Show Kathleen Norris Says Say LI Marriage Without Tears Bell nell Syndicate Features t I k I I Jg I A I I I II I h hll l 9 I What JT is is important is that when the house quiets down and the children are asleep Jack lack shall come into the kitchen and pick up a dish dishtowel towel and begin to wipe dishes while he says sas I 1 didn't mean to get gel started that way tonight Nan I 1 guess 1 I was just tired By KATHLEEN NORRIS NORRISA NORRISA NORRISA MOTHERLESS girl of 19 A writes me that she is going going going go go- ing to wed her soldier in early March and wants to know what all the pitfalls of marriage are and how to avoid them and how to get along without without without with with- out the coldness criticism nagging nagging nagging nag nag- ging that so often impresses outsiders as being characteristic of married life It celt scares me writes Therese MarIe to see the disillusionment that so many of my older friends have I dont don't mean actual ugliness and divorce But I mean when the theman theman theman man wants to go to parties and the wife hates them or he is late for meals or she is a bad cook or extravagant extravagant extravagant ex ex- ex- ex and they keep alluding to each others other's faults never get Nancy to do that the man says and the wife says You know that when its it's a question between me and his mother I haven't a chance Jack is an instructor at an airbase airbase airbase air- air base the letter goes on so uso we may be settled for quite a while We have already rented a nice little house in a pretty old town I have two girl friends in the same place So it ought all to be perfectly ideal and I want to do my part to keep keepit it so But having been brought up in the households of married cousins and aunts I know how the glamour can fade and I dread even momentary momentary momentary momen momen- tary coldness or misunderstanding Some Live Happily Your attitude Therese Marie is isa isa isa a very lovely one and speaks for fora a fine and gentle nature and that nature will tell you more clearly than could any words of mine how you can cherish and cultivate the peace and love that are part of married married mar mar- ried ned life There are wives and husbands husbands husbands hus hus- bands who live without undignified squabbling and sulking And even when they do squabble and sulk occasionally occasionally occasionally oc oc- oc- oc by some miracle that is marriage it is of often not as serious as it sounds It is nerves fatigue misunderstanding it is outbursts of verbal fireworks that mean very little and that sometimes clear the air So that when a husband comes home at night to find out that his suit hasn't come back from the tailors tailor's that dinner is up heated-up stew and mashed turnip that his coffee ration is one half cup and that Nancy has promised to spend Sunday Sunday Sunday Sun Sun- day with the Millers he is quite likely likely likely like like- ly to break into grumbles and criticisms criticisms criticisms that he doesn't really mean at all Once the coffee and stew the good corn bread and the prune whip are inside him as he settles down at atthe atthe atthe the radio with his newspaper he feels quite differently The food may have been humble but it was warming warming warming warm warm- ing and satisfying too rain is predicted predicted predicted pre pre- for tomorrow so he wouldn't have worn his pressed suit anyway and he likes the Millers invitation well enough especially as his department department department de de- de- de boss Cutter is to be there And THAT is the time for Nancy to accept peace overtures in friendly simplicity brushing off apologies with an amiable I UI knew you were tired Its It's all right I Tired Mother lother Flares Up I Or perhaps it is Nancy who flares up Any woman who has sole charge of a household and two or three small children all through a second second sec see ond a third a fourth rainy or snowy day has a right to run away into the high mountains and never be seen again She cant can't do that but what she CAN do is break loose at atthe atthe atthe the first unpleasant word and meet EVER AFTER And they lived happily ever after The fairy tales we read as children always ended that way But the divorce records dont From an unhappy marriage marriage marriage mar mar- to an even unhappier lonely lonely lonely lone lone- ly Reno post-Reno existence go hundreds hundreds hundreds hun hun- of women each year women women wom wom- en who thought that wedded bliss could be bought for the price of ofa a wedding ring It cant can't of course and neither can a happier state be purchased for a divorce lawyers lawyer's lawyers lawyer's lawyers lawyer's law law- yer's fee If not ever after these women could certainly have lived happily most of the time if they had followed the advice given en by Kathleen Norris this week Jacks Jack's weary dissatisfaction with complaints of her own If he thinks its it's easy these days to go shopping about for butter and coffee with the baby down with a croupy cough and Johnnies Johnnie's rubbers two sizes too small for his new shoes she wishes hed he'd try it No place to dry the wash except the basement such a racket from the yard school-yard next door that the baby gets waked up from her nap every single day and the car practically laid aid up for the duration All this isn't so important But what IS important is that when the house quiets down and the children are asleep Jack shall come out into the kitchen and pick up a dishtowel and begin to wipe dishes while he says I UI didn't mean to get started that way tonight Nan I guess I Iwas Iwas Iwas was just tired I know youre you're having havinga a pretty hard time And that Nancy instead of relieving relieving relieving ing herself with a voiced high-voiced angry Dont you ever think for one instant instant instant in in- stant John Baker that you can come home and snarl at the children and criticize me and then come out here and have everything all wonderful wonderful wonderful won won- again r shall accept his help and perhaps remind him that these are strained and anxious times She shall remark that the great cloud hanging over us all is bad for our nerves that business men are enduring enduring enduring en en- during privations and facing difficulties difficulties difficulties ties never known in our happy national nation nation- al history before and that when she and Jack get through these war years the sweetness of peace the pride of watching their boy and girl grow to manhood and womanhood will be all the greater Annoyances Will VilI Appear But make up your mind Marie- Marie Therese that with all the wonderful companionable miraculous elements that make up marriage the little annoyances and mistakes and disillusions disillusions disillusions creep in too as they do in hi all human lives Just as many long- long anticipated parties will turn out to tobe tobe tobe be failures Just as many investments investments investments invest invest- ments in a new dress in a club in inan inan inan an entertainment wont won't be worth while Hell He'll bring a friend home unexpectedly unexpectedly unexpectedly some night when your dinner dinner dinner din din- ner is one chop and one baked potato for him and toast milk-toast for yourself because youve you've been feeling grippy all day Hell He'll forget to tell you that Betty is engaged hell he'll drive you mad by telling you the way Joe Dokes' Dokes wife manages that big house and those four spotless and impeccable cable children On your side you'll fail him too He wont won't like the way you look lock the night you dine with the Captain hell he'll be shocked by domestic expenses no matter how well you manage and when theres there's a baby to sit in a highchair highchair highchair high- high chair at breakfast hell he'll ask ash you in a a l martyred tone if you know g gelse else but stories of the baby's smart smart- ness |