| Show FIRST LADY OF THE GARDEN HOSE i Oh Can You Yau Sep See by the Lawns Lawn's Early Blight BATTLES FOR THE THIRSTY BLADES By H. H I. I PHILLIPS MISS LAWNIN LAWN LAWNIN N ANY PROLONGED dry spell IN there is in every community the theman theman theman man and woman who find an outlet outlet outlet out out- let for a full expression of their sense of sacrifice in out all-out solicitude solicitude solicitude tude for the lawn Here they make the ultimate effort the grand fight the supreme battle battIe Their heart bleeds for every blade of grass They are shaken to the depths by the tiniest yellow patch In our neighborhood Miss 1 Arabella Arabella Ara Ara- bella is easily tops as the tho great lawn lover In any moderately dry spell she can cango cango cango go to extremes but In a real drought when the reservoirs are low and the water supply critical she Is a study In devotion devotion devotion devo devo- tion to the cause of the ever- ever damp lawn Then she becomes a first lady of the garden hose a duchess of the sprinkler The lawn is her first thought at dawn and her last at night Famous battlers for great human causes have shown less energy Fighters to ease the plight of undernourished undernourished undernourished un un- un- un peoples have shown no greater energy Yes a water famine is threatened families are urged to go easy orphan asylums and hospitals have been cautioned to watch the outlets but with Miss her grass is a must with top priority Lincoln showed no greater concern for the slaves Clara Barton was no more zealous for the sick and wounded She was marked Her mother was frightened by a bare patch in a agreen agreen agreen green hall runner or something She has a patch bare-patch complex Were she with Noah in the flood she would have come aboard the ark with two lengths of hose and two sprinklers Her lawn is an astoundingly vivid green when everything else in hollyhock heights is sere and drab You can see her busy about it morning noon and night every fiber of her being astir over the thought one little blade may be thirsty She is haunted by a fear of dry patch One hose is not enough Miss has two And her second love is the sprinkler She likes the wide throated full-throated revolving fast-revolving type When not watering the lawn she goes win win- window window dow shopping for new automatic sprinkler models A grand canal mood marks her premises It Aint Gonna Rain No NoMore NoMore NoMore More is her theme song She shoots the waterworks not only on ondry ondry ondry dry hot days but even when it rains Her faith in Providence and the elements is shaky Let it rain all night and she is out there with the hose in the morning Miss slogan is The HOSE must go on on S e Yoo hoo move the larger sprinkler ler over a foot lady Theres There's a blade there that seems Hitler's BlUer's yacht Aint so hacht So o In a visit to the Grille once the yacht of der fuehrer we are sure we should imagine that great nautical figure that wonderful exponent exponent exponent ex ex- of ot all fine sea traditions rolling and pitching in a terrific storm and bellowing All is lost The microphone has been swept away 0 0 0 I 7 go to the movies and what do doI I 1 S get Romance and romance and morn mart martof of 0 it yet I turn on the radio I l go to a show show show- More Afore mashing between a dams dame and a I 1 pick up a pulp or I 1 pick up a slick- slick Again its ifs a rooster chasing a o chick Its It's most revolting it t makes me ms ill ill ill- Cause Im I'm a Jack without a Jill Tom Tom Weatherly O 0 O 0 O 0 OThe The American association of university university university uni uni- professors upholds the right of all teachers to be communists provided they keep it out of the classrooms This is like saying Itis it itis itis is all right to carry lighted matches match match- es in a hay loft lott provided only good goodwill goodwill goodwill will is shown toward the barn 0 e 0 e 0 eWe We liked Bill Vaughans Vaughan's crack in his KC Star column The woman scorned is now surpassed in fury by the babe who never even met the guy but shoots him anyway o 0 e 0 o 0 oThe The active head of a yacht club is called a 11 commodore A commodore is a cross between a humidor and a matador He Ho Hohas has to be kept damp like a humidor and throwing bull-throwing liko like a matador Being a commodore entitles you to wear a motorman's coat white duck pants and a cap e e e eThere's Theres There's good news In the economic economic economic eco eco- picture A slight slump is reported in the slight slump I |
