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Show Ifni.Phillipr THAT MILLION-FOR-HITLER OFFER Mr. Samuel Harden Church, The Carnegie Institute, Pittsburgh, Pa. ' Dear Samuel: I have read your offer of a million smackers for the capture of Adolf Hitler and in reply I would state that the proposition Interests me. But I do not like the way you emphasize empha-size the part about his being caught "alive, unwounded and unhurt." What about me? However, it is a novel idea and the most original business proposal of a decade. I know of no cash offer of-fer like it since the depression and it is good to know there is a man in this country who knows where to get a million dollars these days. For that much money there are people peo-ple who would do anything. The big drawback is that Hitler has got such a big start, and I don't think it sporting to limit the offer to May. This is pretty short notice for grabbing grab-bing a guy who has been on the loose so long, and besides, May is a hard month for the capturing business busi-ness on account of the birds and bees and little green things furnishing furnish-ing so much distraction from any pursuit. Could you extend the time through June? CAPTUBtO AUVtVlTtC And are you serious about the "undamaged, unwounded and unhurt" un-hurt" clause in your spring offer? Are you willing to stretch a point? I mean would it be okay if Adolf is brought in with a little mouse over one eye or with a lock of his hair missing? It would be a helluva note if I catch him and you rule the capture illegal just because he says that his back hurts him or something. Who is going to judge whether he is hurt or not? I want a good referee ref-eree as I have a hunch that Adolf will do a lot of squawking when he finds himself in Pittsburgh in a "Million "Mil-lion Dollar Thirty Days Only Contest," Con-test," and he may insist that he is in terrible condition instead of being undamaged and as good as new. In fact I think you should stretch a point and say that if he is warped a little in transit the cash offer will still stand. And about the idea of trying him. I do not want any part of that If I deliver him it is up to you and Pittsburgh to run the trial. I am taking no c&snces on trials. All he would have to do would be to get a good lawyer to say that he wasn't quite clear mentally. Then there would be the old business of getting get-ting the psychiatrists to ask him a lot of questions and then report he was clearly a victim of the fact his folks made him eat lettuce without with-out sugar in his boyhood or something. some-thing. He would get put on probation proba-tion and in no time would be on the loose again. So I want the cash on delivery, Sam. Let me hear further details from you soon. Yours, Elmer TwitchelL P. S. What are you offering this week for Mussolini? ALL DONE BY MIRRORS' "The New York police department today began distributing leaflets inscribed in-scribed "A healthy driver is a safe driver' in a campaign to keep down auto accidents. "The health of a motorist is an important consideration considera-tion in any safety drive.' said Police Commissioner Valentine. "There are many accidents' caused by sudden illness.' "News item. Apple sauce! Alse bassenpfef-fer, bassenpfef-fer, baloney and bunk! A healthy driver Is not necessarily a safe driver; we have been chased up alleys by some of the healthiest drivers in existence and knocked for a goal by drivers who were notably in the pink. FAT GIRL: 1940 You'll get thinner by and by. If on a diet you plan to sup. Meanwhile let them laugh at you; Chins up, little lady, chins upl Richard Avedon. Comedian Jack Haley's definition of Yale is "a period between a change in voice and a job as an insurance in-surance salesman." DAYLIGHT SAVING CHAOS Today at timetables I stare, And find a train that won't be there; It's where it ain't the trainmen say I guess I will not go awayl ADD SMILES As individual as the way a person opens a boiled egg. As shabby looking as your old shoes when you are trying on a new pair. As long-winded as credit titles in movie. Wallace Reyburn. |