Show And Salesman Come No More By Carol Bennion Like we used to be bothered by drive queer charity Working My Way Through shoelace Fuller Brush pot holder Every time the doorbell Mother had to put on her hat and coat before so that in case it was one of those she could pretend to be just This was before the progress of all this procession of peddlers and people is a thing of the way Not only haven't we seen anybody like that in over a but we are becoming fussier by the You we have rigged up a sort of watch-tower crows' nest affair with one-way glass that looks just like we had a Daytimes we all take regular turns spotting victims and operating the We have gimmicks like bags of water which are dropped from above and which we vary by using My electronically minded brother has fixed up a reducing vibrator which he with our front We produce better hula than With a thrill it is to preside at the board of colored lights and to let the infinite possibilities and combinations run wickedly through your and above all to know that it is YOU who determines the fate of any For mealtimes and night duty we have an electronic scanner whose beam sweeps the area for two blocks in each The minute anyone whose holes don't correspond with the pages in the electrical enters our the beam sets off an outdoor recording which warns the immediate family to take all the houselights go all doors and- windows automatically close the emergency underground passage to the age the car engine begins idling and the garage door stands poised to disintegrate should we need a quick Anyone foolhardy to press matters and ring the gets an electric gently the first If he tries the it comes off and melts in his He who knocks on the door is handed a sack of horrible garbage and instructed by loudspeaker to carry it to the Should he return for another we have other loudspeaker you feel You best friends may not tell you but we will broadcast it at factory whistle Go and some others we may not My brothers favorite treatment this week is to magnetize a victim to the porch and have the speaker alternately play cowboy music and recite Rime of the Ancient He figures if this doesn't move you to move the neighbors We do have little timed announcements like have been here the standard 45 would you care to try for 90 and take the or last man who stayed this long died and exactly three seconds MST we will release the plug in the automatic overhead sprinkling Of if you come bearing onions or we dispense with preparatory and merely activate the porch trap It empties into the Columbia River As I we are buggy over the scientific |