good deal and felt nice and warm but the old pain stuck fast just the game capt ed and detective heidelberg dropped in for a social visit upon the fact that the captains right arm seemed laid up copt reilly explained he trouble in a nettled tone he was getting out of patience with the persisted grip of the rheumatism pshaw nothing to speak of exclaimed capt jovially why dont you bathe your arm in turpentine cure it in a jiffy what cures me and it knocked riots out rheumatism when it got a grip on his chest last winter BO chimed in heidelberg corroboratively its a splendid remedy and its inexpensive besides j just a week had gone by since the captain tried turpentine out budging the pesky pain in hs arm when he sud suddenly deily found liyim belf the victim of a new aggravation that was if anything a little hit worse than the rheumatism itself he had unwittingly got into the brain distracting predicament that befalls about every man who has friends and who in an unguarded moment to them that he has lie matter with him politicians policemen hotel men merchante actors managers and citizens of every deschi tion overwhelmed him with free BuggeE tiona were dead burc to annihilate lia dating ailment every man he met became a page out of the pharmacopoeia bristling with weird and wonderful wonder tul curative formulas coc resolved itself with unfailing certainty into one monotonous upon tha cure of he tried at the of an eminent specialist without relief painted hia arm with iodine until he like an indian tried several kinds afif horse liniment and listened wearily for about the two hundred and timo to the glowing praised of the hoodoo curative pow era of a home cheel hut carried in the pocket when finally one night into theatre to try the temporary relief of music on a perturbed end rheumatic col mccall pid him and pulled liviu into hn coey little offida in llie theatre bolby here bouve got rheumatism captain lie said in a kindly tone hijii thing rheumatism now ill tell you what my mother used to t y when I 1 was a youngster cured my like boadie you get three big nutmegs nut megs buro a hole them string on a cord and lie them around your neck when you go to bed and be a well man the nutmegs absorb the in some mysterious way get out colonel died ben irreverently that receipt is old enough to have cured old roan noah iu the ark but it wont do fur modern tunes ill tell yon oni ething better than that cap it worked in my own ataee surprisingly you lake lialja squeeze the juice into a flaat and drink it down keep this up regularly three times a day and youre cured it seems that the able to withstand the attacks of the acid the captain hurried down the theatre steps to the street only to run plump into tammany brave george lyon isay cap said the young politician plaintively did you ever try st ja the captain at the tarn man ite av abely and turning on his h eel fled down thirtieth street before lyon could finish he struck a fresh remedy before he had been hi the station hou o half au hour it caroe from the public school trustee george betler say cap the jolly german said if you want to get rid of that rheumatism you spoke about just you carry a raw potato in your pocket until it hardens it will gel hard as a rock after a while and just as goon as it docs your rheumatism will be all gone it sounds incredible but ita true the stared at bid friend in a weary way and sank back into a slumber that was full of nightmare and rheumatic agony he found sergeant paddy lane the police fisherman at the station house desk when he awoke bagged fagged out he quickly exercised with his left arm and a single dumb bell for ten minutes and then the ser ekaut inquired about his superiors disabled arm the captain who biad changed off for two days to a remedy that consisted of bathing it with a solution made up of one part of oil of sassafras to four parts 01 alcohol caid that it felt a little more comfortable but it bothers me considerably still he added mournfully ave got a remedy if consent to try it that will fetch that arm around in a twinkling the sergeant said just tie an around your arst when you go to bed every night and it will make a new man of you say paddy cried the captain petulantly dont be a blamed diot tina any monkey business alie sergeant respectfully its a genuine and well cure you go down anywhere on abe jersey coast and ask the asher anu lives would be one wild agony of rheumatism if it for cealius Lius if jm not telling you the truth find nailed up to the hut doors all along the down there that afternoon tho suggestion was followed up by an en thusia by capt connor of the efficacy of holding the rheumatic arm up over the head and allowing cold