Show I i I George Gcorge MacDonald who just sold the Roney-Plaza Roney Hotel says he read it here but we dont don't recall it The difference between Palm Beach and Miami Beach Beach is is the difference between between between be be- tween the tile social register and the cash register At the Newspaper Guild Canteen a hostess was dancing with a Coast Guardsman When the music stopped he pulled out routine and said Now lets let's sit down and talk talk about you They sat and he put an arm around herI her I uI get it she said I see you talk with your hands Honey he grinned Im only whispering now Mrs Albert Einstein visited the astronomical observatory atop Mt Wilson and asked about the giant I telescope We Ve use it she was I told to Uto discover the shape of the I universe I My husband said the famed scientists scientist's wife does the same thing on the back of an envelope A Major told this one to the cadets Cadets ca ca- 4 at Yale the other day He said General Giraud and Lt Gen Clark were were discussing the best possible possible pos pos- t. t sible places for setting up staff headquarters headquarters headquarters head head- quarters in combat zones The youthful Clark recommended a certain jr tain tam distance from the firing lines but the older Giraud shook his head J r. r and said Too far back I like to tobe tor r be right up there on the line l But sir said Clark you were T captured twice S Shortly after the Sullivan parents of Waterloo Iowa learned of the loss of their five sons aboard the cruiser Juneau they visited Washington Washington Washington Wash Wash- ington where they volunteered to do anything to complete the job their boys had started A tour of defense de tense plants was arranged Mom Sullivan after a l lifetime in Waterloo suddenly found herself a lady of leisure There was plenty to keep her busy with ten and twelve defense plants scheduled yet she missed the little tasks of cleaning the house getting breakfast breakfast breakfast break break- fast etc One morning when the Navy Lieutenant Lieutenant Lieutenant Lieu Lieu- tenant who accompanied them called at her hotel ro room m in Chicago he found Mom making the beds She confessed she had been tipping chambermaids throughout the country country country coun coun- try for permitting her to make the beds herself I HI just wanted to keep my hand in she said My Iy favorite gag dealt with funnyman funnyman funny funnyman man Tait Taits Tait's motoring act who dreaded coming to the U. U S. S from London where he was always a riot Martin Beck persuaded Tait to come here here assuring assuring him hed he'd click To get Tait used to American audiences they booked him first at Yonkers N. N Y where he laid a frightful omelet omelet omelet ome ome- let at his first appearance Next afternoon sauntering along the main street there Tait paused at a fish store window As he studied studied stud stud- jed a huge dead mackerel with eyes staring blankly and mouth wide open Tait exclaimed U Eavens above Thet reminds Hi ave avea a matinee I Will Rogers in En 1927 The best way to describe Russia is Russian men wear their shirts hanging outside their pants Well any nation that dont don't know enough to stick their tail shirt-tail in will never get anywhere I 1 am the only person that wrote ever-wrote Russia that admits on he dont don't know a thing about it On the other hand I 1 know know- as much about Russia as anybody that ever wrote about it I Raymond Paige relays it via apal a apal pal in London Its It's about the Air Corps officer assigned to a desk job He objected to fliers getting extra pay for flying time Why should you get more he barked at a Texas pilot Were all aU in this war I f together I I know drawled the Texan I g but who ever heard of two desks crashing on head-on Variety discussing the chilly reception reception reception re re- re- re given actors in Pittsburgh recalls when Katharine Cornell appeared appeared appeared ap ap- ap- ap there in Three Sisters Some in the audience complained that they couldn't hear hrar much of the dialog Told this between acts by I the stage manager Miss Cornell retorted retorted re- re reS reI I Tell the audience we cant can't hear them either Much the same thing happened S recently when Blithe Spirit played there Night b before fore it opened some of the troupe put on a show for wounded soldiers at an army hos hos- hos- hos pital After the premiere Clifton Webb wired his agent Last night we played to the wounded tonight we played to the dead I IVan Van Boven one of the funnier comics always a riot at the Palace on Broadway used to warn others about the opening matinee audience at North Adams Mass They sit down front Van used to scream and devour their young Autobiography A Broadway booking booking bookIng book- book ing agent noted for his rodent-like rodent past was asked why he hired an assistant noted for being even rat rat- tier Oh HOh was the reply hes bes the heel I used to be t S r 1 1 3 t |