Show Kathleen N Norris orl is Says Some ome Women omen Are re Like Oysters Ben Bell Syndicate Syndicate Features t 1 I Vim f r I y y This man ants it-ants a wife not a dainty timorous mollusk of a woman who will expect him to dine off o milk toast in an invalids invalid's s bedroom smoke in the back yard ard and enjoy the companionship of a few gossiping old ladies By KATHLEEN NORRIS I r i 00 many women are like T TOO I oysters When the oyster J- J Jis is young he is free and independent independent independent in in- dependent he swims about inthe in inthe inthe the ocean in a glory of inde inde- But as he gets older his shell gradually forms and hardens upon him and finally he is trapped in it and can only I cling a great deal and drift a little Perhaps you are one of the women who have grown shells and are imprisoned imprisoned imprisoned im im- im- im in them Perhaps it is you yourself who have shut away all changes and adventures and closed yourself into a narrow groove from which there is no escape It sounds to me as if Gertrude Day who writes me from Buffalo is one of these oyster women Gertrude is 29 pretty clever successful successful successful suc suc- as a big mans man's secretary devoted to an invalid mother Gertrude Gertrude Gertrude Ger Ger- trude and her mother live in a pretty white cottage with a garden just out of town Engaged Seven Years For seven years Gertrude has been engaged to be married This seems to me a record for America in Europe and in England girls think nothing of a five or year six-year engagement engagement engagement engage engage- ment and in Sweden I met a sweet serene woman who was engaged to toan toan toan an engineer who had been 11 years in Argentina But these are not American ways and hence Gertrude Days Day's letter indicates to me that she is fast on the way to becoming an oyster Frederick was a teacher school-teacher when first we were engaged and as asI asI asI I had full responsibility for Mamma who is bedridden and his salary was small we could not think of marriage then He e taught in hi a school 40 miles away so that we only saw each other for weekends twice a month After some years he decided to study law lav which took much of his time passed his bar examination just before the war and immediately went into officers officer's training camp He now has a captaincy and is temporarily temporarily temporarily tem tem- stationed here after 15 months overseas and his desire is to tobe tobe tobe be married at once Now please dont don't think me a terrible old maid the letter goes goeson on but I just cant can't bear the idea of any change I I never could I love Frederik Frederick I know I do but the thought of a man in this little white house of ours is staggering Mamma and I have grown used to certain ways breakfast late on Sunday no cards or liquor in the house certain radio programs every every every ev ev- ery week just a few dear old friends mostly Mammas Mamma's things in hi their right places reading aloud Also we have hav very light suppers milk toast or waffles or a salad which I serve on two trays in Mammas Mamma's room We Ve would have to live here as Mamma naturally dreads the thought of moving and and well well Fred Freda u J a Gossiping old ladies F FAMILIAR WAYS To some women the most dreaded thing is change They Y have their little ways and routines routines rou rou- r tin tines es their friends and their associations and they want to keep the pattern intact It isn't always that they are so fond o of f the little scheme o of f things that they have developed it is just that they are accustomed to it and are comfortable in a sort of dull way One such woman asks Miss Norris for advice in this issue Gertrude is 29 pretty and a successful successful suc suc- cess f ul secretary For the last seven years she has been engaged to an ambitious well educated man who is now a captain in the army He Ile wants to get married now that he can well afford it Gertrude however is so tied up with her invalid mother that she cannot bear to think of any ad ad- She wants her husband husband hus hus- band to do all the altering yet she knows in her heart that she is ng the impossible is simply too big for this place He likes hearty food he actually suggested suggested suggested sug sug- to me that we move Mamma Mammato to the third bedroom off the kitchen where she would have her own bath and be further away from us This I will not even suggest to her Fears Change In short the letter concludes I am afraid I do not want to make the concessions he seems to take for granted And yet I love and admire Frederick and know that he has an honorable and successful career ahead of him But I am so happy as I am that I fear to change present present present pres pres- ent circumstances for the untried On the other hand Mamma has not long to live in a year or two at most they tell me or at any moment she may leave me and contemplating the utter desolation of that event I feel what a comfort Fred s kindness would be How can I gently influence him to tofit fit his ways to mine since I am so constituted constituted constituted con con- that change is actual suffering suffering suffering suffer suffer- ing to me My dear Gertrude I say in answer answer answer an an- you cant And it would only be cruelty to try This man wants a wife a woman of an adaptable imaginative enthusiastic type of mind who will plan with him for a wider future not a dainty timorous timorous timorous tim tim- orous mollusk of a woman who will expect him to dine off milk toast in inan inan inn an n Invalids Invalid's bedroom smoke in the back yard and enjoy the com compan- compan pan pan- of a few gossiping old ladies You are too deeply encased in your shell ever to emerge into normal wifehood and I wouldn't try Just go goas goas goas as you are and when Mamma dies try to get some other elderly woman to come and live with you to keep the rugs and lamps and the teapot and the stand parrot-stand just lust where they belong Give Fred a generous and wholehearted wholehearted wholehearted whole whole- hearted dismissal Hed He'd wreck your little Dresden statue scheme if he married you It will be a great relief relief relief re re- re- re lief to you to feel Well VeIl that's over and it will free him to find some other woman a woman who likes and loves her herman herman herman man and bears him children and faces the daily ups and downs the disappointments and triumphs scares and glories responsibilities and rewards that make up marries married life |