Show r I 6 y THE 1943 19 VACATION TALKERS Well we had quite a summer we I Going no place at all and having havin g nothing to complain of Just think of all the places w we e didn't have to stop at et And all the cooking we didn't didn t need to accept Wasn't it wonderful wonder wonder- ful I HI dont don't remember a year when I felt so refreshed and rested There was that summer eight or orten orten orten ten years ago when we only went away for three or four days Yes but three or four days can be quite a drain There was that hotel with the awful rooms and the little windows with half the screens out right This summer we didn't have to endure a single summer summer summer sum sum- mer hotel even for one night did we Not one dear No iron beds no odor from the no lousy hotel orchestra no flies t tJust Just imagine it An entire summer summer summer sum sum- mer and anti our stomachs in good shape Did you think it possible And I haven't had a touch of ptomaine We Ve haven't even had our regular indigestion from corn on the cob or hot dogs and toasted marshmallows lows at beach parties That's in credible It could only happen in wartime dear I ClI like to sit here on our own cool porch and meditate on all the hot roads we have missed all the bum dinners we have skipped and all the arguments we haven't had with the hotel clerks over the final bills I HI get a kick out of thinking of the dishes we haven't had to send back sack to the kitchen And the horrible coffee weve we've escaped Yes HYes and funny people we haven't found it necessary to meet Jolly summer I calls it Any other summer and we would have been under the doctors doctor's care eare careby by jy this time don dont you think Oh Ob yes You were always done in jy iy mid-August mid from vacation strain I generally broke down in late July This year we are in perfect perfect perfect per per- shape I haven't even had my feet cut by oyster shells or broken bottles And we haven't had a single archery course arrow in our chests all season How wonderful Dont you ever yearn for any of the he old ordeals inconveniences and impositions Hardly Of course now and then I have a slight yen to have sand in my ears and sit at a table with blueberry pie stains all over the tablecloth But I fight it down Still weve we've been on this back porch all summer Couldn't you stand a little change dear Yes Lets Let's try the front one BERLIN VIEWPOINT Battered and bruised and beaten Taking it on the run Crow have our fighters eaten Downcast and drubbed and done Back without luck or glory glory- Have Fuehrer Hitler paged Tell him the stirring story story- We are now DISENGAGED Africa gone completely Sicily fled from too I Nothing is going sweetly Even our hopes are few Backward we stagger reeling Weary upset enraged Still theres there's that happy feeling- feeling Getting so DISENGAGED The car you couldn't buy is helping helping help help- ing to win the war says an ad ad- We Ve expect to hear almost almost almost al al- al- al most any day now of some patriot seeking a decoration because he repeatedly repeatedly repeatedly re re- called up the auto agency and got no answers Eddie says Germany Germany Germany Ger Ger- many is still too strong to be licked before another year This must be bethe bethe bethe the most depressing news a good many Germans have heard in a long time I III III s OLD PROVERBS REVISED If a man writes a better pamphlet than his neighbor on explaining ex the income tax the world will beat a path to his door It is so hot in Naples that Vesuvius is being used for air conditioning the neighborhood Elmer Twitchell has a secret weapon against the Japs and Nazis Its It's an insect powder t V VANISHING AMERICANISMS Al All AIl clerks must be courteous at atall atall atall all times What do I care if you get through I can always get somebody else Gentlemen will not remove their coats in the dining room Its It's a government order order so so weve we've got to obey it Remember there are two sides lo to every question |