water to run down over the affected muscles several additional references were made to the value of chest nuts and incidentally another friend drew abe captain to one side and confidentially extolled the virtues of tobacco juice thoroughly into the muscles later on patrolling broadway Bro away the captain was startled ly nn boes i despatch coming toward him at a swinging gait was alie sturdy figure of a well known city contractor the captain could scarcely believe his eyes lie teen alie contractor for six months at tho last meeting the latter hob bled painfully nud slowly on two crutches crutch ts his feet being so crip pled with that he move a step without crutches here was ocular a sure cure that could not be disputed i tho captain hurried forward say old bay lie cried chos your doctor ive got rheumatism myself now and I 1 want to get rid of it the mau who could cure a cripple like you u abe roan im looking for 1 I go to any doctor re the contractor contra clor 1 cured my self somebody od me to put powdered sulphur in my shoes I 1 did it and here I 1 am as a dollar again and lively aa a two year old the captain with the exultation of a liopo ill try that didgo myself slay be cure tae tuo anil he ditl try it for four days he poured powdered sulphur into hia shoes every mornice when he got up and nil day long it made ha feet ably hot all the lime bat relieve the arm a whit finally it got to be so uncomfortable that tho captain was forced to abandon the cure as be had all the rest he had fallen back pito the of despair anew when boniface turned iu a promenade with lh cheering news that lie had heard of bome thing entirely new for that wim couched vouched lor by friends who to give him a tip yett abiud the captain dubious ly wilh languid resignation replied boniface braslin you go out wllie they keep bet beta a and have juit one anund wild the acca marquia that will ninke iho leea hopping mad and of course you like fury but dout that lia junt where tho remedy comes in you go to the doctor and have the extracted from ha wouida and your rheumatism will be extracted along with it A friend of rays ibal i you dont want tu afi ninny acm a cm abt lime t hell have he bilth a mexican wasp its sling has all lic power aud curative virtue ofa whole hive of ordinary bees thank said llie captain but with a marked lack of gratitude in his tone im much obligee but I 1 any beba and dont know M here to buy a mexican wap well of course if thala tho case replied sir bierlin sadly my suggestion wont do you much good the captain thought hotel keeper breslin was poking fun at him but both the bee and the wasp cure homemade home made acme dies all the came and they been tried ao esteemed out of town contemporaries of ahe sim avert the mexican wasp suggestion however proved the proverbial last straw in the capteina case lie resolved that lie would tell hia wife all about the trouble before any more frienda git a chance to talk rheumatism remedies he had concealed his until then 16 spare her fie linga he bat down when he went home to supper abil made a clean breast things ho had tried on hia arm and told of the multitude of bilings he tried including alic mexican well what a goose you are to be sure his wife said alien 0 wound up the list with jim brea lina flamboyant prescription why you tell me before and id have had dial arm in ing order in n 0 time then she sent out and got agomo mustard oil and anointed the aching muscles mustard oil is an east indian remedy that somebody in calcutta who developed rheumatism unexpectedly discovered and gaet ohis fellow euf ferera ilia described aa being a little bit hotter than blazes it was the last of nearly three months of experimental remedies when he had tried it ft week good nature onca more beamed in the captaine Cap taina eyes and handsome face commissioner voorhis noticed of the captains manner when he visited the station house last week hows that rheumatic arm he asked splendid the gap tain said the pain h almost all gone I 1 tell you theres nothing like in your wife you know what the poet says about pain and anguish and ministering angels there any pain and anguish around that can give points to rheumatism the ministering angel part of the household comes in strong when it catches hold of you you can bet I 1 feel like a new man there is one thing that this experience has taught roe I 1 never knew before that remedies for rheumatism bound to cure every time are more numerous than anything else in the universe excepting visibly pi sibly alio llio milky way I 1 have discovered that it is the only ailment which alien anybody gets it hii friends never suggest that ho bould consult a professional ional physician about |